Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 January 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

A /guilt frame—The prison-window. Quick at figures—The dancing master. A modern lock’s-myth—A woman's hair. Never step on a barrel hoop when it is down. Bank sigh—The moan of an onioneating lover. A missing eollar-button causes a man to let out his choler. Quite frightful—Nihilism is not the worst evil of Russia. The women are said to’be addicted to china-painting. A Philadelphia girl has patented a machine which will make a gallon of ice-cream a minute. She calls it the Mary Andereon freezer. t Darwinian theory: There is a boy in Norristown who “sprang from a monkey.” The monkey belonged to an or-gan-grinder and attempted to bite the boy. —Cape Ann Advertiser. “When I married Georgiana,” said Frank, “my folks told me I was foolish to wed a girl who didn’t know how to handle a rolling-pin. Lord, how they misjudged her! Do vcm see that lump on my head ?” - . - A YOUNG man having asked a girl it he might go home with her from the singing class and been refused, said: “You are as full of airs as a music-box.” “Perhaps so,” she retortpd; “but if I am I don’t go with a craiik.” “Oh, papa,.dear, I wish you’d come home. I’m really afraid mamma has taken a drop too much ” “Gracious heavens, child, what do yon mean?” “That new homeopathic medicine, you know, I’m afraid I’ve given her seven •drops instead of six.” Fifteen years ago an Alabama man killed a peddler. Ever since that time his wife has held the crime over him as a whip, obliging him to split all the wood, build the fires, and rock the baby. Rendered desperate by her treatment lie has given himself up to be hanged. ' Mr. Cushing has found ancient cigarettes of cane and corn-leaves in the caverns of Zuniland, proving that the cigarette was known in America fully two thousand years ago. As all those prehistoric smokers are dead now, the dangerous nature of the practice is ap: parent to the meanest intellect.— Rochester Post-Express. The New York Journal is asked : "If a youth is engaged to a young lady whose ‘father shuffles off,’ what is the youth's place at the funeral ?” This i 3 a somewhat difficult question to answei; but if the youth were to “shuffle off” there would be no trouble to determine his position at the funeral. He would fall in immediately behind the clergyman. “How is it you never married, Charley ?” “Oh, I donlt know, except that I remained single from choice.” “Why, I heard that you tried to get that Podkins girl a year or two ago?” “Yes, I did ask her to marry me.” “And she wouldn’t have you ?” “That’s about the size of it. So I remained single from choice—her choice, you know.”— Poston Transcript. Montaigne—who is now deceased, we believe—said: “There is no torture that a woman would not’suffer to enhance her beauty.” But we don’t believe a woman would suffer the torture of seeding her husband come to the opera with a strange lady, when he told her, as he left the house in the evening, that he would be down at the office until midnight and she need not wait up for him. Not more than once. . - . l IE any man ever contemplated a visijs to the dentist, he will remember that! he suffered ah eternity before tlie* fang came, and the twentieth part of a second when it did come. Not so about getting married. When a man contemplates getting married he will remember that he fairly rolled in the sweetest of love’s embraces but when the mother-in-law fang was visible to the wellclothed eye, he suffeied torment of the aching tooth.— Carl Pretzel's Weekl y..: —_ A member of the English House of Commons, who had been payiug attention to a young lady for a long while, had taken her to attend the House until she was perfectly posted up: in its .rules. On the last day of the session as they came out ho bought her a bouquet, handful of flowers?” Promptly.she replied, “I move to amend by ommittiug all after the word hand.” He bltishingly accepted the amendment, and they adopted it unanimously. “Ah, here is a bright tiling,” said Mrs. Shuttle, as she looked up from the newspaper. “Mr. MeCosli suggests that Carlyle’s epitaph be: ‘Here i ie3 one who gave force to the English tongue.’ ” “Yes, yes," said Job, looking up from his visions in the grate fire, “a mighty bright idea. Wonder if I should be accused of plagiarism if I should inscribe it -on your tombstone.” “I intend to take very good care that you don’t see my tombstone. I’ll out- . live you, so there. Now, see if I don’t. .Hatefulne’ss!”