Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 March 1884 — Page 6

THE DOG TAX. *T©!», rm the assess or, mum; I've just called to see I Whst you've got to be taxed And what youtve got free. , ; Now, mum.-you’re excited; ,1 Well, I ain't to blame, For collectin' these Aggers And listin' the same. v.=i- ; You've a horse and a cow, mum; Well, don’t oount the cow, I don’t want! the earth, mum, __ Nor won’t raise a row. Here’s a whole string of stuff, mum, Miscellaneous and remarks, INI lust throw ’em in, niuni, * We assessors ain’t sharks ’ That's all ’mum. 01 no, I forgot. Hare you got any hogs? No? Thanks, mum. Now say If you’ve got any dogs? What, nary a dog, mum? Well, look at mr clo’s; My coat tails tore off, - y: . And this scra ch on my nose. And tell me, on oath, mum—, Now be ou your guard— What tieilevil th,t was 1 met in the yard?" —Merchant Traveler. BETWEEN THE TWO EIGHTS. So use talking, missy—no use talking 'Bout de daylight and dat kind ob ting. Tween the two lights- sunset and sunrising— Dis ole nigger happier dan a king. Dis ole nigger don got all he want to, All he wan t, and more 'an he can say * Sib hiip night, de darker and de better. White folks more 'an welcome to de day. In de day him ole and poor and wretched. Got to tote do load and swing de hoe, Got to do jest whnt de white folks tele him, Got to trabel when dey tole him go. Don’t own nothing but an empty cabin; Got no wife, no chillen at him knee; Got no nothing but a little pallet, And a pot to bile him hominy. In de day him gits no 'spectfnl notice, , Him is only “dat ole nigger Brown;" In de night him tells you, little missy. Things git mightily turned upside down. Den somehow him’s young and rich and happy, Den him own more acres dan him see; De him got a powerful lot ob hosses. Den de white folks stop and speak to he. Den him hab a big house like ole massa's, Den Melinda is him lubly wife: Den de little chillen call him pappy, Den him see de bery best, ob life. Den sometimes him talking in de meeting, An’ him feel de biggest in de town, For at night him neber “dat ole nigger, Him the Reberend Mr. Isaac Brown. -Dreaming,’ is him? Dreaming, do you call it? Then him s’pose it’s living in de day. Well, him liks do nigt-time«and de dreaming. For him griefs wid sunshine go away. No use talking, missy, no use talking _____ 'Bout- de sunshine and dat kind ob ting; Tween de two lights—sunset and sunrising— Dis ole nigger happier dan a king.

BILL SMILEY'S SCARE.

