Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 January 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Hard case-r The turtle’s. The beau of Dinah—Sambo, Ail undesirable loan —A cyclone. A rash aet—Catching the measles. The boy who always stays by the ship —Bob-stays. - Valuable notes of hand—Those of the reporter. In leap year the girls are liable to jump at any. chance. —The Hodsier. Edison’s lights are all right, hut he ia suffering a little from his liver., He ia a high liver.— 2'{ie Hoosier. If a great big man calls you a liar, treat him with contempt. Do not, however, make your contempt too conspicuous. It would hardly do to speak of the girl who has her dress caught in the door-jamb as the fast girl, and vet that’s just what she is. I have a bright prospect before me," said the loafer. “You always will have,” remarked Fogg. “I don’t think you will ever hatch up to it.” He slipped quietly in at the door, but, catching sight of an inquiring face over the stair-rail, said: “Sorry it’s so late, my dear; couldn’t get a car before.” “So the cars were full, too,” said the lady, and farther remarks were unnecessary. Uncle George: “How do, Belle? Got back again ?. Had a good time ia the country ?” Belle: “Splendid, Uncle George. I never had such a nice time in my life.” Uncle George: “What did you say his name was?” Wonder what Uncle George means, and wonder, also, why Belle blushes. Friend to artist: “I see the art committee reject that picture of yours.” Artist: “Yes, and it’s all because one of the members was prejudiced against me. But I’ll get even, you bet.” Friend: > “I’ll tell you how to get your revenge.” Artist: “How?” Friend: “Paint liia portrait.”— Louisville Courier Journal. A lady at a hotel, whose unruly children annoy everybody in the house, the other day said to a noted teacher, sitting near her at the table : “Professor, do you believe in the use of the rod in the management of children?” The Professor glared at her annoying children, and grimly replied: “Sometimes, madam; but there are caseswhen I should prefer a revolver.” “Ah ! good morning. Going to church to-morrow?” “Church! Ob, yes; I guess so. Who holds forth?” “Oh, let’s see. Miss Crescendo is to sing an aria, Miss Pianissimo will warble a bit, Bravura he is to hum on the tenor side and old Andante will come in somewhere on the chorus. It will be up.” “But who preaches?” “That makes no difference. Some fellow who will touch up our transgressions mighty light.” When Longfellow wrote: “I look dpwn over the farms, In the fields of green I see The harvest that Is to be. And I fling to the air my arms, For I know it is all for me, —The windmill," he had, probably, not made the acquaintance of the grasshopper, army worm, and weevil. It is a little singular that it did not occur to Longfellow that some of the rye might find its way into a gin mill.— Texas Siftings. “You blamed scoundrel,” said a defeated candidate to one of his henchmen, “you played me foul and heat me;” “You’re a liar, I didn’t.” “If you had used that money the way I told yoa, I would have pulled through all right.” “I did use it that way.” “I say you didn’t.” “Oh, come off the roof! Didn’t you tell me to use my own judgment in. putting it where it would do the most good?” “Of course I did.” “And so did L I looked over the field, and after a careful survey I concluded that it would the most good in my pocket, so I put it there. Do you want to borrow a quarter ?”— MerchantTraveler. A crippled man entered the dooryard of a sensible old fellow and asked for aid. “I am crippled and cannot work,” he said, “and if yon will only give me a few cents to get something to eat, I will ever remember you.” “I never turn a needy man away from piy door,” said the old" fellow, shoving liis hand flown into- his poeketv AHow did von get crippled ?” “f was plating base-ball and —” “What! get out of this yard or I’ll cripplo you a blame sight worse. Can’t pick up a newspaper without seeing something about your devilish game. Go on away or one of these days, when you are unable to lift your hand, you’li look back to the slight ailment which now affects yon and regard it by contrast as the happiest time of your ill-spent life.”— Arkansant Traveler. *