Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 December 1883 — Page 2

THE COWBOY’S TALK. ’Are there no real tfood Injuns?" Th? cowboy raised his head, And. jilaticinirat the tenderfoot, Hetunw SHo him aryl said: “I rode theTratr.es, pardner, Ten years in rain Or sun, But as'to real good Inir.ns, I iiain’t met moro’n one. .A swig o’ that horse liniment,' And then I’ll try to place This A 1 vlttuous redskin That for goodness trumped the ace. "Twas at the bar of Mack’s Ford, A lot of boys one day Got to making things quits livtly In a bail and cartridge way. I banged around about me And didn’t count the odds— I'd been soakin’ electricity Like fifty lightning rods— AVnen suddenly the Sheriff And his gang came bounding down, And*:he boys took to their cattle And dusted out o’ town. But something was the matter, With my headworks, I dare say, Foi: J.stumbled by the roadside And couldn’t find my way. And the next I can remember It was night and pitchy biack, - And I tried to strike the trail from there, But couldn’t hit a track, And I was mighty dizry, - And,l felt I should have died, When-standing just before me An Injun’s shape I spied. He held his hands out to me, But didn’t say a woid; A;> when I tried to hail him He ue. 1 her spoke nor stirred. And then 1 slipped in somehow Between each sturdy arm, And he let me down so gentle Without a bit o’ harm. And I lay there quite contented And slept untiF’twas day. And woke to find him watching At tny side the same old way. Sol climbed upon my uprights, And a word I couldn’t say, Bnt l looked the red man in the face. And then—l sneaked away. Wo parted. But, as years pass by, I wonder more and more If still that real good Injun stands At- Mack’s tobacco store.

AN ODD VENTURE.

Tom Morcambe was in love and in debt—two circumstances which considerably disturbed his equanimity. His pecuniary embarrassments ’were less serious than his love affair, for the former were of a temporary nature, while the latter threatened to be permanent. The combination made him restless and anxious to avoid the society of his fellow-men, so he packed up his portmanteau and started off to refresh his weary soul by a week’s solitude by the sad sea waves. Slocum-super-Mare was his destination, but when he arrived there he found, to his intense disthat the quiet seaport town was in a state of turmoil, being on the eve of a contested election. Not being pleased with this state of things, he moved on the next day to Morriston, a small fishing village a few miles up the coast. Tom was in an unsociable frame Of mind, and he never even looked at his fellow-passengers. The compartment in which he traveled was full, but he resolutely buried his face in the newspaper, and read steadily on till he reached his station. When the train slackened speed at Morriston, he dragged his' portmanteau off the rack and alighted on the platform wish a blessed sense of relief at the prospect of ft few days of absolute quietude. * The aspect of Morriston was eminently calculated to soothe his nerves, Tor at