Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 March 1884 — Page 2

A TIUUCE TOLD TAIJK, More or Lorn— But Token Thla Tim* It Comoo In Rhyme. Ton weary, footeo-e travelers, All In • woful plight, Bonghtolwlter at a wayside tan - One dark-uad stormy night. , ... "Nino bo;l«—no more.” the landlord said, ' Ihnve tooff->r yon: To rnrh of eight a single room. But the niuth most sente for two.” A din stoss. Tho troubled host Guild only scratch his head; Foroi those tired men no two CunU occupy one bed. - The parried host was soon at ease— * He was,a clever man-r And so t* please his guests devised This most ingenious plan: f3SS3S!KSS.\O*3!!J!Sr3IC(!I!; In r om marked A two man were placed; The third belonged to B; The font th to C was then assigned— . The fifth retired to D. In E the sixth was tanked away. In F the seventh man; The eighth and ninth in G and H And then tb A he ran. Wherein the host, as I have said, Laid two travelers by. Then taking one—the tenth and last. He lodged him safe in 1 Nine single rooms—a room for each— Were made to serve for ten. And this it is that pnxzles me And many wiser men. —Boston Tablet, •——- 1 :r=A ... OF THE PAS T. White flowers lie npon her breast; Her throbbing pulses are at rest; A einilet glimmers on her head; She is a queen, and Bhe Is dead. Around her all is very still; ™ — Unchanged, b>hlnd a changeless hill, ... The western sun forever v_.ps. And dying splendors kiss her lips. Her passive hand a soeptre bolds; Her raiment falls n stalely folds; Her lashes slumber on her cheek; The world would listen did she speak (the will be still for evermere; Though crowned king or emperor Me do bare his treasury for h r, ~ The quiet lips will never stir. Bhe will be still; but all around. Voices, which speak without a sound, 'BM Wuderuhorus awake and thrill. Telling of her, though she is still— Telling how days had winged feet, How childish nights had slumber sweet, And little many-colored dreams Shone through the dark in fitful gleams. Then kindly Nature round us curled. The skies bent down to clasp the world. And every star, a beacon-light. Was steadfast on its stately height. Content, we fronted wonders new, Bawbow and thunder, fire and dew, Ann deemed-the-very highway sod Untrodden till we come and trod. And golden were the days of yonth. When all was beauty, jov, and truth, When sordid wealth was nothing worth, . For Love in splender walked the earth. O sweet, untroubled vision, stay l Cease, thou importunate To-day. Ceano eager toil, and clamor shrill 1 We are with her —nnd s be is still. —Margaret Veley. in Harper's Magazine,

AN ODDITY.

It was toward the close of a pleasant June day, and in the porch of the Langtry Hotel stood a group of people waiting for the afternoon stage-coach. One, • faahionably-attired young lady, with a cold, passive face, stood anxious and a trifle impatient. "Do you think she will come, Miss Baldwin?" asked a young girl at her aide, "Rose Elton ? Oh, yes,” replied the other. "I do hope so,” said another ono of the group. “We are all very anxious to aee her.” Sara Baldwin smiled, and turned her eyes to the road again. The ooach was just appearing over the brow of a distant hill, and soon after the panting horses drew np in front of the “Langtry.” Three people alighted, an old lady who had come to try the Welsh mountains for her health, and her companion, and following them a tall, handsome young man, Sara’s brother. Rose Elton had not come. Sara seized the young man as he ascended the porch steps, and drew' him aside. "Frank, didn’t she come ?” ehe asked. Frank shook his head. "Nor send a letter 1 ?” "Yes, here it is.” He banded her the square, white epistle, and then sauntered away, while Sara hastened to hey apartment to read the letter, which ran as follows: “Dear Saba, — "I am sorry to disappoint you, but I cannot come to the mountains this summer. Circumstances alter cases, you know, and circumstances with which you are probably acquainted alter this case considerably. Thanks for your kind invitation, however. ''"Yours truly, “Rose Elton.” Miss Baldwin read it over several times. What could Rose mean? “Strange,” ehe said, half aloud, as she Arose and laid the epistle in her desk with several others. “I can’t understand it at all. But Rose always was a curious person, and this is her latest and oddest freak.” When Sara descended to tho draw-ing-room that evening, her brother (knew at onpe that something had disturbed heir peace of mind. “What is it?” he whispered, during the evening. -t—_■ “The letter,” returned Sara, rather jeurtty. “A perfect riddie. No, Rose isn't coming. Don’t ask me auv more.” The news spread very rapidly. Everyone knew that Rose Elton had not arrived, and all were sorrv. No, not aIL Frank Baldwin was glad— exceedingly glad. His sister had said enough for him to know thnt Rose was coming particularly for his benefit; he was expected to entertain her, and he disliked “odd people.” So ho whistled a Ey air, thanked his lneky stars that' we stayed at home, and felt kindly towards her for doing so. Poor Rose Elton! Three days previous to that upon which the above incident took place, the postman stopped at the Eltous' residence, and left a missive addressed to “Miss Rose Elton.” Rose was down j town, however, and her mother laid the missive upon the mantel, whore she would be sure to sea it upon her re“Frora Sara T Bose cried, the moment her eyes reeled upon it. ' , ■ ■ ,

