Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 January 1884 — Page 6

WHAT HE DIO NOT DREAM. By the farm -house cate tn the old coach road, with her parcels packed by her side she stood. Twas early in September. And the clinging bands, andXhe words they And the quick warm flashes of light that broke From the eyes of each a thought awoke, Which both might well remember. Would they meet again? 'Twas all he said. Might he caU? He saw she was sore afraid And with some sad memory worried. "No, no," she said, and she blushed for shame. And she pressed hie hand, and she breathed his name, As the old stage-coach with a rumble came And off to the town she hurried. And lone through his mind wild fancies stole Of a maid who pined ‘neath some fierce control And sighed at her window casement. And the thought her purse-proud parents bore A sting to his heart and it grieved him sore £ Nor dreamt he she worked in a fancy store And lived in a down-town basement. —Net® York Journal '

A CLEAR CASE.

It was nearing sunset on the fourth day, and the steamer wasplowing along through Erie—that most deceitful, most dangerous lake of all the chain—clearly intending to reach Buffalo by next day noon. The passengers had been having their little fun, for they had all become pretty well acquainted in those seventy sweet, blue hours, velvet beneath, satin above, sunrise to sunset, with never a cloud or drop of rain, or seasick soul, save one dear woman, who early retired to her state-room and partook, a discretion, of nux vomica, third potency. Some one had bottled a written account of the trip; some one else had mounted the caps! an, made a bright if rhapsodical speech, and hurled .the bottle into the waters, the deremony being attended with much laughter and handclapping. This concluded, a most excellent humor pervaded the company; even the six stately representatives of two most exclusive families: —social pillars of aWestern metropolis—conceded the claims of the occasion. Of this party of six, two were elderly ladies, sisters, Mrs. Wolfe and Mrs. Close; the remaining four, the two daughters of each, young ladies, whose ages might safely be reckoned within the limits of 17 to 22. Papa Close had put them all aboard the steamer in their own dear, dirty Western river at 8 o’clock the Tuesday evening previous. It was now Friday, and Papa Wolfe would meet them at the dock in Buffalo on the morrow—Deo volante. So they could not be considered exactly as unprotected females. Besides, was not the jolly skipper their “most obedient,” with all his Hibernian absurdities ?

They had started out with an excessive frigidity toward each and every one else aboard, but this had thawd, and they were now disposed to patronizeafter a kindly fashion.i The young ladies wete standing, arms lovingly entwined, in groups of twos; three of them were dressed alike anti resembled each other; the fourth was an odd lamb, her countenance being more piquantly expressive than that of sister or cousins, light, sparkling, mischievous, where theirs wei e tolerant and heavy, with the weight of propriety and “good form.” Her eyes were heavily lashed; her nose tipped saucily; her mouth 'was a' carnation-leaf, and the sugar-spoon hat she ■wore, like the others, had hardly secured her from sunburn and freckles. She carried a yellow, foot-square satchel of alligator-skin, with her name silver-lettered on the outside—one of her names at least, and that by which she was best known—“heliothope.” She wore a blue-flannel yachting suit; her hair was the sweetest brown with veins of red gold shining throughout. She lacked the self-conscious expression of Isabel Close or Agnes Wolfe, the ladies at her left, just back of Delicia Close, a thin edition, whose embrace bordered her a little. Nearly all the passengers were on deck, in groups of threes and fours. The excellent mammas, Close and Wolfe, sat not far away, middle-aged, well-dressed, with an occasional fine diamond as a lettet of credit. Up apd down the narrow passage between the cabin and the rail of the propeller sauntered the steward of the vessel, a remarkably good-looking, yet at times melancholy, young man, with a cigar in his mouth that might have been an immortelle sos his apparent everlastingness. At times.. he seemed, to gaze meditar tively upon either Delicia Close or Heliotrope Wolfe, an unprejudiced observer on oath mignt hesitate in asserting which. Perhaps Mrs. Wolfe could have said, though, for Helie was only too often in mischief of the kind. Besides—but this takes me back to the night they started. That night the moon was just rising, yellow as gold and as smooth as a platter, when the good byes were spoken, the last kisses exchanged, and Papa Close, with others equally forlorn, went ashore, reflecting that during his family’s six week’s sojourn at the seaside he might give uridivided attention to his newestracehorse. N. B.—lt was the middle of August; but they had all been doing the DeUs of the Northwest—all save Miss Heliotrope, whokhad spent two months, with a school-friend not far from her own city. ;

