Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 March 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Bai.lot-girls : Female voters. ■ A clear case of girl: E. Lucy Date. A tip-top' mas—the one who lifts his hat. ! “We haven’t forefathers in this family,” said a Utah urchin, “but we’ve more'n four mother^." , “Better be a-eatin’ dem aigs,” said a negro lecturer, “ ’stead o’ flinging ’em at me. I doan’ want ’em, I’se got q plenty at home, I has.” —Arkansaw Traveler. , Among the Dunkards men kiss men and the kissing of women is done only among themselves. “Very few converts are made by the Dunkards,” soberly remarks an exchange. “A perfect marriage is a sublime symphony,” remarks some old bachelor, who doesn’t know the difference between the rock of a cradle and the movement of a broomstick, “Hello, Leathertop, you look as if you were in the bottomless pit of hopeless despair, are you in love?” “No, but almost as bad, next door to it. I’m in a cheap boarding house. —Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. Oh,horror! it is reported that an English nobleman is alxrat to take steps to get a divorce from his American wife. After all the trouble that the dear creatures have been to secure titled spouses, it is really too bad if they are going to lose them through the vulgar instrumentality of the divorce court.

Little Frank —“l saw a rabbit at the store to-day. But it could not bite me.” Mamma—“Was it lying still with its eyes shut?” Little Frank—“lt was still, but its eyes were open. It could not see, though.” Mamma—“Then it was dead, of course.”' Little Frank—“l guess so. It looked just as if it was haviug its photograph taken.”—Philadelhia Call. “You are growing so stoop shouldered,” said Deacon Dewgood to Farmer Furrow, “that you ought to walk with your Lands behind you.” The granger looked at him a moment, and then said, somewhat testily: “Wal, that might do for fellers like you, who ain’t got nothin’ to do but walk up and down a church aisle; but wouldn’t I look pretty tryin’ to work a plough that way ?” “I was to be married, you know,” said Blooms to his friend Clark, “but I guess it’s off, vcoi know, for g-good.” ? ‘How is that?” asked Clark. “This way,” replied Blooms. “She s-aid she’d marry me, you know, when all impediments were r-removed.” “Yes.” “Well, I asked her last night if they were not all—aw—r-remaved, you know, and s-slie said ‘no’—l s-still s-stutter!” Two old colored women were baptized in the James River, One submitted quietly, while the other came up put of the water all excitement, shouting: “I saw Gabr’l! I saw Gabr’J, right in the bottom ob the ribber! Press my heart for that vishun of glory.” “Hush your mouf, Dilsey,” said the less excitable one, “dat was nuffin but a big terrapin, I done seed dat myself.”— The Judge. “I understand that your father is dead, Mike,” said an Arkansaw gentleman to an Irish friend. “Yes, sor, the old gintleman has left ns. A foine man, yer honor. He could stand up with the best of them.” “I haven’t seen the old man since he moved away from here, some three years ago. Wlidte was he living when he died?” “He wasn’t livin’ anywhere when he died, sor. He was dead thin.”

“How much do yon charge for the pants, anyway?” asked the rural customer. “Dot makes some difference off you vants dem vor Suntay or efery tay,” replied the vender, studying liis subject carefully. “If you vants a shoap bair vor efery tay. dot bair vill po two tollar. but if you vants dem bants vor Suntay, dev vill be fife tollar und a helluf. Subboso you dakes um vor Suntay, und ven dey vos a little vorn, you rears dem vor efery tay. By dot you safe two tollar on a fife tollar bair of bants!” Against which argument the countryman had nothing to offer, and transaction was closed. A lecturer is announced with a lecture entitled “American Hell.” Why a man should spend his time talking on a subject of this kind is a thing no aes ofln account for, unless it is for the half a dollar a head his audience pays to hear him talk. The “American Hell” is found in a bottle and every man who investigates the contents of that bottle is spirtflo have more or less hellish ex-, perience. There is no need of a lecture on this subject. If the man who is going about has had the “jim-jams” he is entitled to pity but not entitled to make a man pay to hear him tell about it.— Peck's Sun.