Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 March 1884 — A Certain Cure. [ARTICLE]

A Certain Cure.

One of the most amusing of q,ll hobbies is the medicine hobby,—and generally, in case of a person who rides a cure-all theory to death, the amusement is at his expense. Here, however, the monomaniac proved level-headed at a short turn, and showed real wit: An old Newport lady is a great believer in coal oil as a cure for everything; pi fact, as a cure-all, she got coal oil on the brain. And a few evenings ago, while some old women friends were calling on her, one of them said:— “I don’t know what’s the matter with my Johnny’s knee. It’s swelled, and it makes him so lame he can hardly walk.” “Bathe it with coal oil,” said the old lady. “I’ll guarantee you it’ll cure it.” Another one said, “My Sarah has such a pain between the eyes.” “Well, all she’s got to do is to rub it well with coal oil three or four times a day, and it’ll cure her,” hastily remarked the old lady. . "V “Well,” said the third woman, “I aint got nobody sick about my house, but if a body hasn’t got trouble one" way, she’s got it in another. All I can do I can’t get my Jennie to stay at home of evenings.” “Bub her with coal oil,” said the old lady, in good earnest, “and I’ll guarantee you it’ll feure her.”