Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 January 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

A one-sided view—The profile. Heiresses swim only in deep, water. The homestretch—That of a lazy man. The sham rock—A bowlder on the stage. A summer trip—Stumbling over a sleeping cow. A cross counter. Jack Oldstock—“We’re very proud of our ancestry, yon know.” Tom Parvenu—“ Yes, I know; but how would yoiir ancestry feel about you?”— Harvard Lampoon. With smile so sweet Across the street, She ambled through the mud, But struck a rock, And came down k rsock! With a dull and sickening thud. “When does a man become a seamstress?" “When he hems and haws.” “No.” “When he threads his way.” “No." “When he rips and, tears.” “No.” “Give it up.” “Never, if he can help it.” Mr. Alexis Campbell was'locked np by the St. Louis police because, after nine sherry cobblers, he couldn’t walk or stand straight. It was the last straw, you see, that broke the Campbell’s back.— Life. . '1 / It’s Lowell who asks: “What is so rare aka day in June?” is it not? Well! now, if he had only stopped to think ft minute, he might have known that the 29th of February was the answer to the riddle.-— Harvard Lampoon. She was a sweetly inexperienced housekeeper, as one may gather froin her remark when some one suggested that she should purchase spring mattresses. “Yes,” she replied, “if they’re in season we’d better have some.” I | “Yes,” said a fashionable lady’, '“I think Mary has made a very good match. I heard her husband was one of the shrewdest and most unprincipled lawyers in the profession, and, of course, he can afford to gratify her every wish.” Grocer, who has lately joined the militia, practicing in his shop. “Rig it, left, right, left. Four paces to the redr; march I”—falls down trap-door into the cellar. Gfocer’s wife, anxiously: “O, Jim, are you hurt?” Grocer, savagely, but with dignity: “Go away, woman; what do you know about war?,” “No, Joseph, the steam-heating company was not formed for the purpose of heating Steam. Steam is heated before it is made—that is to when/ you heat the steam—no, when you make the steam—no—well, confound ./ you, don’t you know that steam is hot/anyway, and doesn’t have to be heated by a company?” / What to Turn ' was love orffiope? What to him was joy cr care? He stepped on a plug of mottled soap the girl had left on the topmost stair, and his feet flew put like wild fierce wings, and lie struck each stair with a sound like a drum, and the girl below with the scrubbing things laughed like a fiend to see him come. Saturday is the odd job, finishing-up day of the week. Nobody begins any great work Saturday. “What! are you going to be married on Saturday ?” inquired Cicely of her lady friend. “ Why, to be sure. It is my birthday, you know.” “But don’t you know that your husband will not live the year fl out if you marry him Saturday ?” “H-h-h! He has never heard of it. I should besuch an interesting widow, you know.” Hartford Post.

“Now I want to know,” said a man ! whose veracity had been questioned by an angry acquaintance, “just why call me a liar. Be frank, sir; for frankness is a golden-trimmed virtue. Just as a friend, now, tell me why you called me a liar ?” “Called you a liar because you are a liar,” the acquaintance replied. “That’s what I call frankness. Why, sir, if this rule were adopted, over half the difficulties would be settled without trouble, and in our case there would have been trouble but for our willingness to meet each other half way.”—Ni Y. Com. Advertiser. “I guess my husband is real sick," said a Lexington avenue woman to her neighbor, one evening. ‘‘What makes you think so?” asked the other. “Well, he came home night before last with a I raging fever,” was the reply, “and I was ( up with him all night, and this morning when I was bathing his head, he threw ..his arms around my mwk and praised me aiftT said "how gfiod I was,, ithd actually. kissed me, as he hasn t done for years. This makes me think he must be real sick.” And then she continued. “You don’t know how bad I felt, it made me feel good.”— N. Y. Com. Ad.