The propeller was growling hoarsely as it moved down the river, through open bridges and the tangle of shipping, out under the star of the harbor light, into the caressipg arms of the lake; and the Wolfe-Close party, having concluded the inspection of their three staterooms, sniped doubtfully at the sixinch looking-glasses, and wondered if there were mosquitoes—or anything else that bites—on board, appeared on deck to witness the moonrise. They all found, seats together, excepting Helie, who, with usual perver- , rity, wondered off to the other side and stood gloomily by herself. _ ; She stood so but a few moments, however, when a gentleman, who had suddenly emerged from the cabin, approached. She stared a second, then thrust out her hand with a joyful cry of recognition: “Phil! Phil Lawson!” He caught both hands and squeezed them hard-~nobody was looking at them; everybody was interested in the moon. “Yes. heroism,"he laughed. “Aren’t you surprised ?”

“Awfully! But awfully glad. How did you know we were coming? You did know, didn’t you? Are you going clear round? Why it is simply splendid,. But I have a scolding ready. What did you mean by such a melancholy letter as that last one ?” She poured this out in a breathless way as audacious as the proximity of her face. “‘Yes,” he said, “I am going all the way—” then hesitating for some reason. * , Helie glanced across the deck and suggested that they stroll to the stern of the boat, as she had much to say. “Tell me how you knew,” she ran on, “and O, by the way, were you angry, awfully angry?” “About what?” “About my letting you think my name."

“O fudge, little puss. You didn’t suppose I didn’t know about you weeks before you came to your friend’s ? Why she wrote me to come so as to meet you. She knew I’d fall in love at a glance—well she wasii’t far out there ” and he gave her arm a hug. “But then the absurdity of your coming there with only a couple of sateen dresses at 30 cents a yard, and making her introduce you as Miss Healy, a poor orphan, selfsupporting, and so forth, for the purpose, I’ve no doubt, of making all the young fellows wild after you because they couldn’t marry you. For of course a man doesn’t care so much for a girl he knows he can marry.” “I didn’t ask Laura Dodge to introduce me as ‘Miss Healy.’ ” said the young lady, spelling out tire name, “I said ‘Helie.’ ” “O didn’t you? Nor you didn’t allow me to call you ‘Miss Healy,’ ‘Miss Kittie Healy,’ ” he remarked pensively. “Now, see here, there might have been some fun in a poor girl palming herself for an heiress—” “ O that would be horrid!” “Think so?” “Why, of course! Phil, shall I take you back new and introduce you to mamma, and auntie, and Isabelle, and Agnes, and Delicia ? O dear, I wish they were at home !” “So do I!” Another hug—of her arm only, of course. She laughed. “ Well, come along. I shall introduce you as Laura's friend. No one knows we have corresponded.” “But first, Helie, I’ve something to say.” “O, afterwards.” They were standing quite alone at the stern, directly over the screw (nice place to get sick) with a single lantern overhead, faint in the moonlight. And he was looking very fond and very melancholy. He was a good-looking young fellow, with a per-fectly-golden mustache and a tenorpitched voice. He was a little lazy of speech—being of Southern parentage. “No, Helie. for when you have heard me out I fear you will hardly wish to introduce me.” “Why, Phil!” *

“It is true. Pussie—l used to call you Pussie, didn’t I?—when we last met, only a few weeks ago, I had a fortune of my own, a very decent one, which I might have asked a certain dear little girl to help me spend, if she loved me enough. Now —it is gone. Irretrievably gone! Speculations have carried it off as the wind carries thistledown. lam a poor man.” “O Phil!” She clutched his arm with’ both hands and regarded him tearfully. “Dearest, you do care ?” “ You know it.” And, having kissed him fondly and wiped away her moist grief, she inquired : “But where are you going ?” “To Buffalo.” “And then?” “No further. I return with the boat, because, you see”—he winched as he confessed it—“l am the steward.” “The steward ?” she echoed. “Yes,” resignedly. “So, of course, it wouldn’t do to introduce me. Your family couldn’t sympathize as you do, dearest.” Helie sighed; but presently her spirits rose like life-buoys. “I don’t care Phil; it must be jolly to be steward and order all the meals. Please have ice-crcam often and lobstersalad.” ' “Just wait,” said Phil lugubriously; “wait till you see me inspecting a great ugly chunk of raw beef to-morrow, and watching the men to see’that they don’t comb their hair in the pudding, ok wise their faces on the dish-towels.” “Do they do that?” she asked faintly. “O Phil, I forgot how long I was staying. I must run back. I'll see you early in the morning. Deliyia—she is my rqom-mate—Delicia always sleeps late. Good-night, Phil.” “Good-night” (y ith usual accompaniment).