that period of the year he had the place all to himself. There was no other guest at the little inn where he took up his quarters: the native population was represented by a few children and old men; the bathing machines were drawn up high and dry above the deserted beach, and the most complete desolation prevailed. Tom Morcambe wandered for an hour or two along the seashore with perfect satisfaction, and then returned to the, inn. He undid the straps of his portmanteau and unlocked it in an absent frame of mind, but without any misgivings. He even began to throw the contents, pell-mell, upon the bed, when suddenly he awoke to the fact that there was something wrong. A gaudy pair of worked slippers first aroused his suspicions, and, upon further inspection, he perceived that the portmanteau, though it was the very counterpart of his own. evidently belonged to some one else. It immediately occurred to him that, in his hurried exit from the train, he had appropriated a strange portmanteau by mistake. At first he was disposed to blame his own carelessness, but he was not in a mood for self-abase- , ment. He therefore soon commenced to branch hearty imprecations at the head of the other fellow, and to speculate on what pad become of his own , property. ? . w From the point of view of equality of exchange there was not much to choose Between the two portmanteus and their respective contents; but when Tom reflected that his contained, among other things, a precious photograph and a lock of golden hair, he became angrily convinced that he had the worst of the bargain. He was seized with a feverish anaciety to recover his property, and finding among the stranger's luggage a sealed letter addressed to a Mr. Burrows, of Bilchester, a town about thirty miles off, he resolved to go on there immediately. Doubtless he would succeed, with the assistance of Mr. Burrows, in tracing the person who was the bearer of the letter. , Without a moment’s delay he called at Mr. Burrows’ residence, a modest house in the suburbs of the town. When the servant opened to door he handed her the letter rather unceremoniously, and requested to see her master; but the gm explained that Mr. Burrows was nut within, and that she didn’t know when he would return, so he contented Ipuiself with writing the name of his hotel on one of his cards, and leaving a message that he would call in the evening. t He returned to his hotel in an uu\amir.ble mood, but, having done ample justice to a capita'l dinner, he recovered his good htimdr. After all, his own portmanteau would turn up, sooner or later,, snd meanwhile he need feel no •Acrnple about ' making use of the stranger’s property., This reflection occurred to him while smoking a soothing cigar after a decent bottle of claret, and he consequently resolved io postpone his visit' to ME Burrrows’ till next morning. ’ Btrt just as he was thinking of going up stairs to bed, the waiter came and handed him a small parcel and a visitiryrcard. The parcel was neatly done upW brown paper, and bore no name

