Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 March 1884 — Collecting a Bill. [ARTICLE]

Collecting a Bill.

A citizen who has an office on Monroe avenue has for the last three years been owing a grocery bill. The grocer’s collector called on him over 100 times to secure payment of the debt, but always put off with scfine excuse or other. At one time it was death, another sickness, another time bad luck. and so it went on until it really seemed impossible for the debtor to invent any new pleas. The other day the grocer himself took the bill in his fist and cornered the debtor in his office. “Yes, I know—very sorryv—hand you the money a week from to-day,” was the smiling excuse. “See, here!” said the grocer, as he locked the door and pulled off his coat, “I’ve been figuring on this matter. This bill is for sls. I can give you the 1 ’ worst licking a man ever received, and get off with a fine of $lO. I’ll then give you a receipt for the other five, and the account will be closed. Prepare to be pulverized!” “But suppose I lick you—then what ?” queried the other. “Then there won’t' be any resort to the law, and vou shall have a receipt in full!” • “That seems to be fair, and I’ll do my best,” said the debtor, and at it they went. The grocer expected to get away with him in about a minute, but he was a .deceived man. It wasn’t over three minutes before he was knocked over a chair and rendered hors* de combat. “Is it a receipt in full?” asked the debtor, as he sat astride of the other, and kept both hands fastened in his hair. “She is!” “And you’ll pay me $2 in cash for the broken furniture ?” - “Yes.” - “Then you may get up, and I’ll recommend you to a doctor who’ll fix your broken collar-bone as good as new insideof a week.” The grocer gave him a receipt for the and handed over $2 in cash, and later in the day, when telling the story in his store, he explained: “Gentlemen, I’ve sassed scores of citizens, abused dozens of hackmen, and been aching for three years past for a chance to pulverize some one. it’s worth sl7 to me to know that my grit gives out witli the first round!”— Detroit Free Press.