Than, without removing her out-door garments, she sat down by the window and perused its contents. Mrs. Elton looked up at her as she sat there; the letter was crushed in her clenched hands, and the face beneath the jaunty hat was white and set * “Rose,” she said, in alarm, “what is the matter? Are yon ill?" “No,” answered the girl, in a low tone. “Oh. mother, mother!” She crossed her arms upon the broad window sill, and leaning her head upon them, sobbed bitterly. The letter fell to the floor and lay there, a tiny, white flake on the broad carpet,. Mrs. Elton picked it up, and laid her hand on her daughter’s bowed head. “May I read it?” she asked. “ Yes, please. Oh, dear! could she—mean—it? Oh, dear!" came between tbe sobs. Mrs. Elton smoothed out the paper, and read it slowly. “Langtry, June 15,18 —. “My Dear Eva.— “Rose Elton is coining here next Friday. I have aroused the cariosity of the people at the hotel, and you don’t know liow anxious they are to see her. She will afford us a deal of amusement this summer, with her queer ways, and arch, innocent speeches; but, dear me, one needs something to amuse them in this dull place. That is one reason why I invito her; another, which must remain a secret between you and me, on account of Frank. She is wealthy, yon know, and would be a good match for him; besides, he is twenty-eight, and I should like to have him marry even if it must be that oddity. Yon ask me in what way she was odd, and I will try to explain, although you would need tosee her to understand her at all. She is exceedingly pretty and doesnot know it; she trusts everybody, friend or foe; she is simple and frank to a fault; ehe is never angry, at least I have never seen her so; and—well, that is all I can tell you; Bhe is entirely different from the rest of us.” Then followed a description of the “Langtry” and its occupants, all written in a cutting, satirical manner; a few friendly confidences, and the signature, “Your friend, Sara Baldwin." Now Mrs. Elton understood Rose’s white faoe and outburst of tears ; but she could not fully’realize how deeply the cruel words had wounded the girl’s sensitive nature. . ___ “Well, my dehr, you will not’think of going now?” she said. “Of course not," Rose replied, drying her tears. “I shall accept Aunt Mary’s invitation and spend the summer with her,” , “When will you go?” “Next Friday; the .same day I intended to start for the mountains.” So Rose wrote the letter that seemed suoli an enigma to Sara, and despatched it. Short ns it was, it took her a long time lo accomplish it, for the tears would fall from the long lashes and blind her so she could soarcely see the lines. But on the following day she started for her aunt’3 country residence. * * * • * « “Mary, what do you say about our taking a summer lodger?” Rose and her aunt looked up at the Bpeaker iu surprise-. “Summer lodger ?” repeated the latter. “Why, John, what gave you that ider?” “Well,” replied Uncle John, “there’s, a young man, a friend of Mr. Bradley’s, who wants to procure lodgings somewhere in this neighborhood; and as Mr. Bradley’s rooms are all taken, he asked me jf I’d accommodate him. We have room enough?” “Yes.” “And lie’s a nice young mao.” “Perhaps.” “And would he good company for our young girl here; eh,' Rose ?” Rose blushed slightly, and made a laughing reply. “Well, Mary, what do you say?" “Do as you please, John," Aunt Mary replied. “I don’t know that I have any objections.” So it was decided; and on the following day the new lodger arrived. Rose met liiin at the table that evening. “My niece, Rose Elton, Mr, Baldwin.” They looked at each other, bowed, and looked at eaoh other again; and during the meal there were furtive glances cast across the table, and Rose fancied she saw a merry twinkle in Frank Baldwin’s blue eyes, and a covet smile half hid Under the brown moustache. When the evening was over, and they had retired to their separate" rooms, they each made a mental estimate of the other. “And she is the oddity—Rose Elton!” reflected Frank. “Well, she certainly does differ from the majority of her sex; hut I like her—l. do, indeed. What would Sara say if she knew of this? But she shall not know yet awhile. And to think I should have wished to avoid this clmrming girl! Well, well, after all, Frank, you’ve not escaped the ta'-k of entertaining her. But it won’t be a task now; oh, no, not at all.” “Ho [ havereally met Sara’sbro her!” thought Rose. “Ho isn’t half as disagreeable as I had expected, and I don’t believe he had anything to do with, or knew about, that horrid letter.” The days passed by, and Rose dis covered that the summer lodger was really an agreeable person; while he, in turn, confessed that, although ho had an antipathy to “odd people,” he certainly made an exception to this one. She was so piquant and artless; so childlike and confiding; so unconscious of her own beauty and fascination, that Frank stieenmlied to her powor, and fell desperately in love with her. Uncle John and Aunt Mary cast significant glances at each other; they understood it all, and prophesied how it would end. “There wiH be a wedding as sure as Fate.” remarked Aunt Mary, shaking' her head wisely. Ami she Bpoke time; for in the following Septcmlier the marriage bells chimed loud and clear for tbe union es Frank ar.d Rose FA ton. • r r- ■ • -• •;[ *' • It was the second week of September, anfi the majority of the lodgers at tbe “Langtry” had departed for their city homes. ,4 few lingered, however, and among these was Sara. She stood upon the porch one afternoon, and waited, as