Bill Smiley was a light-figured, enterprising young man, who improved his leisure by appropriating other peoples property, whenever he got the chance. He was a jobbing carpenter by trade, but his chief occupation was that of a railway thief. The method he adopted was to travel short distances on the different suburban lines, with the object of picking up stray umbrellas, hand-bags, and other portable articles which were insufficiently guarded by their owners. He had an innocent way of rushing from a railway carriage just as the train was moving off, seizing, in his hurry and confusion, somebody else's hat-box or umbrella from the rack. On the comparatively rare occasions when his mistake was discovered before it was too late to rectify it, his profuse apologies were generally accepted with more or less credulity. But, as a rule, he managed to get clear away with his spoil, and so skilfully and cautiously did he conduct his operations, that he had never been convicted, though he was painfully conscious that the police had their eye upon him. One evening, feeling inclined for a little excitement, he took a third-class ticket at the Charing Cross Station on the District Railway, and strolled down on the platform. Keeping a sharp lookout, as he lounged about w aiting for a train to the West End, his attention was attracted by the suspicious demeanor of a tall Yankee-looking man, who seemed anxious to avoid observation, and made his way to the far end of the station. He carried a carpet-bag, which he carefully placed on the ground while he walked up and down in front of it. Bill remarked that when anyone ohanced to approach, the man mounted guard over the carpet-bag in a very resolute manner. He tried the experiment himself, and felt convinced that the contents of the bag must lie valuable. As the result of deliberate observation, he came to the conclusion that the mysterious stranger was not easy in his mind about having the bag in his possession, from which it was not difficult to surmise that he had not come by it lawfully. When these reflections were crofc&mgd3iß’»-.m«wlv a train -earner r into the station, and in the midst of the confusion which ensued, he saw the stranger take a step forward and accost a passing guard. A few words were exchanged between them, during which Bill yielded to a sudden impulse which prompted him to seize hold of the stranger’s bag and make off with it. Before there was a chance of his delinquency being discovered, Bill had leapt into the train, which was already beginning to move. He felt a little bit dismayed at what he had done, for he was accustomed to act with much more circumspection. The chances were that '<£ie stranger would immediately communicate his loss to the railway officials, who would at once telegraph down the line. This uncomfortable prospect caused Bill to break jnto a cold prespiration, for familiarity with the danger of being, appreheuded for robbery had not bred contempt for the ordeal. But by degrees he began to breathe more freely as he recollected the stranger’s evident reticence. If, as Bill suspected, the man had reasons to conceal his identity, he might prefer to put up with his loss rather than create a disturbance. But still Bill did not feel at all comfortable, and he hastened to stow the bag underneath the seat, so that it might not attract the attention of the guard in ,pase he was warned to look out for it. While he was thus occupied the passenger who was seated opposite to him observed facetiously: “That ain't dynamite, is it, mate?” “No,” replied Bill, with a grin, though he was secretly vexed at his movements having been noticed. “It’s the coat I’m going to wear to-night when I have supper with the Prince of Wales and the rest of the Royal family.” A But, strange to say r the facetious remark ofliis fellow passenger made an uncomfortable impression upon Bill* Smiley, by suggesting to the mind a very dis-