Miss Heliotrope lay awake a long time that night, in the upper berth where she could look out through the little window and see the mqonlight on the blue velvet. She Sighed once or twice and, when she slept, dreamed ever of Mr. Lawson. Next morning she was out on deck early and had a little ehat with him, but the rest of the day Delicia clung to her most provokingly. Nevertheless, the melancholy young steward sauntered about, consoling himself with a wonderfully good cigar and occasionally making himself of service to the matrons of the party. He seemed not to care much for the other passengers, among whom were noticeable a fat lady with a thinnish husband, a widow, a small boy, and a family entire, including twins in arms, though at meal times he was on the alert to* see that all were well served, taking his own refreshments an hour later at one end of the long lable entirely cleared. “That is a very obliging young man,” said Mme. Wolfe to Mme Close, the second or third evening! as they sat on .deck in the Mackinaw harbor and watched Mr. Lawson escort a party of young people, including their own 'daughters, ashore to. board a Lake Superior steamer which was waiting there with its brass band playing serenade music fit to break, one’s heart—along with the moonlight. “Very obliging, almost think him fit for something better. Such a life must be degrading. I passed him to-day as he sat as dinner. You should have seen the great dish of

corn-beef and cabbage!"—with a shudder. f “Dear me| Was he eating it?” “Well, he was looking at it.” “Dear, dear! What a beautiful night, Teresa! It reminds me of Naples Bay.” The young people returned in high spirits, and, as soon as the boat left the harbor, got up a social dance in the cabin. Helie, who furnished the music from the cabin piano, was greatly amused on glancing up to find her cousin Isabel waltzing with—the steward. x Isabel spoke of ft a little later in a singular tone of hesitation and deprecation: “Itwas ao absurd! The stewward came up and asked me to dance. I hardly knew—that is—well, he waltzes very well—came right up and asked me “ “Yes, dear,” putin her mother suavely. “And such an obliging person, really. You are tired; you musn’t dance again.” And now to get back to my startingpoint as fast as possible. It was midforenoon of the fourth day—Friday—when Agnes Wolfe, who had been lolling on the upper deck with a goodisli umbrella and a baddish novel—her back against a small boat, and her feet most anywhere—heard her sister’s voice in the passage below, and leaned for--ward to see whom Helie was talking to so confidentially. Immediately after she sprang up, and, flouncing forward to the ladder, she descended rapidly and sought her mother.

“Mamma,” she cried, gasping and choking over it: “Mamma, Helieis—flirting with—the steward!” “My love! You shock me. Ask her to come to me at once.” And Helie saw no more of Mr. Lawson until, standing by Delicia, in the sunset, she observed him patrolling the passage with hia cigar. Delicia carried her off presently to dress for supper. Delicia talked a great deal. “It’s been a lovely trip, Helie. The St. Clair Flats were heavenly— if the men hadn’t tried to shoot birds. I can’t see any fun in shooting things you don’t Wan’t. Can you?” “No,” said Helie, with disgusted brevity. That night, when Delicia’s regular breathing told that she slept, Helie slipped down from her berth, drew aside the curtain, and peeped out. One single, melancholv figure leaned upon the railing. a _ “Phil!” He turned quickly. “Helie darling.” “Phil, it’s making me awfully nervous.” “Is it darling?” “Yes.? “But yojjr father will surely forgive us.” “I think he will. But, Phil, if he shouldn’t, you are young and brave — you could work.’’ “O yes, I could work; I’d make the chips flv.” “Chips?” •