or inscription. The accompanying card, to his great surprise, was his own—the one ho had left at Mr. Burrows’ house. “What the deuce is the meaning pf this?” exclaimed Tom,, as the waiter prepared to leave the room. young person called just now and left tlie parcel for the gentleman whose name was on the card,” said the man, lingering. “Was there no message?” inquired Tom. “No, sir; only the parcel was to be given into your hands directly,” returned the waiter, '• Tom began to perceive that there had been a misunderstanding. No doubt the parcel had been sent by Mr. Burrows in consequence of the letter he had delivered, and was intended for some one else. It was rather a strange proceeding to return a visitor’s card, but probably the messenger had bungled over his, mission. The most likely explanation seemed to be that Mr. Burrows, imagining that the bearer of the letter had left the wrong card by mistake, had sent it back with the parcel, At all events Tom was too sleepy to speculate over 1 the matter, and he therefore carried the parcel upto his room, intending to return it when he called upon Mr. Burrows’ in the morning. He was rather surprised at the weight proportion to its size, and when he got upstairs he was seized with curiosity to know what it contained. As it bore no address, he felt, under the circumstances, justified in opening it, and he therefore cautiously undid the wrapper. Inside the brown paper covering was a neat deal box, also without address or, inscription. It was hailed down, but the fastening was by no means formidable. After a few minutes’ hesitation Tom whipped out his pocket-knife and pried open the lid sufficiently to be able to take a peep inside. , Another covering—tissue paper this time —baffled his curiosity, but on lifting the edge of this he beheld a gleam of gold. His amazement now overcame his scruples, and without more ado he wrenched off' the lid completely. “Sovereigns, by Jove! The box is literally full of them,” he muttered bellow his breath. Tom eould hardly believe his eyes, but he soon convinced himself that he was not mistaken. The sovereigns were neatly arranged in closely-packed layers, and as far as he could judge, the box contained .£'soo at least. He proceeded to do up the parcel again in an absent manner, while he speculated upon the meaning of Mr. Burrows conduct. Even assuming the box was intended for someone else, it seemed extraordinary proceding to leave such a large sum of money at a hotel in such a reckless way. He had previously ascertained that Mr. Burrows was a retired tradesman of very good repute, and from all accounts he appeared to be the last person to commit such a rash and unbusinesslike action, y-te?-This singular incident somewhat disturbed Tom’s night’s rest, for it seemed as though fate had placed in his hands the means of freeing himself of his pecuniary embarrassment. There was nothing to prevent his appropriating the money and making off with it, and as it was all in gold there would be but little risk of detection. Of course, he was too honorable to seriously entertain such a project; still, the temptation was so vivid that he quite longed to disembarass himself of his treasure. Accordingly he set forth as early as possible next morning to Mr, Bnrroiys’ house with the parcel under his arm. He sent in his card and was ushered into a small sitting-room; but, after a short interval, the servant returned with a message that her master was to unwell to see him. “I called about this parcel,” said Tom. “It was left at my hotel last night, and I think there must be some mistake. Will you ask Mr. Burrows. The servant disappeared again, but presently brought back word that Mr. Burrows did not understand what he was alluding to, and knew nothing about any parcel. “What!" exclaimed Tom, in amazement. “Why, it was left at my hotel last night with the card which I delivered into your hands at the door yesterday afternoon. Of course, I imagined it must have come from Mr. Burrows.” Bujxqks. says anything about it,” said the girl, looking mystified. — “You gave him my card, I s suppose, and the note ?” said Tom, after a pause of astonishment. “Yes, sir! directly he came in,” said the servant. “This is most extraordinary. Just go up to your master again, my girl, and repeat whet I have told you. You might also ask him if he would kindly let me know the contents of the note I delivered,” he added, as an afterthought. Before Tom had time to collect his scattered ideas, the servant came back again, looking rather scared, with an envelope in her hand, which he recognized as the note he had brought the day before. “Master has forbidden me to come hear him again,” said the servant,laying the note on the table. “He is in a dreadlul passion. He says it’s a cock-and-bull story, but you’re welcome to see the letter.” “A cock-and-bull story, d is it?” growled Tom, snatching up the letter. “It strikes me I'm being made a fool of, anyway. Hullo! what does this mean?” He had opened the envelope, and found it contained nothing but a plain sheet of letter paper and a card. The latter bore the name of • • ••••• •••• : Mr. A. C. Strawbridge, : • • ; Solicitor, > I • • : . ■ Slocum. : J ' and beneath was written in pencil: “Bearer suspects nothing.” “Well, I’m . Listen my girl; this is all nonsense,” broke forth Tom, impetuously. Here I am landed" with a confounded parcel that I know noth’