quieting suspicion. He had hitherth assumed that the bog contained valuables of some kind op other; but on that point of course, he had no actual knowledge. Now he came to think of it, it was possible that the contents of the bag were very different from what he had bargained for. This view of the question assumed an ominous signiiiance when he recollected the demeanor of the stranger and his outlandish appearance. Bill was familiar, like every one else, with the reeeitt Fenian outrages. Suppose the stranger belonged to the dastardly gang who went about causing deatli and desolation by means of infernal machines! Bill could noFEelp - shifting uneasily in his seat when he thought of the bag reposing snugly underneath him. It was very easy to scoff at the notion of its being tire instrument of a diabolical outrage. For reason or other, he found it impossible to dismiss the suspicion from his mind. His fellow passengers’ aimless remark seemed to have acted upon him like a revelation, and, in spite of himself, his suspicions began growing to a sort of dreadful foreboding. He now recollected that when lie lifted the bag lie heard a strange rattle inside it, and the sound was repeated when lie put it under the seat. Trifling as this circumstance was, it helped to increase his uneasiness. Whether his adventure had flurried his nerve, or his state of health rendered him liable to morbid fears, it is certain that he soon became firmly convinced that the prize for which he had risked his liberty was an infernal machine which might blow him to atoms at any moment. The facetious fellow-passenger, remarking Bill’s pertubatiou, which plainly showed itself in his pale face, good-naturedly asked if he was ill, and wanted to put the window down. This friendly interference caused Bill to collect his scattered wits, and to reflect seriously wliat he had better do. His impulse was to seize the bag and hurl it into the darkness. But he was restrained from doing this partly from fear of the consequences, and partly from a lingering hope that his booty might be really valuable after all. If an explosion resulted from the bag being dropped into the tunnel, he would he immediately apprehended as the author of the outrage. On the other hand, some fiendish machinery might be at work inside the bag at that very moment, which rendered his hesitation almost suicidal. This last reflection brought on a sort of frenzied desperation which impelled him to take immediate action. He felt he could not sit still another moment and risk being blown up, even on the chance of his booty proving valuable. He resolved to get out at the next station, and leave the bag to it 3 fate. After all, he whispered to himself, it was more than probable that even if the contents of the bag turned out to be inocuous, they would not compensate him for the risk the possession of the bag would involve. Bill did not stop to reflect that his last argument was rather of the “sour grapes” order, nor did it occur to him that he was perhaps imperilling the lives of his fellow-passengers by leaving the bag behind him. His only anxiety was to get away from it, and consequently, on reaching the next station, which was Victoria, he suddenly jumped up and got out of the train; but before he had time to make good his escape, he was hailed from behind by several voices, including the guard, who came and touched him on the shoulder. “Hi! You’ve left your baggage/’ said the official, curtly. Bill turned round involuntarily, and beheld his facetious fellow-passenger standing in the doorway of the carriage he had just left, holding the fatal bag in one hand and gesticulating violently with the other. It was a trying moment, for while Bill shrank from laying a finger on the bag, he did not knovy how to avoid doing so. To repudiate all knowledge of it would at once arouse suspicion which would lead to unpleasant disclosures, inasmuch as several persons had seen in his possession. A wild idea of seeking safety in flight crossed his mind for an instant, hut on looking round lie perceived that several of the passengers it in the train, and nearly all the people on the platform, including the porters and guards, were staring at him. The publicity was toa.mueiffar-IlilL..iimilcyiay: v modesty;aud he hastened to put an end to the scene by his property. He walked up to the railway carriage, and received the bag from his late fellow passengers, who remarked: “Toung man, if it hadn’t been for me you would have had to dine at Marlborough House in your second-best suit, which would have been a pity.” Bill thought this was the most ghastly joke he had ever heard in his life; but he did not say so. In fact he was too agitated to speak at all, for directly the hag was put into his hands ho again heard the ominous rattle inside it. He thought he should have dropped it, so frightened was he by the sound. But all the while lie was conscious that a good many people were looking at him, w hich xyas a new source of danger, for, as we know, he had . the strongest reason for not -obtruding himself too much upon the public gaze. He therefore made his wav as quickly as possible through the crowd and up the stair-case. Once in the street lie imagined he would have no dificulty in disposing of the bag. Meanwhile, how - ever, every time he moved, the rattling souud inside it sent a thrill through his nerves, and he almost gave himself up for lost. So cruel was his suspense that an explosion would have been almost a relief, if it had left him in a condition to realize his sensations. At length lie reached the streets, hut under the first lamp post stood a policeman, who eyed him very suspiciously as he approached. Perhaps he knew feill by sight, or guessed from some subtile indicaitons that the bag was not in its proper ownership. Bill would have handed over the bag with his most fervent blessing jf that would have satisfied the official; but, of course, it would have been sheer folly to do so. The very nature of the contents of the bag might get him into serious difficulties. There was nothing for it but to assume an air of bravado, and swagger past a

