Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 January 1884 — Horn Todes. [ARTICLE]

Horn Todes.

Hop todes and horn todes is two kinds, cos the hop todes they hops, but the horn chap he lies on a rock in the warm and shets his eys up refel slo an sollem, much as to say, “Lyin on the stumk of my belly is good enoughpe athletticle xercise for a feller which aint a goin for to be a show.” But Billy he can turn a hanspring, and once there was aman wich cude wock on a rope. Jackßrily, wich is the wicked sail (swears and evry thing), he says one time he was a ship rweck on the cdast of Madgigasker an the ony frate saved was a horn tode. So Jack he said to the other sailers, “Now ship mates, we got to do something for a livin or els we have got to eat the second mate, wich shall it be ?” Then the second mate he spoke up and said, “A industrous caracter is the king of gettin rich,” So. Jack he sed a other time, “Very Wei, then, we wont idol a way our time a dining off of one a other but wil pitch in for to ern our bred by the swet of our broughs. We will make this horn tode a show and charge the natif niggers ten cents for to see him.” So they made a circus tent out of the mainsle and Jack he painted a signe wich was this way: THE WONDERFLLST SHOW WICH IS IN THE WORLD! Only 10 Cents for to Get In. ! 1 ! THE LIVJN CACT’US ! ! ! This a stonlbhin Freak of Nature and Vestdge of Creation was giv to Queen Victoria by the King of Arizony, but got a way an eoine home in 2 ships, Brother to the Fossle Rhinottyycurious, and Firs Cusin to the Prehistorric Pugwutninely, Scientifficle name— Jamboree Jcwhilikins. Wock Ur! Wock Up! The Only Reptile in the World which liute got Horns ! I ! Wen they had got ready for the show to begin Jack he stude in the dore for to take the money, an pretty sune a big naked natif nigger he strutted up and read the sine, cos he had been teached by a mitionary preecher for to read, and then he wocked a way lookin mity wise, and Jack he sed, “I bet that feller is the king, an I guess he has red some thing to-day wich wil teech him that kings dont know it all by adamsite.” There was no customers to the sho that day, but nex morning wen it was time for to begin thar was a string of natif niggers a mile long a watin to get in, and evry nigger had a bag threw over his sholder, an if e feller wich-had been there the day before, he was to the hed of the procession, and he spoke up and sed, “There aint ten cents in this howle country, but we want to see yure sho mity bad, so we tot mebby you wude take it out in trade and we nave brot you the only thing which the Island produces. ” Then the line it mooved up and every natif nigger he empted out a bagfie of horn todes jest like the one wich was the sho. There wasent neyer any sech a stonish fellers like Jack an them sailers. Wen Jack tole me a bout it I ast him wot thay done, and he said, Jack did, “Well, Johnny, we dassent keep em out of the sho, and we dassent let em in, and we was too brave for to run. So we just flew.”-UM/e Johnny, in the S. F. Wasp.