ing about., •Go and tell your master 1 must see him—or, at all events, ask him’ what" I am to do with this thing.” “I dusn’t go pear him, sir,” said the girl, shrinking back. “Besides, he particularly said I' wasn’t to take/ the parcel. He says- he’ knows nothing about it,” “Very well, then,” said Tom /in desperation., “It is all a mistake, but if he won’t see me, I shan’t take any more trouble.” With this Tom marched out of the house in a great state of virtuous indignation, but with an odd sensation that fatq had decreed he should ( keep the money. He would have left the parcel with the servant in spite of Mr. Burrow’s injunction, if he could only have felt that he was doing right. It seemed hardly likely, however, that a person Avould deny all knowledge of sueh a consignment, if he were really the sender. It is true that Tom was inclined to doubt Mr. Burrows’ veracity on this point, but, after all, he might be mistaken. He hurried back to his hotel and questioned the waiter who had taken in the parcel. The man, however, adhered to his story, and was quite certain that Mr. Buyrows’ name had never been mentioned. After all. , the only circumstance which connected that gentleman’s name with the parcel was the accompanying card which had been left at-the house, and Tom had done his best to follow up this clue. As there appeared to be no one in the hotel who expected to receive a parcel, Tom resolved to apply to Mr. Strawbridge, of Slocum, to elucidate the mystery. In his excitement he had forgotten all about his missing portmanteau; but it now o?cured to him that Mr. Strawbridge could explain the whole affair; for Tom still suspected that the parcel had been intended for the messenger who carried the letter, and upon reflection he felt more and more convined that Mr. Burrows, for some mysterious reason, had deliberately attempted to deceive him. Tom therefore traveled to Slocum by the earliest train, revolving these things in Ims mind, and at the end of the journey, having recollected the impending election, he had formulated his ideas a little. He was hardly surprised to learn that Mr. Strawbridge was the Conservative agent, and, though it had been given out that the election was to be conducted on party principles, he began to feel a little suspicious. He called upon Mr. Strgwbridge at his office, but discovered that he was attending a noisy meeting of his party at the as-sembly-rooms. Tom waited patiently until the proceeding broke up, and then tooK tiie eaiiient opportunity to accost him. Unfortunately, Mr. Strawbridge was a fussy, self-important individual, and little suspecting the delicate nature of Tom’s communication, he declined to accede to his request for a private interview, but roughly requested- him to state his business on the spot. His manner put Tom’s back up, and although there were several persons in hearing, Tom did not hesitate to inform him that owing to an accidental circumstance he had been entrusted with a box of sovto deliver to him. Tom then proceeded to detail the facts of the case, and his story caused-a perceptible stir among the bystanders. “Pooh! pooh! It’s all nonsense,” interposed Mt. Strawbridge, turning very red, and glancing apprehensively aroUnd him. “But what did the note mean then?” cried Tom, not relishing the statement. “The money was sent to me because I was believed to be your messenger.” “Hullo, Strawbridge!” exclaimed a voice from the crowd, significantly. “Gentlemen, I assure you this is an unworthy mameuvre of our opponents,” said Mr. Strawbridge, raising his voice. “It is an attempt to convict me of bribery and corruption. I know nothing about the parcel. This young man has been sent here to prejudice our candidate, and to spread damaging rumors,” “Shame! shame!” burst from the excited bystanders; and Tom, who was by no means disposed to take this rebuff calmly, suddenly became the object of popular indignation. Before be had time or opportunity for remonstrance, his hat was crushed over his eyes, and he was violently ejected into the street. But he clung to the precious parcel with dogged determination, and man* -aged. to. easily it Tom was a hot-tempered fellow, but he had a pretty shrewd eye to his own interests. After what had passed, he guessed that, neither Mr. Burrows nor Mr. Strawbridge would be anxious to claim the box of sovereigns, which he considered himself entitled to retain by way of damages for the injuries he had sustained. He took the next train to town, and paid the money into his banking account, and then wrote to bbth of tte stowtratared geutlem pressing his willingness to refund the money to whichever was entitled to it, upon receiving a satisfactory explanation. Strange to say, neither of these communications elicited any reply, and from what he afterwards gathered from the local press, Tom is inclined to believe that he will remain in undisputed possession of his spoil.— London Truth.