though he had a perfectly easy conscience This lie succeeded in doing to his own satisfaction, but unfortunately the constable still seemed to have liis doubts about him. When Bill glanced over his shoulder he perceived? that the officer was strolling leisurely after him, apparently for the purpose of keeping him in vigilance was especially embarrassing, for it compelled him to avoid any appearance of has£e, and prevented him from carrying out his design of despositing his burden on the first convenient doorstep.' • Half dead with sheer fright, and in a fever of suppressed excitement, Bill made his wav in the direction of Victoria street, holding the bag with the utmost tenderess, yet longing to drop it and take to his heels. On turning round shortly, however, he preceived that the policeman was still steadily following in his wake. Probably the truth was that the officer was only pursuing his beat, and had forgotten Bill long ago. But unfortunately this soothing reflection did not occur to Bill at the moment, and in his desperation he availed himself of an expedient which suddenly presented itself. The street door of a house happened to be open just as he was passing, and a maid servant came out on the door-step and looked up and down the street. Befofl she had preceived him, Bill had coolh placed the bag in her hands, and was preparing to hurry away. “Hi!” exclaimed the girl. “What is this?” “For you master,” answered Bill,over his shoulder. “I ain’t got no master. Hi! Stop!” cried the girl, raising her voice as he vanished. “I say, mate, somebody’s a calling you!” said an officious errand boy, as Bill plunged across the road. “Hi! Stop there! You’re wanted!” cried another passer-by, in stentorian tones. There seemed to his excited imagination, a general disposition on the part of the bystanders to impede his flight, and he hastily concluded that it would he wiser to yield to the hue and cry. He would stick to his story that he was told to leave the bag at that particular house, and probably would succeed in making the girl believe him. With this object he retraced his steps, gathered assurance as he walked; but, as ill-luck would have it, who should .stroll up at the same moment but hij vigilant enemy, the constable. “Hi! You’ve made a mistake. Thi* does not belong here. There’s no nam* on it,” said the girl as he ' approached. “What is the matter?” inquired thi constable, in a casual way. “Oh, nothing. I’ve made a mistake I suppose, as the young lady says so,” answered Bill, hastily. He mechanically held out his had for the hag as he spoke, but failed to grasp the handle, and it fell through his fingers on the ground. Bill started back in consternation, fearing his last moment had come, and simultaneously he felt himself collared by the constable. “Hello, young fellow what does this mean?” exclaimed the officer.

Bill, who had closed his eyes in an agony of apprehension, ventured to open them again, and preceived that the shock of the fall had bursted open the bag, the oontents of which were scattered upon the doorstep. To his amazement they consisted of a miscellaneous collection of silver plate and jewelry, which made quite an imposing display. The articles had evidently been unceremoniously bundled into the bag, and were no doubt, the proceeds of some recent robbery. The constable naturally concluded that it was his duty to escort Bill to the nearest police-station, to make the necessary explanations. During the journey, Bill’s reflections inclined to bitterness as Tie realized how foolishly he had abandoned a rich prize. The metalic rattle, which had startled him, had clearly been due to careless packing, and altogether he perceived he had fallen a victim to a senseless scare. Needless to say, his ingenious story of having received the bag from a nameless stranger was not considered satisfactory, and as the valuables were identified by a pawn-broker in the Strand, whose premises had been burglariously entered during the evening. Bill received the full credit of the transaction, and was rewarded accordingly. —London Truth. - .

Domesticated Animals in Russia.

Our Consul at St. Petersburg reports that the variety of domesticated animals in Russia is as great as the variety of the climate, and there is scarcely an animal whiph man has trained but is to be found in one or the other parts of this graft empire. In the high north-' ern regions the reindeer and dog suffice the wants of the a horse, cow, sheep, or swine being rarely to he found. Further southward toward the center of Russia the horse |s the main beast of burden, cattle, sheep and swine being kept solely for fheir products. Still further southward, in the northern steppes, cattle predominate, and are kept both for laboring and productive purposes. In the southern steppes cattle are the working, sheep the producing animals. In the sparsely populated eastern stepped, the horse is the only animal bred. In Caucasia, the Crimea, and Bessarabia lmfialoes, asses and mules are included in the list oi domesticated animals bred, while in the Volga district and Central Asia tile camel is, an indispensable necessity. Thus, almost all varieties of domesti■cated animals are to be met 'with in the vast district called the Russian Empire. Besides mammals, poultry is found everywhere, except in the high north and steppes. Chiqkens, geCse and ducks are universal, while turkeys and guinea hens are raised in the more southern districts. Bees are kept wherever the population is permanent, and in the southern provinces the culture of the silkworm is no unimportant industry. Domestic animals and their products are quite an article of export. “Twenty minutes for dinner!” shouted the conductor. “If twenty minutes is all you have to eat, I guess 1 won’t get off,” said a hnngrv-looking passenger. “I have six months of.that kind of eatin’ at home, and only a small family to keef>. "—Newm a n Independent

What to Do in an Emergency.