“Yes. Out of the logs, you know'.” “But if any one knew. what a fuss there would be! What time do we get to Buffalo ?” “About noon.” They whispered a while, then closed the conference, and Helie returned to her berth. Toward noon next day there was a general stir. Sentimental passengers gathered in the cabin and sang “The Sweet By and By.” Miss Heliotrope, not being of this assembly, went out and feed the baggageroom porter to unStrap her trunk, from which she took sundry smaller articles and crammed them into her alligator satchel. Then she went forward and climbed to the upper deck to hear the steersman yarning as he neglected his wheel and got the steamer headed for the sandy side of the lake until the skipper ripped out an oath or two and bade him be careful. Then the city grew nearer and nearer, and finally the journey was at an end. Five of the "Wolf-Chase party seemed in no haste to land, but stood gazing intently over the railing. “Ah, there is Mr Wolfe!” cried his wife, waving her handkerchief. “Agnes, Helie, there’s papa! He will come onboard. We must wait here!” Some ten .minutes after the gentleman was embracing them all in turn. ’‘Where’s Helie?” he asked at'length, in surprise. “Why didn’t she come?” Sure enough, Helie was missing. Mr. Wolfe turned pale. Had anything happened her ? The girls ran hither and thither wildly. The other passengers had landed and the crowd dispersed. Helie was not on the landing. Mrs. Wolfe was faint: Mrs. Close frantic; the girls hysterical. “Where’s Capt. Burke? Where’s the steward?” cried Mrs. Close. But neither gentleman could be found.

After a half hour's excitchment the baggage porter appeared, and, with a knowing grin, admitted having seen the steward and the young lady going ashore together the very first of ’all. Mr. Wolfe was nonplussed for a little, then started to the door (they were all in the cabin), where he was met by the porter, who had gone out reconnoitering, and returned to report the delinquents as coming aboard again in good shape. Mrs. Close, first to recover, darted out to meet them, leaving the others to regain self-possession. “Oh, Helie! How could you!” cried her aunt, reproachfully. “Your mother, is perfectly prostrated!” “Is .she?” Helie returned, coolly. “Never mind, she’ll get over it. Do you suppose papa will forgive us for getting married?” “Married!” shrieked her aunt. “Yes, know in this State it doesn’t take fiiteen'minutes. You don’t need any license —only a minister.” Mr. Wolfe met them at the door. “Why—why Lawson, where did you drop from?” he cried. “Helie, I thought you were up to some folly with the steward?” “Oh no, papa,” and she kissed him. “No folly at all; he teas the steward, but he isn’t any longer; for of course vn'n’li HpJn him nut now hn’a mxr kwoband." 1 ~ Mr. Wolfe stared and his countenance underwent a series of expressions. Then he gave a short laugh and ejaculated:

“Great Scott! If this doesn't beat all!” Then severely’: “Where’s your marriage certificate, Helie ?” “Here, papa.” “Very well, my dear. Lawson, you’re as bad a crank as 'your father, bless him. But of course I’ll have to forgive you; don’t let it occur again. Funny my wife didn’t remember you. Been abroad two years, haven’ta.you? Helie has been shut up in boarding-school; that’s 'what makes her so romantic.” “But, papa—” “O, it’s all right, my dear. No divorce talk.—if he has fooled you. You ought to be glad I’m so pleased.” \ And so Mr. Lawson found himself gobbled up in short order, and blessed as well as forgiven by his mother-in-law. Then they all set off for the hotel in high spirits. “Steward,” said Mr. Wolf, “how many trips had you made ?” “This was the second.” “Last, too, eh ?” “Yes, nnie.ss Helie wishes ine to continue. Hhe thinks it awfully jolly.” “It is not so bad,” said Helie stoutly, t ♦ * ♦ * * * Postscript—lt occurs to me that the whole affair may have been a preconcerted plot. Girls and their mammas so often understand each other nowadays, and Laura Dodge used to say that Helie was “a perfect little divil.” Tlowever, as faf’as MrTEawson’s affections were cocnerned, every one said it was “a clear case.”—LiZZy M. Curry, in Chicago Tribune.

Fighting a Skunk.