she had done three months before, for the evening stage .to arrive. She had received a letter from her brother, apprizing her of his earning, bnt no mention was made of Rose. Accordingly, when the coach door was opened, and Frank stepped out, accompanied by a pretty, smiling young girl, Sara was greatly surprised^ A second glanc6 told nor vho the girl was, and a slight blusn dyed her usually colorless faoe, for she learned of the mistake she had made in regard to the letters, and shame and confusion took possession of her for an instant; then she recovered herself, and turning toward the approaching couple, exclaimed, “Why, Frank, where did you find Miss Elton ? I had despaired of seeing you at all this summer, Rose. Of course Miss Eltou will stay with us awhile, Frank?” “I think she will,” replied Frank, with a smile. “Miss Elton no longer, Sara, but my wife, Mrs. Baldwin.”

Daniel Webster’s Disappointment.

Daniel Webster, it is known, was poor. He had the power to make money, but not to keep it, for his house was as open as the day to melting charity. His only son, a man of fine intellect and power, but like-his father, of but little wealth, asked of the Taylor administration an office, which no one doubted he was competent to fill. The result is told in the words of Mr. Webster to one of his most intimate friends. The conversation occurred while Taylor was still President. “HI were to begin my life over again with my present experience, I would under no circumstances and from no consideration allow myself to enter public life. The public is ungrateful. The man who serves the public most faithfully receives no adequate reward. In my own history those acts which have been before God, the most disinterested and the least stained by selfish considerations have been precisely those for which I have been unost freely abused. No, no, have nothing to do with politics. Sell,your iron, eat the bread of independence, support your family with the reward of honeßt toil, do your duty as a private citizen to your country, but let polities alone. It is a hard life, a thankless life. Still I know it has its compensations. There are some green spots; occasional cases, in the life of a public man; otherwise we could not live. The conviction that the great mass of the intelligent and patriotic citizens of your country approve of well-directed efforts to serve them is truly consoling. That confidence on the part of my fellow-citizens I think I possess. I nave had in the course of my official life, which is not a short one. my full share of ingratitude, but the unkindest cut of all, the shaft that has sunk the deepest into my breast, has been the refusal of this administration to grant my request for an office of small pecuniary consideration to my only son.” He then straightened himself up, and with conscious dignity, added: “I have not deserved such treatment. I have served my country too long and too assiduously to receive such a slight from this administration. However, let us say no more about it; the whole thing is too contemptible to claim from me a moment's thought."™ Cor. Cincinnati Enquirer.

Freemasonry.