1. —For a Out. Carefully w ipe the knife-blade, especially if the knife is new and bright, as otherwise it will be ' likely to rust. Close the knife and put it in your pocket—especially if it belongs to somebody else. Then go tearing about the house,yelling for a rag. The louder you yell the more rag you will get. Everybody will be so frightened that.they will offer you their handkerchiefs. Do not stop to discriminate —take them all. They will never be wanted back. Tie your hand up till it looks like an Egyptian mummy. Do not forget to howl all the while. After you have thoroughly upset the whole house and driven everybody almost crazy, take the handkerchief off, and stick a piece of court-plaster over the spot where you thought you cut yourself. Then nobody will know that it is only a scratch, and by-and-by you will begin to feel better yourself. 2. For Fainting. If the patient is a female—as is most likely to be the case —catch her in your arms as she falls, and if reasonably good-looking, hold her there for several moments. Perhaps she will recover without further treatment. If rather plain, and not so young as she used to be, yon may convey her at once to the sofa. Place her upon her back, with her head lower than her feet, if possible: if not, turn Tier feet sideways and put weights on them. Be sure and give the patients plenty of air. If a pair of bellows are handy, use them vigorously—no matter if it blows her bangs off. If no bellows are to be had, talk yourself. When the patient has recovered sufficiently to call you a “hateful brute” and a “mean, immodest wretch,” her restoration to health may be considered imminent. If, in addition, she feels to see if her bangs and back hair are all right, it is high time for you to retire and call the family. The rest of your duty is plain enough. Go home \> ithout delay and keep your mouth shut. 3. In case of Poison. When the stomach has Been turned inside out about six times, drink a little chalk and water, or, if you can’t get chalk and water, milkman’s mTTk—anything weak and quieting. If the doctor should come in about this time, as he will be likely to, and inquire after your welfare, tell him that yon are in bounding health and vigor, thank you, and pay him his fee. In a few moments -you will be yourself again, and in a physical condition not to have your nerves startled bv the ringing of the dinnerbell. 4. —Burns. If the clothing takes fire, the victim will, of course, at once start and run at the top of his or her speed, in order to provide a suitable draught. Start at once in pursuit, yelling “fire!” at every stride. This will bring out the fire department,'and attract a large crowd of spectators. Should you succeed in overtaking the burning person, throw him at once to the ground and roll him rapidly over and over for about half a block, on the same principle that a cook turns over and bastes a fowl—to cook him more equally on every side. This having been done, take off your overcoat—you should always wear an overcoat on such occasions—and wrap the victim’ tightly in it. He will naturally be cold, and in need of some - such protection. Keep the flames from the face and head as much as possible; induce them to burn farther down. As soon as the tire department comes up, have them direct three of four streams into the nearest dry-goods store. They will not he satisfied without inundating something. While the crowd are busying the >i, selves carrying out the more valuable of the proprietor’s stock, call a cab, and get the burned person away to the nearest hospital. Here your responsibility ceases, and if the doctors kill him it won’t be your fault. 5. —Drowning. The body should be recovered as quickly as possible. If the drowning should occur at noon it will hardly Be safe to leave the subject in the water until after dinner. Save him at once. Then, having laid the victim out upon the sand, proceed to strip him of every vestige of clothing. Never mind if he kicks like a mule. r faki S coarse crash towel and give him a genuine Irishman’s bath. Scour him until the pores of the skin are thoroughly open. Nothing conduces to good health like an active skin. Nowturn the person over upon his face, with the neck and shoulders a little raised, ~ and: jiress- flrmLy on Tliis will cause the victim to spit out any water w hich may have Been taken into the mouth, and exchange it for sand. Friction, meanwhile, should be applied to the extremities. Secure the services of any passer-by and have him rub the bottoms of the feet with a piece of sand-paper. Alternate the pressure on the back with equally firm pressure oil the side, undei the arm. If the person refuses to breathe under these circumstances, he is certainly dead: but it will be a very defunct person who will refuse. The patient may he allowed to dress himself in about twenty minutes; and if the prescribed treatment has been faithfully carried out, he will be , very cautious about drowning himself a second time.— Paul Pastnor in Puck.