Some Logics.

A new pair of pandyloons may cofer de leeks of a fool, but vhen his mout vas go open, der fool shumps out, Der reason vhy de boys dond got der mitten much now, vas” because the gals-'don’t can knit. Vhen«you try to been a big fool, a goot many vill give you dheir muscles. Vhen you don’t got something, your uncles goGsbaek on you. Lofed by some, blamed by odders, I vill youst lass mineself at efery ting, on ackonnd I hate to cry mine eyes out on a leedle times. . Don't never stheal, or you get der schmell of brimstone about your pandyloous pooty gwiek. Some men; #iay always been around but dhey was never skgware, •> | You dook more dronble to fpund! brimstone as yau do to got ghlory.— Carl Pretzel. ' Pbofessor G; K. Gilbert, United States geologist, proposes an earthquake at Salt Dake as a solution of the* Mormon question. ... ;

THE GREAT NORTHWEST.

Prophecy Being Fulfilled in the Growth of the Country. • Westward the course of empire takes i,ts way; r The four first acts already P aHt .' . . The fifth shall close the drama with the day, Timp.'s.noblest offspring ig tnaiMt. - , , These words of Bishop Berkeley are more than poetry ; they rise to prophecy. They are inspired by his brief visit to the American colonies nearly 20f) years ago. ""7 ; ■ ’ This vision of Berkeley was not the first prophetic vision of five aets in the political drama of mankind. Nearly 3,000 vears before the King of Assyria —the" first civilized empire of which history give us an account, an empire which had ruled the known world for 1,400 years—had a political vision, which the Hebrew and the Christian would regard as divinely inspired and divinely interpreted by the great propheT/^ceOTding^totirat^sibn,.all that was to come to pass thereafter was divided, like a drama, into five grand acts, Or parts of a drama, in which a change of scene was a chahge of continents, in which #s leading characters were ruling a drama which, in its grand sweep, involved the political destinies of the whole human race. He saw in his vision, first, the golden kingdom of Assyria, of which he was the head; second, he saw that overturned, to give place to the silver kingdom of the Medes and Persians under Gyrus the Great; third, he saw that silver kingdom overturned by Alexander the Great, to give place to the brazen kingdom of the Greeks; fourth, he saw that, in turn, give place to the iron kingdom of the Romans, and he saw its subdivision into ten lesser kingdoms of “iron and clay, partly strong and partly broken,” the ten European nations into which the Roman empire was divided. He saw all that,-Berkeley’s “four first acts already past,” and beyond that he also saw in the far distant future and in the fullness of time, the “God Of Heaven set up the fifth gingdom, which shall never be destroyed, and the kingdom whereof shall never be left to other people.” In other words, he saw the last form of government upon earth, in which the people govern themselves, and which, the prophet says, shall stand forever. Whether skeptics or believers, whether we regard the vision of this great monarch, warrior, and statesman of the first civilized empire of tire earth was natural or supernatural, whether the.vision of God or the simple iuspiration of human genius, none can doubt the United States of America —this great republic, the outgrowth and heir of ffiH the ages, -far nation the world has seen fulfilled that prophetic vision. Beyond question this republic is the leading character in the fifth and last act of that great drama. The course of empire and civilization not only now is, but has always been, westward. In the providence of God it seems as if the north temperate zone of this great continent has been reserved to receive to - its bosom this child of promise—the now empire of a higher and better civilization. After a century and a half of struggle in the wilderness, the republic was born. At the end of its first century it is already the foremost nation of the earbli. At the end of the second—not by arms I trust, but by its progress in all the arts of peace, by its greatness, and the blessing it confers on mankind—it will lead t!ie civilization of the world. It will Americanize and republicanize all the nations of the globe. What is true of the whole world is true of our own republic. Within our own boundaries the course of empire is westward. In this great northwest, which embraces the States of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, lowa and Minnesota, and which embraces all the Territories west of them to the Pacific Ocean, is found, already, the seat of our empire. The opening of the Northern Pacific Railway, the Wisconsin Central, and the extension of the Chicago and Northwestern, and, perhaps, more than all for Milwaukee and Wisconsin, the extensions of the Chicago, Milwaukee and St. Paul railway, of which our honored guest is president, have already done much ajid will do infinitely more to realize and demonstrate to all the world that the great - Northwest is, indeed, the new empire or civilation.. It is here that the picked men k and.XQßfiajal best blood of the ruling races of the earth, meet and mingle on terms of social and political equality. As the outcome of all this, as centuries roll on, here will be found the finest, strongest, highest race of men the world has ever seen. In the fullness of time, not by war and conquest, but by the peaceful operation of laws of free trade and enlightened public opinion, I do not doubt that all of British Columbia and the Dominion lying between T*»ke Superior and Alaska, will be united with us, as a part of the great Northwest, including all the Valley of the Red River, the Assinnaboin, and the Saskatchewan, as, by the laws of nature and right, they ought to be.” Address of Hon. James R. Doolittle.

The Heredity of Crime.