Some of the traditions of the Masonic order ascribe its origin to the time of Solomon, and even earlier—to the days of the flood. It is certain, however, that modern Freemasonry sprang up during the Middle Ages, probably about the’ tenth century, when certain craft-guilds were formed. It served important purposes in the erection of the great cathedrals of the thirteenth and fourteenth centuries, when masons and other craftsmen required in the erection and decoration of these buildings, collected from different parts of Europe, dwelt in huts around them, and established chosen masters at the head. The adjective “free” was prefixed to the name of the order because its members were exempted by papal and royal edicts from burdens imposed upon other laboring classes. Like other guilds, the masons were bound to certain religious observances. Modern Freemasoury originated in England and Scotland; it was introduced into Franeejn 1725, into Russia m 1731, and into Germany in 1740. Now Grand Lodges exist in almost every city and town of civilized and semi-civilized countries. In later times Freemasonry became obnoxious to the Romish Chui'cli, and it has been prohibited by the Pope in Austria, Poland, Russia, and Spain. Ladies were excluded from the order in its early history when none but men followed tbe masonic craft and actual working men were admitted, and tbe force of custom debars them still. Four Presidents have been Masons-—Washington, Jackson, Johnson, and Garfield. — Inter-Ovtan,

The “Green Christmas” Fallacy.

An old proverb says that a “preen Christmas makes a fat chmAhyard, ” and as mpst people accept a proverb as if it were undisputably true, it shoeld be said that there is no truth whatever in' this peculiar string. No warrant is found for it in statistics, and the very fact that people whose health are below the average nre advised by physicians to seek a mild climate in winter, should show others that when the winter holidays are mild and pleasant they should not lie- oppressed with any unusual dread of impending death. It is much more likely that old ladies who dwell in a world of proverbs will pome to grief than that the undertakers will have any special Reason to rejoice.— MedioalJournal. SisfEjuTV is an openness of heart; *tis found in a very few people, and that which we seo commonly is not it, but a subtle disemulation to gain the eonCxlence of others.— Charrtm. Somkbodv who writes more truthfully than i>oetieaily, says: “An angel wifhrat money is not thought so ranch of 'ijow-a-days os a devil with a bagf&l of guineas.” The old question among ladies of what to wear is varied with questions of what not .■