I was once on a visit to a sheep-farm-ing brother, far away on the southern frontier of Buenos Ayres, and among the dogs I found there was one most interesting creature. He was a great, lumbering, stupid, good-tempered brute, so greedy that when you offered him a piece of meat he would swallow your arm, and so obedient that at a word he would dash himself against the horns of a bull, and 'face death and danger in any shape. But, my brother told me, he would not face a skunk—lie would die first. One day I took him out and found a skunk, and for upwards of half an hour I sat on my horse vainly cheering my cowardly follower and urging him. to battle. The vefy sight of the enemy gave him a fit of shivers, and when tha, irascible little wretch began to advance against us, going through the performances by means of which he generally puts his foes to flight without resorting to malodorous measures—stamping his little feet in rage, jumping up, sputtering and hissing and flourishing his brush-like, war-like banner above his head—then hardly could I restrain my dog from turning tail and flying home in abject terror. My cruel persistence was rewarded at last. Continued shouts, cheers, and hand-clappings began to stir the brute to a kind of frenzy. Torn by conflicting emotions, he began to revolve about the skunk at a brisk gallop, barking, howling, and bristling up his hair, and at last, shutting his eyes, with yell of desperation, he charged. >1 fully expected to see the enemy torn to pieces in a few seconds, but when the dog was four or five feet away from him the fataldischarge came, dropped as if dead. For some time he lay on the earth perfectly motionless, watched and gently bedewed by the victorious skunk; then he got up and crept, whining away. Gradually he quickened his pace, finally breakinginto a frantic run. In vain I followed him, shouting at the top of my lungs; he stayed not to listen, and very speedily vanished from sight—a white speck on the vast, level plain. At noon on the following day he made his appearance, gaunt and befouled with mud, staggering forward like a galvanized skeleton. Too worn out even to eat, he flung himself down, and for hours lay like a dead thing, sleeping off the effects of these few drops of perfume.— London Field.

Cleanliness.

When water is as free as air, and good soap can be bought for a few pennies, there is no excuse for any one to go dirty. Yet I once heard a young man remark, one pleasant afternoon late in the summer, that he must go in swimming once more, or he should not get a good wash again until spring. Now the “good wash,” which the young man implied by his remark, is one which should be taken at least once a week, and of tener if possible; and a wash to which the reader may apply his own adjective - -should thfetrffiiteFr day. But lest there b» some that are unable to define such an one, perhaps something like the following will suffice : Bare the arms to the elbow, and give the arms, wrists and. hands a thorough washing, giving pai ticular attention to the joints of the wrists, the knuckles of the fingers and the fingernails. Then loosen the binding of the clothing about the neck, arid give the neck, face and ears a similar cleaning, not forgetting the teeth. This process, repeated as many times a day as is convenient, together with the good wash, will, in conjunction with those habits which such a course will be likely to form, promote good health, and may be the means of inducing another to go and do likewise.—Dr. D. N. Patterson, in 'Good Cheer.

Bob Ingersol's Mail.

It is a noteworthy fact that an Amorisan citizen who is fortunate enough to acquire anything like notoriety is certain to be inundated with floods of letters. Out of the entire number received there is hardly ever one that has the slightest interest or value. Col. Ingersoll receives every day enough letters in the way of advice, suggestion and argument to make the fortune of a junkshop. I was in his office not long ago when he received a brief note from an Ohio man covering ninety closely written pages of foolscap, pasted end to end, so as to make a long roll. -The writer desired to have a little friendly argument with the Colonel and his letter was the first installment.

Peace.

Peace is the highest aim of the superior man. Begin to regulate before disorder comes. Where legions are quartered, briers and thorns grow. In the track of great armies must follow bad years.—Lao-tee; Chinese. Buffaloes are becoming scarce in the ranges of Nevada.

SUGGESTIONS OF VALUE.

When thyme, parsley, lemon-peel, sage, tops of tongues, and all sorts of sweet herbs are plenty they should be dried and grated and kept for future use. ( Straw hats, both whitiHmd colored, that have lost their stiffness can be stiffened on application of a solution of gum-arabic in water. Apply with a cloth on the inside and outside. A Black Chip Hat.—To renovate a black chip hat, add to one pint of cold water a teaspoonfnl of spirits of ammonia; use with a soft brush (a tooth or nail brush will answer the purpose), and when well cleaned, rinse with cold water and place in the sun to dry. Do ‘not soak or scrub sufficiently to destroy the shape. It will look like new, so says the Country Gentleman. How to Wash Spanish Lace.—l saw a fichu which a friend cleansed which looked almost as well as new. She put ammonia into water sufficient to make it feel slippery, and soaked the lace in it over night, then squeezed (not rubbed) it out, rinsed and pressed it slightly. A trifle of sugar added to the last water is better than starch.— Good Cheer. Uses of Aromatic Herbs.—On the authority of Vick's Monthly it is said that pennyroyal distributed in places frequented by roaches will drive them away; that wil<f mint will keep rats and mice out of the house, and, it is said, will also keep them from entering cornstacks; that leaves of parsley, eaten with a little vinegar, will prevent the disagreeable consequences of tainted breath by onions. Tottering Vases.—A tall vase filled with flowers and placed on a bracket is very apt to be blown to the floor, if the doors are open for ventilation. To prevent th is the 6’ownZr?/ GenZ/em nn advises us to fasten the vase to the bracket with fine elastic cord, which will allow it to be easily taken down and replaced. If a light vase, holding dried grasses or everlasting flowers, is easily pushed over, put in an ounce of shot to make it heavy. If, the vase is transparent, coat the shot with flour, and dry before using.

