Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 April 1884 — They Counted Ahead. [ARTICLE]

They Counted Ahead.

“My dear,” said Mrs. Spoopendyke, who had for some time been intently studying a slip of paper she h«ld in both hands. “My. Dear, what do you suppose this is about ?" “Let me see,” demanded Mr. Spoopendyke, snatching at the paper. “Why, it’s a lottery ticket Where’d you acquire possession of this monument to wealth ?” “I found it,” fluttered Mrs. Spoopendyke, making a dive for it, as though the explanation of what it was made the slightest difference in its contents. “Is it really a lottery ticket? How much do we Win. “Well, if it draws a prize, and the expenses of collection don’t eat up the amount and the lottery pays up, we won’t be much out of pocket,’’returned Mr. Spoopendyke, examining the ticket again. “And I’ll have my sealskin dolman, after all!” squealed Mrs. Spoopendyke, clapping her hands and peering over her husband’s shoulder at the mysterious document. “I wish they’d hurry up and send the money. When do you Blink they’ll send it, dear ?” “P’raps it’s on the way now!” muttered Mr. Spoopendvke. “0f cenrse, the lottery folks know you found it, and they’ll break their necks to pay up before the owner can make any trouble. Have you ordered anything else besides the dolman on the strength of this find? Been making any other purchases of a similar character. “No,” cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke. “And .vou shall have ft What wqpld you like, dear? We’ll bay what you want

and if there’s anything left, we’ll think about the dohnan ” “Doni think there’ll be much left,” grunted Mr. Spoopendyke. “It didn’t occur to you that we could put this money in thq bunk, or I could use it in my Tbuefeess, did it? Never suggested itself to you that we could lay it away, or speculate in stock and double it, or. buy a horse we could both on joy, did itffti All ydff«; thought of was the dolman* and you want me to advance the money for that?” “L didn’t. know,” ” murmered Mrs. Spoopendyke, rather crestfallen. “I thought maybe there would be.enough for us both, and if there was I’d like to get the { sack. Say, dear, how much would the stocks cost?” “Depends on how much you- paid for them," lucidly exclaimed Mr. Spoopendyke. “They'll cost a. good deal more than the sealskin will. What’s the matter with you'? As soon as you get a few dollars you want to throw itawav .on.elathes-I—iLavenrL-yen any-notion of saving? Think you’d excite any more respect among "the other inmates by clawing around the poor house in a sealskin coat ? S’pose I’m going to sit around here like the label on a bottle and have the neighbors fetch in cold' pie, while you roam around after washing in a sealskin dolman? I tell you, this mouey’s-going where it’ll do some good! Hear me ? I'm -going to build a barn and buy a horse. ’’ : “ Won’t that be nice!” exclaimed Mrs.' Soopendyke, her face illuminated with smiles. “And at one end of the barn we’ll have a piggery, and at the other end we’ll have a hennery! Oh ” “We won’t! ’ snorted Mr. Spoopendyke. ‘‘Think I’m going to have a lot of measly hens scratching with one leg and crowing at night witli tho other ? Got a notion that I’m going to put money into a pack of pigs that’ll squeal wlffeir you let up long enough to give ’em a chance?” “But the pigs are so sweet,” pleaded Mrs. Spoopendvke. “And I dote on; hen.” 2 ■ ■ .. • “Well, you do the doting and I’ll take care of the funds!” retorted Mr. Spoopendykd. “I s’pose I’ve got to buy a corner lot so as to give the barn a fronting on the street.” “And I’ll train some vines over the door,”*Baid Mrs. Spoopendyke. “With vines around the door and climbing beans over the windows we could make it look ” “Think I’m going to put half .this money into hiring somebody to find out what you’re talking about, don’t you?” roared Mr. Spoopendyke. “Know what a barn is ? Think it’s some kind of a nuisance, with shelves in front for pots', and a broken leg behind ? Well, it ain’t,, and it ain’t going to have any beans fooling round it l The first bean I findclimbing over the window of that barn, will get the chief part of its trousers loaded with shot;" “I thought it would look -pretty,” sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke. ~ “That’s, if,” yawped Mr. Spoopendyke. “Yoir’ve been thiiridog again E With your disposition to throw everything into the form of thought you only want...a stick of gum to be a female boarding-school! Don’t you interfere in this business any more till I call you oat to look at the horse! Understand me ?” “Yes, dear,"' replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, leaning on his shoulder and looking closely at the ticket. “What do you suppose that ‘June, .I'BBl,’ is on there for ?” Mr. Spoopendyke glared at the slip, tore it into a thousand pieces, scattered them over the floor and danced on them. “What’s it for ?” he yelled. “It’s to put arms and a tail to afod be borne around by an eighteen karat idiot as a sealskin dolman. Where’d ye get it? How many suits of my clothes did ye trade off for this measly ticket, three years old? AVliat museum did ye start them climbing into, with these miraculous financial results ?" “Never mind, dear," sfod Mrs. Spoopendyke, soothingly. “I’m sorry you’re disappointed about your barn, but I’ll give up the sealskin sacque.” Mr. Spoopendyke bent on her one long, lingering look and then climbed into bed. s r , k “I don’t care," murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, as she rolled up her frizzes and plastered them with quince seed. “I don’t care. The horse would have run away with him and broke his neck, and if it d«iki'it,-we-might not have-drawn' anything. At all events, he won’t have to go to the expense of buying that corner lot, anil that’s a saving." And with this economical reflection, Mrs. Spoopendyke measured her husband’s sealskin cap to see if it contained enough material for a collar and a pair of cuffs, and finding that it did she sai& into a peaceful and refreshing slumber. —Brooklyn Eagle.