AGRICULTURAL

In the Fruit Garden. —F. TL 8., Ripley county, Indiana, writes: “What with work in the orchard, getting ready to store the root crops and attending agricultural fairs; the smaller interests; such as the fruit bushes and trees ip the garden, are sometimes neg-» leeted. So it may not be amiss to say that there is no month like the present for pruning, digging round and transplanfingcurrent and gooseberry bushes. Cuttings especially do well if planted about this time. Blackberries nnd raspberries may also be planted this ! month, as well as dwarf trees.” Fowls swollow their food, broken or not,and it enters the cro por first stomach and remains in it until it has become softened more or less, when a small quantity at a time, just as grains run into a grist mill, is forced into the gizzard, among the gravel stones. This gizzard is a strong, muscular stomach, and plies night and day when there is grit to grind, similar to a bellows, contracting at times, thus forcing the gravel stones into the graiii and breaking it into fragments and triturating the whole mass, after which it is in suitable condition to be digested.— Chicago Journal. Thk . Massachusetts Ploughman. among other things, talks suggestively about the compost heap, saying that it is a good plan to have one for the benefit of the farm. The compost heap may be made of road Scrapings, the scourjngs of ditches, the cleanings of ponds, clippings from banks and hedge rows, scrapings and sweepings of farmyards, garden refuse, house refuse, and indeed all sorts of rubbish may be added to a compost heap. Even weeds will decay and then help to swell the material for enriching the land. The heap should occasionally be covered over with a layer of lime, and a layer of salt now and then is also a good addition. These materials are beneficial in themselves, and keep weeds from seeding on the top of the heap. The compost should be turned over from time to time, and when well mixed the land may be dressed with it either in spring or autumn. According to the Milwaukee Sentinel the Carey family were the first to undertake the cultivation of cranberries in the vicinity of Berlin, Wisconsin. They settled in Berlin in 1852, and in 1860 James and Richard Carey bought 000 acres of marshland seven miles from that place, at an average price of $7 an acre. They at once ditched the tract-, constructed drains, and planted berries. The first year they picked 100 barrels and disposed of the lot at sl3 a barrel. With increased financial resources they improved the marsh and profited from year to year. In 1872 they gathered 10,000 barrels which they disposed of at sll a barrel. In 1873 the firm purchased two water-powers, one located at Auroraville and the other at Hamilton, paying $17,000 for them. A canal was then dug for the distance of one mile, at a cost of $7,000, and no difficulty is experienced in flooding the marshes when wanted. Farmers Should Know the Breeds. —Farmers who have not familiarized -themselves with the breeds of-sheep should bear in mind that they are behind the buyers, who can tell at a few moments’examination exactly what kind of a sheep from which the wool was sheared, and its fitness for the purpose for which it is desired. The buyers know the breeds, the kind of wool peculiar to each breed, and all about them, lor it is “busiuei-s.” A farmfir would sneer at a eaVpeeler who professed to be a carpenter and yet who could not do a piece of work in that line; and yet,wo venture to say there are hundreds of farmers who profess to l>e farmers, and who would be insulted if their knowledge of their business were questioned, but who,* at the same time, can not te’l as much about the products of tho farm as many of those who know nothing about farm life. There are hundreds of farmers who are not able to distinguish breed, of sheep, and who do not know the particular pnrposos for which a breed is most suitable, and still they pride themselves on their calling as a business which they intend to make profitable. If such farmers could bnt bo brought to a realization of tho fact that they are rqully deficient in knowledge. it would be to their interest to do so. Every year we witness the shipment of the products of the farm to market w here the buyer fixes the grade, although he has bad no experience on the farm. Farmers as a class are not business liluy for they rely too much upon the judgment of others. It is not intended to imply that they should not seek the advice of others, but when the farmer surrenders everything to hard work, we insist that he should begin to educate himself in every possible way in order to improve his chances.— Farm, Field and Fireside. Disposing ok dead animals. —The farmers nowadays are ignorant of the value of the flesh and bones of animals for manure, but a comparatively small number understand how to compost animal matter without- loss of nitrogen, and, in the ca-e of diseased animals, risks of infection. A compost heap containing animal matter not diseased, such us immature calves, etc., may be made as follows: First spread a layer of vegetable matter and earth; soil, muck nnd sods are a good mixture; on this place a layer df animal matter,over which sprinkle lime and then soil; after this may come a layer of yard or Btnble manure"; then animal matter, with a generous sprinklihg of lime, and so on until the heap is finished. The handling of animals that have died from disease is full of danger and the usual disposition of such carcasses is burying them. M. I’astour. it seems, has proven to Lis satisfaction that the burial of diseased animals does not destroy the germs of disease or obviate tbe chances of infection to any animals that may chance afterwards to feed on the ground above where the l>ody of tbe diseased animal was buried. M. Girard,another French scientist, claims that diseased animals nifty lie converted into manure without running the risk incurred by burying them. By bis process the tufrer.eses are immersed in oil of vitroil and after a bath of forty-eight hours no recognizable portions remain. Experi-

ments made in this direction at Rt. Gobain, appeared to prove that the destruction of poisonous germs is complete. It waft shown that 321 kilograms at 60 degrees proof dissolved in ten dayenine sheep weighing 201 kilograms. The resulting liquid, mixed with 440 kilograms of coprolites from Ardennes produced 949 kilograms of superphosphate of lime, containing 36 per cent, of nitrogen. Thus, by a simple process most dangerous bodies are destroyed and valuable fertilizers obtained. —New York World. *■

HOUSEKEEPERS’ HELPS.