“The principles of hereditary descent seem to hold good as to counterfeiting. Of course, there are many exceptions. Here we have a criminal whose ancestry seems to have been perfectly pure and honest. Here we have one whose ancestry is one continuous chain of jailbirds. But, in general, the rule holds good. Bad parents produce ‘bad children, and parents who are counterfeiters breed counterfeiters.” “Have you any cases where the crime runs through several generations?” “Yes, many. I have now in my mind a family in Indiana who, for three generations, haye been practicing counterfeiting. I believe the fourth will follow in the footsteps of the preceding ones. All along the line thev have been detected and punished, but they plot and replot, and are no sooner but pf prison for one crime than they are in again for another. They are bright, intellectually, and could make a good living in other i ways, but villainy. seems bred in their ' bones, and it comes out in the flesh, generation after generation. We have . a number of other cases where the crime has existed m whole families for ! two generations, ami seems to be fairly

progessing towards a third. It often runs througli a whole connection, and fathers and Sons, brothers and sisters are now in prison for not the same but successive and different crimes.—lnterview with Secret Service Officer.

Nativity of Apple Trees.

In the present efforts to get hardy fruit trees from climates as near similar to that of lowa awakens the inquiry as to where our various apple trees originated. Some one, who is evidently better informed than we are, : gives the nativity of one hundred of the most popular trees, as follows: Alexander, Russia; Albemarle Pippin, Va.; Autumn Strawberry, N. Y.; Baldwin, Mass.; Bailey Spice, N. Y.; Belmont, Va.; Bellflower, N. J.; Broadwell, Ohio; Bailey Sweet, N. Y.; Benoni, Mass.; Bourassa, Russia; Blenheim Pippin, England; Beauty of Kent, England; Cayuga Red Streak, N, Y.; Chandler, Conn.; Canada Beinette, Canada; Cooper, Ohio; Doctor, Pa.; Dominie, N. Y.; Duchess of Oldenberg, Russia; Dutch Mignonne, Holland; Danvers Winter Sweet, Mass.; Early Joe, N. Y.; Esopus Spitzenberg, N. Y.; Early Harvest, N.Y.; English Golden Russet, England; Fameuse, or Snow, Canada; Fall Wine, N. Y.; Fallenwater, Pa.; Fulton, 111.; Fort Miami. Ohio; Golden Sweet, Conn.; Garden Royal, Mass.; Granny winkle, N. Mr; stein, Germany; Golden Pippin, England; Gilpin, Va.; Hay’s Wine, Del.; Hawley, N. Y.; Holland Pippin, Holland ; Hartford Sweeting, Conn.; Herefordshire Pearmain, England; Hubbardton Nonesuch, Mass.; Jonathan, N. Y.Jeffries, Pa. ; Jersey Sweeting, N. J.; Jewett’s Red; New England; Keswick Codling, England; KingThompkins Company, New York; Kane, Delaware; Lyman’s Summer, Conn.; Leland Spice, Mass.; Lowell, Mass.; Tiadies’ Sweeting, N. Y.; Limber Twig, Va,; Lady Apple, France; Melon, N. Y.; Michael Henry Pippin, N. J.; Mother, Mass.; Newtown Pippin, N. Y.;. Monmouth Pippin, N. J.; Northern Spy, N. Y.; Newtown Spitzenberg. N. Y.; Ortly, N. J.; Orange, Conn.; Overman’s Sweet, Ill.;-Orne’s >Early, France; Peck’s Pleasant, R. I.; Pomme Girls, Can.; Paradise Winter Sweet, Pa..; Pumpkin Sweet, Conn.; Roman Stem, N. J.; Rawles Janet, Va.; Rambo, Del.; Red Canada, Mass.; Red Astraclian, Russia; Rhode Island Greening, R. I.; Rome Beauty, Ohio; Roxbury Russet, Mass.; Swaar,-N. Y.; Sops of Wine, Europe; Standard, N. Y.; St. Lawrence, Can.; Sine Qua Non, N. Y.; Smokehouse, Pa.; Summer Pearmain, England • Sweet Romanite, Ohio; Tailman Sweeting, R. I.; Tewksbury Winter Blush, N. J.; Townsend, Pa.; Tetofsky, Russia; Twenty Ounce, N. Y.; Vandervere, Del.; Wagener, N r Y.; Westfield Seeknofarther, Conn.; .Winesap, N. J.; VYilliajns’ Favorite, Mass.; Wells’ Sweeting, N. Y.; Willow Twig, Ohio; York Imperial, Pa. This shows that eighteen varieties are European .in origin, mostly from Russia. Twenty-six from New England, twenty-two from New York, the balance from the Middle States, and none from an extreme south.—lowa State Register.

