Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 May 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

» —t The mosquito’s auger is an appropriation bill. A miser is often surprised at close “quarters.” When does a tree feel contented? When it’s sappy. It is not right to make game of a man out of season. The reason why a worn an always adds a postscript to her letter is because she's bound to have the last word, if she has to write it herself. Said the Colorado man: “No; we never committee suicide by hanging in onr State. A man doesn’t want to be suspected of being lynched.” Two marriage certificates, confronting a man at the same time, are as demoralizing in their tendencies as a mortgage coming dne.— Carl PretzeVs Wkekl#* : A Texas man will go four or five miles to got a drink. A Vermont man won’t. He’ll just hang around the ginmill all the time, and never allow himself to get four or five miles from it. Only an. acre of leather, Laced wi h a turlong of twine, Shuffling over a crossing Bearing atigure divine. One after the other they'r,' lifted And 1 all with a horrible tlind— ’’The feet of a Syracuse damsel - .Splashing along through the mud. Utica Observer. ",. “ “la your wife acquainted with the dead languages?” asked the professor of a Newman man. “Maybe she is," was the reply, “but the language she Uses is entirely too warm to have been dead very long.— -Newman * Independent. with that old plow. Citizen—Beal old? Farmer—Y’es"; in fact it’s too old for any more use. Citizen—Sell it to the first minstrel show that comes along. They always use old things.—Breakfast Table. “So you’ve got a piano, Mrs. Biten,” said one lady to another. “Yes, we’ve ■had it for three months.” “How did you get it ?” “ Got it from aman downtown.” “Did you take it for debt, like we did?” “Oh, no; but Biten says it will be taken for debt, if he doesn’t pay the second installment pretty soon.”— Merchant Traveler. Beecher says four-fifths of the people in heaven will be women. That is all right enough. Nobody ought to kick about that. Four-fifths of the women are better than men, anyway,, and they ought to go to heaven. Bat! according to that story, what a stag party there is going to be standing around the fire in the other place.--Peck’s Sun. “Oh, the road is smooth pnough,” said the placid conductor to the complaining passenger. “There isn’t a smoother road-bed in the United States. It’s the cars that jolt. Company took the springs out last week, to oil them, and didn’t get them back in time for this trip.” And the complaining passenger grumbled no more, for he felt that he was in tlie presenoe of the Star Liar.— Hawkeye. From Pat in America to his sweetheart in Ireland: .“O, Bridget, dear. Be coming here, _• _ ■; : —-R cht to the arms of Pat; Don’t stay away Another day— Be alter minding that.” To which Bridget replies: "O, Pat, my lad— Noyr don't feel bad— I've married Harney Rue; And we've a biy. To give you joy. I’ve named the child for yon. ” THE BLOKE, TO HIS CHUMMY. “Hey, Jimmie! are y’ wld me? I’m on a lay to stag a fake, Plunk your boodle, it's a gruff. An’ l’ee sure to give yer rake.” “Yes, Jerry lad. I’m wid ye. Bet Jer life, troo tick an’tin: We'ste-a-ker blokees, we —j___ An’ onr lush bees always gin. “We’s been pals for many yeans, Jim, hinco der time we did a six: Dey nabbed us in der crib, Jim. D’beaks nailed us at our tricks. “We didn’t stay fur long, Jim, Its hard to hold di* crook; I knows ye’ll keep em to yerself, Der means by which we snook. “Dey on’y yanked ns once, Jim, S noe den we's both got fly. An' dey never more will sceop-'U’", • ’Cause we does tfags on dersly. “Each night, down to der boozinken, We’ll meet at nine, ol’ Jim, An’ no matter w’at de game may be Our lush will still he gin." Wm. M„ Jr., in The. Judge.