Do you know that eggs are nice baked in a buttered tin or spider? Of course you know how nice popovers are. Take large, smooth tomatoes, ent them in slices one-balf inch thick, dip them in brod-ertimbs and fry them a light brown m half lard and half butter. A little less than a quart of sweet milk or water thickened with a little more than a quart of graham, poured into a hot muffin pan, baked in hot oven, make good gmns. Lemon fritters are delicious. To one cupful of milk and one egg allow the juice and pulp of one lemon. These may be served with sauce; in that case add the grated peel of half a lemon to flavor the sauce. Stew and sift enough nice tart dried apples to make a teacupful, one enp sweet cream (part milk will do), two eggs, reserving the white of one to frost Sweeten to taste, add the apple last before baking; bake with one crust as for lemon or custard pie. Luncheon Cake. —Wash a teacupful of rice and simmer till tender in about a pint an 4 a half of milk; sweeten it to taste. Place a thick layer of Sultana raisins in the bottom of a dish; pour on them the boiled rice; place two or three tiny bits of butter on top to prevent burning, and bake for three-quarters of an hour. When quite cold it should be firm; gently disengage it with a knife from the sides of the disb, and turn out, when, if the rice was carefully poured in, all the Sultanas will be on the top. The'dish should be buttered before using, South Carolina Patter Pudding.— Beat up four eggs thoroughly; add to them a pint of milk and a reasonable pinch of salt. Sift a teaoupful of flour and add it gradually to the milk and eggs, beating lightly the while. Then pour the whole mixture through a fine wire strainer into the tin in which it is to be boiled. This straining is imperative. The tin must bo perfectly plain and must have a. tight fitting cover; the least bit of steam getting at the pudding would spoil it. The potful of boiling water in which the pudding pan is placed must not be touched or moved until the pudding is done. It takes exactly an hour to cook. If moved or jarred so that the pudding can oscillate against the side of the pot the pudding inevitably falls and comes out heavy. Slip it out of the can on a hot dish, and serve with rich sauce. . - Jellied Chicken.— Soak an ounce of gelatine in a teacupful of cold water for twenty minutes, squeeze it quite dry, and melt it in a pint of clear stook, in which a large tablespoonful of marjoram and half the rind of a lemon have been simmered for ten minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper and strain the liquor; cover the bottom of a moutd half an inch thick with tbe gravy, and. when nicely set in a jelly, place npon it slices of hard-boiled egg, prettily cut beet root and green gherkins in ornamental shapes. Mince together a two pound tin es chicken, half pound of cooked ham and quarter pound of tongue,; season and press this into % a compact lump, and put it into the mould in such a manner that it leaves an inch of space round every side, this space being filled with the gravy, which should not be poured until quite cool, so that it may. jelly quickly and preserve the shape of the meat. This dish can be made to look very pretty, and, in cold weather, will keep for a week.

A Daring Wolf.

Ifcjwould not bo strange if the story of “Little Red Riding Hood” should bo found tojyave originated in India, the native place of so many of the legends which English and Gorman mothers delight to tell their children. The following illustration of a wolfs cunning and" daring recalls the one who deceived the charming favorite of the nursery. “Wolves were numerous and daring,f writes Dr. Munroe, of the British Army, in his “Reminiscences” of his life in India, “coining close to, and even into, our camp. One, more daring than his companions, carried off the little girl of one of my servants, from under a tent pitched in the midst of a number of others. “3ly servant, with his wife and his little child of tw o years old, occupied a small teht pitched close to my own. The wall of his tent could not be pegged close down to the ground, so that the wolf was able to push his head under the tent, seize the child by the back of the neck, and walk off with it.” “Fortunately, as the animal with its prey was stealing ont of the camp, the sentry saw and charged it, when it dropped the child and scampered off. The little thing was brought to me, not much injured and not- much frightened The wolf must have taken a secure hold, for there were four deep wounds in the neck made by the large canine teeth.” A standing jobe in the marriage service is the part where the bridegroom says*: “With all my worldly goods 1 thee endow.” Sometimes he after wards finds bread and board for lib wife, and after he dies she gets a third of his estate, The endowment is a fraud from the start.A NEtv derice has Been patented ir London for generating electricity at sc small a cost that it will be cheaper that gasPolicemen in various cities in Europt receive pay ranging from #6 cents ir Constantinople to $1 in Edenburg. Harvard university has 1,52: studoota and 167 teachers, and tht libraries oontain 276,706 volumes.

PITH AND FOINT.