New Year’s in Japan.

On New Year's Day in Japan there is great emulation among the merchants of sound credit to make the first sale of goods. According to law, all Japanese merchants are required to settle their accounts and pay tlieir debts by the 31st of December, and are not allowed to buy or sell goods until they have done so. If goods arc sold on the Ist of January, the merchandise is piled up conspicuously on drays drawn by coolies. The merchant receives the congratulations of his friends, and together they follow the goods to their destination. The Russia proverb, “Never take the crooked path while you can see a straight one,” seems to be rather a poor one. Suppose the crooked path leads where you want to go and the straight doesn’t ? ■?» • 1 . / - Qualities of a too superior order render a man less 'adapted to society. One does not go to market with a big lump of gold; one goes with silver, or small change.— Chanifort. Always eat salt with nuts. It renders them easy a f digestion.

A SURPLUS OF DOCTORS.

Some Interentlnc Figure* Showing How the Medical Profession is Overcrowded. [Chicago Tribune.] t The number of those engaged in professional life in this country in proportion to the population, when compared with the same classes of other civilized nations, is enormous. The profession in which this is most marked is that of medicine. Those engaged in its practice exceed those of any other calling. The exact figures from the census report of 1880 shows that the United States has within its borders 85,671 physicians and surgeons, 64,137 lawyers, and 64,689 clergymen. There is one doctor to every 600 inhabitants throughout the whole Union. Confining attention to the great Northwest, of which Chicago is the commercial and educational center, the proportion becomes still smaller. In 1880 these States and Territories contained the following population and physicians: ■!■■■ • ’ Patm - Doctatlon, tors. Illinois 1T,077,871 5,839 Indiana 1,973,801 4,99:1 Aowa.. 1,621,615 3.035 Kansas 996,096 1,961 Micchican 1,636,937 2,924 Minnesota 780,773 914 Nebraska 452,402 807 Nevada ........ . .i...... ... 62,266 134 Wisconsin.,.., 1,315.497 1,549 Dakota 135,177 212 Montana - 39,1'9 77 Idaho.'VTVTVS. .. 32,610 51 Wyoming 20,789 .. 30 Colorado 194,327 570 Missouri 2.n;.8.38a.—-tUSQu Totals 14,515,200 27,709 This table shows the proportion to be nearly one to 524—the like of which is not to be found within any equal area of the earth’s surface. Since then .the manufacture of doctors has proceeded at an increasing rate. The forty-two medical schools within these limits—leaving out of account students who attend Eastern colieges—have in the last three years granted flic title of Doctor of Medicine to 5,364 persons, and there are from these same States, 3,549 students; in the various colleges of the country preparing for the practice of medicine. The figures show the country to be full of doctors. Indeed, every cross-roads where a grocery and black-smith-shop are located has the shingle of a medical man in plain view. A large number of inhabitants have settled in the Territories to the West, and thither the recent graduates, reenforced by a goodly number from Eastern schools, have gone to offer to the new settlers their professional services. No reliable figures can be obtained from this section, but a personal inspection reveals the fact that no vacancy remains, and' renders probable the assumption that the proportion exceeds that of the Far West in 1880. ‘ Significant of this is the fact of no village of 300 inhabitaus being without its practitioner. Eastward the matter is in the same condition, and in Illinois alone lias there been a decrease in the number of physicians. By the figures of the report of the State Board of it now has 3,331,644 inhabitants and 5,716 doctors—an increase in the former of 253,773 and loss in the latter of 183, and dropping the ratio from 1 to 522 down to 1 to 582. This is due entirely to our State Board of Health. In the cities the crowded state of the profession is still more marked, as the following table demonstrates; Population. Doctors. Ito Chicago 5413,185 _ 918 ■_ _ 548 Denver ~ 35,629 137 260 Detroit ~116,340 248 469 IharxhapoliH. T)8,538 261 259 Kansas Citv 55.785 167 332 Milwaukee. 115,587 141 819 Minneapolis...... 46,887 121 387 St. Louis 350,518 7347 475 St. Paul 41,473 75 553

