Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 December 1883 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

*Hct foot is a nbgiii; 1 * the lover aajjdt "A IIipUHHoUS ry tuili is !i. r trciifl,!’ “Vrs,” said his friend (a sort of heat), “Spoil.lair the measure, J two lOpK^e-ot.** A .pair of slippers -Orange and, banana skins. ■ ’ Tire song of ttie bricklayer—“ Still there’s mortar follow.” An-anonymnus article—-a baby before it is ehrist'endil. What plight to go together?—A-tur-nip watch and an eighteen carat gold chain. - A man never knows wlrat' genuine poverty is until he has to shave withsoft soap. It is said that, Michigan womeh get married just so as to keep a man About thfihou.se to, scare away tramps. Bismarck is said to look like a dollar l stdre when begets alibis decorations on. V ~ ~ " T ' The King of Bm'iuah has four Queens and Gen,.Schene.k_cOßside.rs him on the road to prosperity. The bonds of a public official are always good : until they Are wanted,.in court, and then they aife good for noth 1 ing. What is the difference bet ween a glass half full of water and a .broken engagement? One is not tilled full and the other is not fulfilled. “Never kiss anybody on the mouth,” says Dr. Hall, “unless you are reckless of consequences.” Young people are naturallyreckless.—- Lowell Citizen ,

“Why are so many classic concert pieces called ‘polonaises’ on the programme?” inquires Edith. Because they are quite long and generally, drag. The Princess lionise, travels with -sixty-five pieces of.baggage and she has lio Gebliardt to get it cheeked, poor thing. Practice makes perfect. True, but a mail can continue to drop ; a hot horseshoe as readily the fir.-1 time trying as the second. “At last I know there is such a thing as a cold snap,” remarked the burglar to the sheriff, as lie clapped the steel shackles on the shekel stealer. We do not care whether the French banish Prince Napoleon or not. As he knows no English he can't come over here and lecture. _____ Liberalism is creeping into all the churches; but the poor preachers notice that it lias not yet struck the contribution box? : —— It is said to require $7)0,000,000 to take care of the egg business of this country. Verily, the hatchways of the ship of state need many repairs. The “Tobacco Waltz” and the “Cigai Quadrille” are two new dances lately invented in Middle Tennessee.. One must be up to snjiff to follow the pipei who provides the music for them. The meanest slight a girl can put upon an admirer is to use a postal card in -refusing an offer that she doesn’t actually care two cents for him. L “It is a ole savin’ dat one bird in fie ban’ is wuth two in de bush,” says Uncle Mose. “It may be wuth more ter de man, but it ain’t wuth half as much tei tie bird.” A Norwalk girl harigiUiip the following illuminated motto in the back parloi close to the sofa: “E plus I bus, yum, jinn.” And the young man sighs “Sum Modbus.” - We are offering a chfoino to any one who will bring to this office a pretty young woman, with dimples, who will not chew her tinder lip, as she goes along the street, to make them show. 4 A Tennessee girl is suffering from hydrophobia produced by.-the bite of a Squirrel. That’s what) a girl gets for fooling with, a squirrel when there are so many desirable'young men liandy. “What are you always thinking about, Ida?” “I am always thinking about nothing, auntie. 1 never think about anything, unless I happen to think about something to think about.” “Pa, ■is‘it right to call ft man born in Poland a Pole?” “Of course, my child.” “Welt, then, if a man is born in Holland is lie a Hole?” “Tut, tut! I’ll answer no more of your silly questions!” Two little gills were comparing progress in cateehL.m study.•" “I have got to original sin,” said one. ‘‘How far hkve you got?” “Oh. I’m beyond redemption,' ’ .said the other!, Husband (- a. in., after a curtain lecture) —“Well, all I've got to say is, if you are a person of such refinement and good breeding, yoU ought to be above talking to a drutißCn fellow at this time of the night.” „