There’s a regular jam in the-pre-serve market. m Grammar Is more apt to be original Hum anything else written. Gray hairs seem like the light of a soft moon, yet are apt to turn one’s stomach if found in a plate es hash. — Carl Pretzel}* Weekly. Or the Parsees there are only 200,QOO in the world. They are not up numerically to the Smiths, to say nothing of the Smithes and Smythes.— Texas Byftings. “There’s room at the top,” iB a good motto for bald-headed men.—Cincinnati Merchant- Traveler. Not very desirable room, for there’s no ’air.— Whitehall Times. The yearly ratio of suicides is the lowest in Naples of any of our great cities. The injunction to “See Naples and die” does not seem to be strictly obeyed,— Lowell Citizen. “Your father is worth, at least, half a million,” said he to bis jealous sweetheart. “That is true;” she murmured. "And yet, you doubt my love,” he replied in an in jured tone.— Texas Siftings. Oh, yes, dear girl, work ns a motto for a present, lint have Romo taste. Last year a girl gave hs one that read: “Honesty is the best policy,” and another damsel one that declared: “Repent, for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand!” Somehow these didn't strike us pleasantly. They seemed to be -well, yon understand.— Boston Post It is related of a certain distinguished citizen of Massachusetts, who is not now living, that, after his return from a short European tour, he was accustomed to refer to it more frequently than good taste would dictate, and that on being asked to deliver a prayer in pnblic he began: "Oh Lord! Thou knowest when I was in Europe,” etc, A Paris correspondent of the Philadelphia Times says, speaking of a hotel dinner: “The piece de resisttnee was a good fat chicken, stuffed with fresh truffios.” "Wo have seen similar chickens in American hotels, perhaps not so fat, bnt there was enough resistance to prevent any one of our teeth from being the entering wodge to a hearty mealh— Texas Siftings. An American who had a jolly German friend wished to become acquainted with the German’s charming wife. “Yell,” said the German, “ofe you dreat, dot vill pe.all rigdt.” After the treat the German led him over to where the lady was sitting with a number of friends. “Katrina,” said the husband, “you know dot man?" “No,” said Katrina, modestly. “Yell, dot’s him!” Rev. Dr. Mark Trafton, in Zion's Herald , is stirred up on the subject of church choirs, and thus delivers himself; “Give me a bass drum or a Chinese gong rather than our quartettes of two youngsters with their hair parted exactly in the middle, and a pair of young girls with their wool' gathered over their eyes like a merino sheep or a Scotch poodle, who troll out something which nobody can understand, and call it ‘the praise of God!’ ” Mr. Jales was talking to the oldest daughter about a visitor who was at their bouse. “How long will he remain?” the young lady asked. “i guess he will 6tay here all the time.” “Good heavens, we don’t want him." “Bat he told me lie was going to stay." “Did he positively say so?” "Well, not exactly, but ho said he’d remain until yonr mother got into a good humor, and if he really means what he says I guess we might as well prepare for a permanent boarder’ At least, daughter, that has been my experience for the 35 years I’ve been remaining.”—Milton News. The editor of a paper has more questions asked him, and gives more answers, than any man living, though some of the answers may not be right. For instance, a correspondent of an eastern paper, says: “I have a horse that.has lately suffered from periodical dizziness. Please answer through your valuable paper and let mo know what I should do with him. I’m afraid he will get worse if something is not done soon.” The editor puts on his glasses, consults the authorities on blind staggers in horses, and answers as follows 1 : “Our advice, based on a perusal of the vain- - : able book, 'Every man his own horse doctor,’ would be to take the horse some time when ho is not dizzy, and sell him to a stranger.” The average horse owner would not need the advice, as he would sell the horse too quick, and warrant him perfectly sound,' — Peckhs Sun.

Punishment After Death.

Yon tay my tog vas gif me much many troubles. He vas a beadifql Scotch darrier, nnd he darried trroundfc der house all der tay long. He vas bite me mine leg, mit dwo place off und I dink dot tog got ter hydra wlicks, und I dink it vas l»e>ser ofer I gif him some death, und schmaek him of der jaw, nnd such tings; so I dook him of my hack garten oud, und makes a chain got round his neck, und I ties him loose by a leedle hickory valtmt tree. Dhen I got me a club shriek, nnd I yoost makes dot tog’s he ail go by dot sthick so long vat I could sthand. Pooty gwiek dot tog va3 go died; shrill dot vas make nottings out. I pound him for more as an liour long. Pooty gwick a man comes of mo nnd he Bays: “Mr. Pretzel, how is der reason dot.yon make dot tog troubles; dond you see he vas dead.”— Carl Pretzel

Sever be Despondent.

Sydney Kin ith thought that one great remedy is to take short views of life. Are yon happy now? Are you likely to remain so till this evening, or next week, or next month, or next year? Then why destroy present happine-s by apprehension of di tant misery which may never come, or you never lire to see it? For every snbstantial grief has twenty shadows, and most of them shadows of your own making. Is Salt Lake City the sidewalks are feet V kle. This, probably, is to oermit a man’s widows to walk abreast 'nslead of in couples when going to his funeral.