Earthquakes as Life Preservers.

The theory that the earth’s internal heat is a residue of its former molten condition is losing .advocates, and the idea is gradually gaining ground that the existence <jf internal heat, as manifested in volcanic action, is due to a secondary cause, i. e., the force of gravity (or in other words, the power of attraction,) which resides in every particle of the earth's mass. This theory does not gainsay the hypothesis that the earth was once in a molten condition, but, accepting that proposition as true, goes a step farther and argues that the earth, having already reached the limit of the cooling off process, is compressing, the loss of our primal heat having left room for an inward movement of rock substances of the m-imfc unit it is the crnatiirwr ac’Eio nbfTfiese gafTiet'ifig'parficTes'TliaT produces the intense heat that finds expression in the mighty upheavels in the weaker portions of the earth’s crust — burstings forth that change the formation of vast areas, swallow up thousands of human beings, and terrorize mankind. However destructive to life in the concrete earthquakes may be, their influence upon the formation of the earth’s crust, whereby habitations are formed and maintained for such forms of life; as flourish only on solids, is essential to the existence Of life: and when, the day arrives that the particles of the earth, having been compressed to the fullest degree their attractive power will allow, are no longer .capable of producing volcanic action, then will the sea encroach upon the land unopposed until island and continent have been ground down to one common level, and there is left not even Ararat upon which man may exist. Biologists agree that the ocean is the mother of life, the shelter and nourishment of the primordial germ, and the geologist, gazing into the dim perspective of the future, approximates the number of years when the ocean, having swallowed the earth and its inhabitants, will again nourish in its boundless bosom the only terrestrial tilings that germinate and breathe.— s lP. 11. Walkin', in Midland Monthly. A MAN who, for many years, had charge df a marriage bureau in a large city, gives the following as the result of his expedience: The first question a vonng and beautiful lady asks about a candidate for matrimony is “What sort of a man is he?" but those who are more advanoed in years: “Show him to me right off.” Freedom from the risk of lead poisoning by using glazed earthenware is said to be- secured 'from varnishing the glazed Surface with borosilicate of lime.

PITH AND POINT.