An American Institution.

The hotel or restaurant pumpkin pie is not the simon pure article. It has liad too many foreign airs added to it. It may be good, and may pass for what it is intended, but it can’t hold a candle to the pumpkin pie our mothers and grandmothers made. Just look at the difference in the two brands, ilother’s had a nice short crust with an edge about an inch deep and in this was a plump measure of pumpkin “pulp” mixed with nice fresh eggs, milk and just enough spice to give it flavor. It was a picture of a blooming, healthy pie. It makes a man’s mouth water to think of it. The store kind of pumpkin pie has a sort of a sickly second cousin countenance and is scarcely over an eighth of an inch thick, with a crust on the bottom that almost breaks a tin? ner’s shears to cut it. As for taste, that has to be imagined, as it is a sort of go-as-you-please flavor between tan bark and cinnamon. Then again, one hundred store pies will be made out of an ordinary twenty cent pumpkin. Each pie is cut into eight pieces about the size pf two. fingers, which sell for 5 cents each. This brings 40 cents for a pie, or S4O for the product of the tov - * Tlfc&k tlto ■ s tose k eepijr $39.80 profit on his pumpkin, and as the crust is thin with no shortening in it, 80 cents ought to cover this cost, action! A slice of mother’s pumpkin pie the size of your two hands, that’s the regulation cut in home-made pie, and an inch and a half thick contains more real' pie than a dozen store pies, and there is no danger of teouble from indigestion after eating it. There should be some ’’ action taken by life Legislatures to prevent the degeneration of this great American institution —the pumpkin pie. If this is not done, future generations will read in history of a dish now so highly prized by patriotic citizens and grieve to think that the building of the pumpkin pie of their forefathers is a lost art.- -Peck's Sun.

Gave Him Change.

“An ken ye give me the change fur twinty-foive" cints ?” asked Dennis of a merchant. “Yes, I think I can.” ' “An’ will ye?” “Yes, here it is,” ane he handed him five nickels. “But hold on. Where’s the twenty-five cents?” “Oi hev no tjrinty-foive cints, yer honor. Oi only wanted change fur wan an’ ye said ye’J give it to me. Good day, sor.”— Arkansas Traveler.

Standard Time.

“Hello. Jones, what time is it?” asked a Fort Wayne man of another yesterday. “It’s just time that you paid the $5 you owe me.” ■ “Is it. indeed; I didn’t think it was so late as that ”— Hoosier: The price Of good-looking young China girls in San Francisco ranges from SSOO to SI,OOO. An honest man needs no other recommendation. . ,

PITH AND POINT.