Perfume Sachet.—To make a perfume sachet, take a piece of blue satin, a half yard long and eight inches wide; fringe the ends a quarter of a yard deep, sew. the edges of a plain piece together on the wrong side, and turn carefully right side out. Take a half sheet of white wadding and place a little perfume on it, then make a roll of it large enough to fit exactly from end to end of the satin cover. Tie as tightly as possible a piece of pale blue ribbon around either end of the satin; ,sew it fast to the satin to keep in place, and finish with bows. The side may lie ornamented with painting, embroidery dr applique. Table of Weights and Measures.It is useful for reference. Cut it out and save it: Wheat.......... 60 Buckwheat.... ...52 Shelled corn. i>6 Dried neachex 38 Corn in the ear 7(vDried apples 24 Rye,,.. COjOnjons 57 Peas CO 5a1t.......5U Oats'. 32iStonecoalss Barley 47 i-Mr.lt. ; : r.w... . « Irish potatoesCßißran2o Sweetpotatoes.ssl Turnips 55 White beans... 58, Plastering bait.. 8 Castor beans46iUnslacked lime 80 Clover seed.... 00l Corn mewl 48 Timothy reed. 46 Tine salt... 54 Flax seed.. 561Graund peas.'.. 32 Hemp seed., ~. ... -..44+Cotton seed.. .TB3L Blue grass seed Ulßough rice 43

Ident fied by a Broken Toe.

There came to Boston not lohg ago a gentleman from California, who w:as paying his native State of Massachusetts a visit, after an absence of nearly thirtyfour years. He was one of those who, in 1849, went out to the land of gold to seek his fortune. He was only 19 years of age at the time of his departure, and, like many other , youngsters who have gone O it inf o the world, soon got w. aned of home longings. His folks, after a

a time, ceased to get tidings from him, and for the past twenty years he had been thought to be dead by his relatives. ■He came to Boston, as stated, and sought out his relatives, and found some of them; but none of them recognized in the man of 53 years the youth of 19 who left home so many years ago. Among others who were not quite satisfied with his identity was an aunt who lives in the Highlands. When he went to see her and stated nize you, sir; but, if you are the one yori claim tdbe/you cau tell me the date ot your birth and where you were born.” These he gave to her correctly, but still she had a doubt. " "If you are,” she said, “my nephew. I think you have a mark on you that will convince me of your identity. When he was a boy he broke one of the toes of his right foot. I remember distinctly how it looked and which toe it was. If you can show me that broken toe, I will believe you are my nephew.” The gentleman at once pulled off the boot and stocking from his right foot, and there, sure enough, was the identical broken toe. It is needless to say that that broken toe cleared up all doubt.— Boston Herald,

Nevada “Petering Out.”

Nevada is said to be gradually “petering out,” so to speak. JI er population has dwindled' to 6’2,000, which makes her the most thinly-inhabited State in the Union. The big residences at Virginia City, and Gold Hill, whjph cost immense sums of money, are being torn down and used for firewood; and the rich deposits of ore* out of which such great fortunes were being made a few years ago, have pearly all been exhausted. The State has no agricultural possibilities, and unless she can find a way tomtilize her deposits of salt, sulphur, and borax, must soon cease to produce anything worth mentioning.— Chicago Times.

Not by Standard Time.

Epitaph in a cemetery: “I await my husband, 10th October, 1820.” And below: “Heream I! 7tjhFebruary, 1880.” Added in pencil by wicked stranger: “Late as usual!” But the fling was uncalled for. The deceased could not help being the 1 ate Mr. —— ■* 11 It is said that men and women of social position patronize the opium dena of San Antonio, Tex.