A stump speech—“ Give us the butt of yer cigar, mister.” Love Is blind and the young man, hugged Upl to a girl has one nigh. What relation does a woman want to bear to cold weather ? Seale kin. Speaking of intellect, the Yale student is a better kieker than the Harvard student. It is easy to pick out a journalist in the crowded street, because he is the only person who always keeps to the write. — Rockland Courier. Emperor Francis Joseph says he despises cards and does not know an ace from a jack. There is something wrong here. When a man despises cards it is because he knows altogether too much of them.— Graphic. An exchange says that recently a New York policeman got drunk on duty. We did not know that New York policeman were fond enough of duty to become intoxicated with it.—Philadelphia Call. *‘ls you gwine to get an overcoat this winter ?” asked a darkey of a companion. “Well, I dunno how dat’s gwine to be,” was the reply; “Ise done got my eye on a coat, but de fellah dat owns it keeps his eye on it too.”— Newark Call. “How is Johnnie doing at school?” asked a lady of Johnnie’s mamma during a cnih —’^plehdidlyr =J iie--Enlk^riii = two languages now.” “Dear.me; what are they, French or German?” “Ob, no. English and profane.”^— Marathon Independent. A good story is told of the late Rev. Dr. Muhlenburg. It seem3-to have been a rule of St. Luke’s Hospital that no religious services not Episcopalian should he conducted there. A terrified nurse once ran to the doctor, saying, “Doctor ! doctor! a Methodist preacher is praying with one of, the patients!” “Stop him!” said he, “before his prayers reach heaven!” A RASH mash: “Yes,” said Fogg, “Dr. Pillroller is a bravo man, no doubt, hut he carries his bravery too far. He is foolhardy, sir; never saw so rash a man. Called him to see Mrs. F. to-day, and he actually asked her to let him see her tongue! Fact, sir, I wouldn’t have believed any living man would have had tlie courage to meet that tongue of hers.”— Boston Transcript. A Philadelphia man attempted to beat the record by going on the longest spree. He had been drunk constantly for three years, and died a few days since with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He beat the record, but can not enjoy the notoriety lie attained. Home times it takes whisky a long time to do its work, but if the patient will persevere it is only a matter of time when whisky can stand on liis prostrate body and giro vy.. ■ -mPeck's Bum —'l—“What under the sun is the matter with you Jones, my boy? you look as if you wore on the verge of hanging yourself.” “I’m a humorist,” replied Jones. In a lepulchral voice, “that’s what’s the matter witli me.” “Good heavens,, my poor fellow, what has happened to you? You look as if you had been interviewed by a drove of Texas steers,” said Brown to his friend Smith, whose clothes looked as if they had been through a buz saw. “My wife is making a erazyquilt,and scuttled my wardrobe when I was out ” —-Carl Pretzels Weekly. There was a company of gentlemen engaged in a little game ot' cards in a prominent gentleman’s parlor one night. It grew late, and fears were expressed by the party that they were trespassing upon the kindness of the mistress of the house, who, by the way, was not present. “Not at all, gentlemen—not at ail! play as long as you please. lam Czar here,” said the master of the mansion. /‘Yes, gentlemen, play as long as you please,” said a silvery voice, and all rose as the mistress of the house stood before them. “Play as, long as you please, gentlemen! But as it is nearly 1 o’clock the Czar is goingto bed." He went.

Napoleous’s Savagery.

Madame de Bourrienne, speaking of the character of Bonaparte, as it dis played itself in the early part of his career, says: “His smile was hypocritical and often life fe-~ turn from Toulon, he was telling us that, being before that place, where he commanded the artillery during the siege, one of liis officers was- visited by his wife, to whom he had been but a short time married, and whom he tenderly loved. A few days after, orders were giyen for another attack upon the town, in which this officer was engaged. His wife eame to General Bonaparte, and, with tears in her eyes, entreated him to dispense with her husband’s, services.during that day. The General was inexorable, as he himself told us, with a sort of savage exultation. The moment of the attack, the officer, though a very brave man, as Bonaparte himself assured us, felt a presentment of his approaching death. He turned pale.and trembled. He was stationed beside the General, and during an interval, when the firing from the town was very strong, Bonaparte eall out to him, ‘Take care, there is a bombshell coming!’ The officer, instead of moving to one side, stooped down, and was literally severed in two. Bonaparte laughed loudly, while ho described the event with horrible minuteness.” The trustees of tlie old part of the roof of the Basilica of St. Paul, in Rome, a contemporary remarks, were framed so far back as the year 816, and were found to be perfectly sound and good in 1814, after the lapSfi of nearly a thousand years. These trusses ate made of fir. The timber work of the external domes of the Church of St. Mark, in Venice, is more than 840 years ol‘d, and it is still in a good state of preservation. Timber under favorable circumstances lasts very long. Bound logs, for instance, are dug out of bogs from time to time from places where they have lain for an indefinite period. Samuel Mackey, oi new South Wales, has a farm of 5,000,000 acres