Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 April 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

East TO draw —the breath. “A woman’s reason”— because. The spirit of the press—apple jack. The kind word that turneth away wrath has no practical effect in turning away a book agent. Never tell a lady that she is “plump as a partridge.” She will think that you are making game of her. Nothing shows the remarkable healthfulness of this country so much as the pension list.— Philadelphia Call. The association of fishermen contemplate giving a series of balls next month. They will’be fish-balls.—Carl Pretzel's Weekly. "When a bachelor says he is single from choice, it makes him mad to ask him why the girl made choice of some other fellow.— Texas Siftings. A new stove has been invented for the comfort of travelers. It is to be put under the feet, with a mustard plaster on the head, which draws the heat through the whole system. “Business is pretty good,” said an undertaker to an interviewer, “but if lying was punished as it was in the days of Ananias, I would have to enlarge my works and purchase fifty more hearses.” i The following is a copy of a bill posted on the wall of a country village. “A lecture on total abstinence will be delivered in the open air, and a collection will be made at the door to defray expenses.” A Grand street (New York) dyer has placed the following lines over the desk in his shop: I am dyeing to live, —... And living to dye;- - —— - The longer I live The bstter I dye; The more I dye The better I live. Do Bailors give their faith full scope When they sail around Good Hope? —Govemeur Herald. Some poor sailors, to bad Inck born, “Leave Hope behind” to "double the Horn. *' —Richmond Raton. . • Sailors, ’tis very sad to tell, Loose all .Hope at Cape Farewell. Waterloo Observer. When all Is ealm and the sky is clear, No sailor fears to round Cape»Fear. —Elevated Railway Journal. The sailor hopes to splice the main brace When sailing north around Cape Race. —Louisville Journal. If I were a Lumtl-tum-lum-titum-too ’ lu the land of the olive and flg, Fd sit all day on the trolle-101-100 And play on the i hingee-me-jlg. And if in the Bnmdee-dum battle I fall A what’s-its-name’s all that I crave— But bury me depp in the what-y on-may-call. And plant thlngum-bobs on my grave! -RillNye. ; So when you've reached the land of yum-ynm And are freed from all trouble a-id work, You'll burn your thumb on your thingee-me-jlg And howl for an asbestos shirt! Old Nick will come with his thingum-bob line To put on your do-lunny quite. And the 13 doctors that blistered your spine Will swell up as big as their bills. —Newman Independent. When A. T. Stewart, the dead millionaird, asked for the girl he wished to marry, her father said Stewart wanted to marry her for her money, whereupon the ardent swain replied: “No, sir; you needn’t leave her a cent. I will soon be richer than you, anyhow.” Then did this singular parent say: “Go ahead and take her, then, and ’ Heaven bless you both.” This story was told years ago, and is recalled by the experience of a young man, who, being familiar with the incident, tried it recently on the father of the girl he loved. When the other accused him of being after his money the youth replied: “Keep your money. I have started a newspaper, and will soon be worth more money than you ever saw.” And then the girl’s father, instead of saying, "Take her, and Heaven bless you both,” kicked him out of the house and a healthy dog bit a peice out of his leg as he went down the steps. It would seem that all fathers are not constituted alike. One is more credulous than the other.— Norristown Herald.