PITH AND POINT.

fFtoiA the Fort Wayne Hoarfer.l If you eat head cheese and ox tail •oup you will make both ends meat. When your tooth is a-king and you want Ito apply a sovereign remedy, pound (£) it. The anagram for the word “editors,” is “so tried.” We have learned this from actual experience. “Come, Colonel, set ’em up again!” urged a jolly crowd at a wet goods emporium the other evening. “No, gentlemen, I never re-treat,” was the reply- ’ „ “Some men, like pictures, are fitter for a corner than a full light,” said Seneca. Other men, like pictures, don’t show their good points until they’re properly hung. Lord Halifax once said that “if a man w ere to set out by calling everything by its right name he would be knocked down before he got to the corner of the street.” It is said that one pound of green tea boiled until its strength is concentrated into a gill of liquid contains poison enough to kill over 1,000 cats. Would to Caesar more tea could be used this way. “What’ll you drink?” asked a wellknown politician of a friend as they stood together in front of a Calhoun street bar. “Oh, I’ll take some O-D-V.” “What’s the other name for it ?” asked the aproned dispenser of liquid poisons. “Why eau de vie— the French for brandy, of course.” “Yes, we see,” said the politician, “a little learning is a dangerous thing.”

[From Peck’s San. J An Illinois man offers a shot-gun and a setter dog for any information leading to the whereabouts of his missing wife. A shot-gun and setter dog might be an inducement to give her up. .... Herr Lasker says the “brain power of the people” is the distinguishing feature of the United States. It is evident that Herr Lasker keeps posted on the rapid growing development of the slugging matches in .this country. A California editor thinks he has solved the Indian question. He recommends whisky, and calls attention to its usefulness in the fact that every time a lot of Indians get drunk one or more are sent up the golden stair with a cracked skull. Whisky is of some use after all. A hen's nest is announced among the late patents. If it can fool a hen so as to make her lay more than one real good fresh egg daily it is all right, and if it has an anti-setter it is better, and the inventor will not only reap a Iflg reward, but a monument will be erected to his memory by a grateful people. The young man who lives beyond his means; who spends twenty dollars a week when receiving but ten or fifteen dollars salary, has no reason to complain if the finger of suspicion is pointed at him. Neither should his „parentsLor.guardians be surprised if he is called upon to answer to a charge of embezzlement. An observing exchange remarks: “When a young man begins to raise down upon his face, it is no wonder that he acts like a goose,” Come to think; of it, it is about the time a young man’s face begins to look fuzzy that he begins to realize that what he don’t know w ould make a mighty small book. That down makes him think that his vest is plenty large enough to make his lather an overcoat. But it seems strange that when that same down gets a little stiffening in it, and begins, to be a real beard, that same young man begins to think that he didn’t know' quite all there is to know in the world, and as he grows older he realizes that all the fools in the world are not dead yet, and wonders why the fool-killer has delayed so long in paying him a visit, that ought to have been made w'hen he was from sixteen to twenty years of age.

Facts About Digestion.

Jessen has carried but a series of experiments to determine the time necessary for the digestion of equal quantities of different meats and of milk. Three different methods were employed in th'e investigation: 1. Artificial digestion; 2. Introduction of the meats’into the stomach of a living dog, bv means of a fisttila; 3. Upon a Mthymwailowing-hini to swattbw" the foods used, and ascertaining the time of digestion by means of a stomach pump. The results obtained by the different methods were, on the whole, uniform, as far as the relative time necessary for digestibh in each case was concerned, and may be stated as follows: Raw beef and mutton were digested most quickly; for half-boiled beef and raw veal, a longer time is necessary ; thoroughly boiled and halfroasted beef, raw pork, and sour cow’s riiilk. followed next; fresh cow’s milk, skimmed milk, and goat’s milk were still, less easily digested; while the longest time was required for thoroughly roasted meats and boiled milk.

Nature and Art.

A lady artist, who had painted a smiling cherub on her canvas, remarked to a gentleman observer: “Do you know, sir, that with one stroke I can change this smiling boy into a weeping one?” “That’s nothing,” said the gentleman. “At home, when my boy makes too much of a racket, I can, with one stroke of my cane, make him weep, and howl, top, instantly.— Texas Siftings.

A Fall Out.

A teacher asked a bright little girl what country was opposite to us on the globe. “I don’t know, sir,” was the reply. “Well, now,” pursued the teacher, “if I were to bore a hole through the earth, and you were to go in at thia end, where would you come out?” “Out of the hole, sir," replied the pupil in triumph. • Daji Le Valley, the noted scout, has at last succeeded in finding a passable route from the Musoleshell river to Sheep Mountain, Montana. Antelope are numerous in northern Texas.