[From the Port Wayne Hoosier.l A sweet strain —pulling taffy. Pay as you go. If you can’t pay, stay. Ba kino powder crushed will rise again. “It’s a cold day when Tip left—hanging," said the icicle. “It’s only a waste of goods,” said the fellow when he hugged the dry goods dummy by mistake. “I loved thee once, I love the still,” sings the whisky guzzler. The wearning of corsets is on the decrease. That’s what they’re for. An editor who was attacked by two rowdies put them to flight with a stick of wood. He gave them club rates. “I am never missed any more when I go off on a visit,” sighed a West Wayne street lady. “Why not?” asked her friend. “Because, since I got married they all call me Mrs.” [From the American Counting-Room.] Tnr busiest printer takes. the most : e’s. It is a wise politician that can strad- . die the tariff. < Purchasers of petroleum certificates are crude speculators. . A sad man is not alvvays large, though he may be one bf great sighs. ~ To be safe in “the madding crowd,” even a watch should be on guard. It is not natural for millionaires or cannabal islands to object to the di-et? Strikes seldom pay. A match is one of the few things that can strike to advantage. What is “as rare as the day in June?” A day in February, as there are two less " in tbfe year. Successful merchants ought to make good fishermen because they'know how to secure the net profits. Some men are often like lamps. They may be bright and shining lights and yet_ when you look inside you will find them wicked. Lemons may not be very nutritious as a steady article of food, but there are thousands of people who live on the Rhine, and are healthy. IFrem Carl Pretzel's Weekly.] The housewife’s refrain—“ Let us sweep. ” Of all books the almanac is the most -jieasonahle. _. The influence that cotton wields is felt everywhere. cackle as we pass by. “Do they miss me at home, do they miss me?” sang Boodleby’s wife at a parlor concert, and Boodleby came up and whispered in her ear: “Don’t be a fool. How can they ‘Miss’ you when you’ve been a ‘Mrs.’ for twenty years.” 'Tis on the street that dudes do reiun, Sublime with waxed moustache, amPceien, They’ve lots <rt gall, but little breign. And try to mash with might and' maign. At Sarah, Lillie and at Jeign They stare in hopes that they will" geign Some smitten heart, and tints obtaign One more to add to list ot sleign; But when, to father, girls compleign, He goes for dude with words profeigu And reigns in blows which causes peign, And doth the .masher's art restreign.

How Condensed Milk is Made.

We publish the article beneath from the Scientific Farmer. The condensing of niilfejis no doubt an industry of great interest to the dairyman and farmer, as well as to the consumer. By it milk—which is a perishable article—can be preserved for lengthened periods, retaining its freshness, and the cost of transport is reduced to a ihinimum: “When the milk'is brought into the factory it is carefully strained, placed in cans or pails, which are put into a tank of water kept hot by steam coils. When hot, it is transferred to larger, steam-heated, open vessels, and quickly brought to a noil. This preliminary heating and boiling has for its object the expulsion of the gases of milk, which would cause it to foam in the vacuum-pan, and also to add to the keeping quality of milk by destroying the mold germs. A second straining follows, after which the milk is transferred to a vacuum-pan, where, at a temperature below 160 degrees Fahr., it bojls and is rapidly concentrated to any degree desired. The vacuum-pan employed is a close vessel of copper, -six =- It is heated by steam coils within, and by a steam jacket without, enclosing the lower portion. In one side of the dome is a small window through w’hich the gas illuminates the interior, while on the opposite side is an eye-glass, through which the condition of the contents is observed. The pan is also provided with a vacuum gauge and test sticks. “Much of the milk used in cities is simply concentrated, without any addition of sugar. The process of concentration is continued in the vacuumpan until one gallon of ther.piilk has been reduced to a little le’&s than a quart —one volume of condensed milk corresponding to about four and threetenths volumes of milk. Condensed milk intended to be preserved length of time has an addition of pure cane sugar made,to it during the boiling, and is usually put up in sealed cans. This sugared or preserved milk, when properly prepared, will keep for many years.”

New England Ahead.

Connecticut again in 1882 led the United States in getting patents. During the year there were 17.861 patents granted at the office in Washington, and of those Connecticut people secured 794. The ratio is one to every 782 of our population. Next comes Rhode Island, one to eaeh 980, and Massachusetts, one to each 982 of in-habitants.*-H«rt/ord Courant. A mule owned by a captain on the Erie canal, was bought for S9O in 1858, at 3 years old. He has worked steadily I since then, on the canal, and has never been sick or disabled in any way: He has traveled on an average of 5,000 miles per annum, or 125,000 miles in all. . , Love is composed of so many sensations that something new of it can always be said.— Saint Prosper.