Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 March 1884 — PITH AND FOINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND FOINT.

There’s a regular jam in the-pre-serve market. m Grammar Is more apt to be original Hum anything else written. Gray hairs seem like the light of a soft moon, yet are apt to turn one’s stomach if found in a plate es hash. — Carl Pretzel}* Weekly. Or the Parsees there are only 200,QOO in the world. They are not up numerically to the Smiths, to say nothing of the Smithes and Smythes.— Texas Byftings. “There’s room at the top,” iB a good motto for bald-headed men.—Cincinnati Merchant- Traveler. Not very desirable room, for there’s no ’air.— Whitehall Times. The yearly ratio of suicides is the lowest in Naples of any of our great cities. The injunction to “See Naples and die” does not seem to be strictly obeyed,— Lowell Citizen. “Your father is worth, at least, half a million,” said he to bis jealous sweetheart. “That is true;” she murmured. "And yet, you doubt my love,” he replied in an in jured tone.— Texas Siftings. Oh, yes, dear girl, work ns a motto for a present, lint have Romo taste. Last year a girl gave hs one that read: “Honesty is the best policy,” and another damsel one that declared: “Repent, for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand!” Somehow these didn't strike us pleasantly. They seemed to be -well, yon understand.— Boston Post It is related of a certain distinguished citizen of Massachusetts, who is not now living, that, after his return from a short European tour, he was accustomed to refer to it more frequently than good taste would dictate, and that on being asked to deliver a prayer in pnblic he began: "Oh Lord! Thou knowest when I was in Europe,” etc, A Paris correspondent of the Philadelphia Times says, speaking of a hotel dinner: “The piece de resisttnee was a good fat chicken, stuffed with fresh truffios.” "Wo have seen similar chickens in American hotels, perhaps not so fat, bnt there was enough resistance to prevent any one of our teeth from being the entering wodge to a hearty mealh— Texas Siftings. An American who had a jolly German friend wished to become acquainted with the German’s charming wife. “Yell,” said the German, “ofe you dreat, dot vill pe.all rigdt.” After the treat the German led him over to where the lady was sitting with a number of friends. “Katrina,” said the husband, “you know dot man?" “No,” said Katrina, modestly. “Yell, dot’s him!” Rev. Dr. Mark Trafton, in Zion's Herald , is stirred up on the subject of church choirs, and thus delivers himself; “Give me a bass drum or a Chinese gong rather than our quartettes of two youngsters with their hair parted exactly in the middle, and a pair of young girls with their wool' gathered over their eyes like a merino sheep or a Scotch poodle, who troll out something which nobody can understand, and call it ‘the praise of God!’ ” Mr. Jales was talking to the oldest daughter about a visitor who was at their bouse. “How long will he remain?” the young lady asked. “i guess he will 6tay here all the time.” “Good heavens, we don’t want him." “Bat he told me lie was going to stay." “Did he positively say so?” "Well, not exactly, but ho said he’d remain until yonr mother got into a good humor, and if he really means what he says I guess we might as well prepare for a permanent boarder’ At least, daughter, that has been my experience for the 35 years I’ve been remaining.”—Milton News. The editor of a paper has more questions asked him, and gives more answers, than any man living, though some of the answers may not be right. For instance, a correspondent of an eastern paper, says: “I have a horse that.has lately suffered from periodical dizziness. Please answer through your valuable paper and let mo know what I should do with him. I’m afraid he will get worse if something is not done soon.” The editor puts on his glasses, consults the authorities on blind staggers in horses, and answers as follows 1 : “Our advice, based on a perusal of the vain- - : able book, 'Every man his own horse doctor,’ would be to take the horse some time when ho is not dizzy, and sell him to a stranger.” The average horse owner would not need the advice, as he would sell the horse too quick, and warrant him perfectly sound,' — Peckhs Sun.