Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 November 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

[From the Fort Wayne Hoosier. 7 The favorite song of the base-ballist while trying to tally—“ There’s no place like home.” i A man who is a fodl and knows it sometimes knows more than many a man who thinks he is wise. > “A rich man hath many crosses,” says an old proverb. ThiA is only another way of stating that he has many an X. In China parents feel it their duty to make matches for their children before they are really old enough to be trusted with matches? We are in favor of dealing with the Indians On the peace plan. That is, cut them to pieces first and then argue with them afterwards. Appearances are. often deceitful. Many a man who cannot say the alphabet backwards still may know enough to go in when it rains. “Witness, did you say that after the quarrel you have just related, the defendant went off in a huff?” “No, your Honor, I said he went off in a wagon.” The literary ingenuity of the patentmedicine fiend has- made it both p opular and safe to read newspaper articles as many people read novels —the last end first. A Bluffton man went to Chicago, stayed over night at a hotel and- blew out the gas. As he didn’t die it can still be said that “the fools are not all dead yet.” “Residuum? What an odd name for a horse! What on earth made you call him that?” said Duflix to Fink. “Because I got left on him,” said Fink, laconically, as he walked away. [From Peck’s Sun.l A petrifihd oyster has been' found by a Charleston (S. C.) man. He expects to make a fortune by renting it out for church-sociable stews. A fashion paper says “kittens’ heads are to take the place of birds’ heads on the coming bonnet.” The first thing we know some woman will be carried to the hospital with a fractured skull. Some absent-minded husband will sling a boot-jack at the kitten’s head. A German accosted a broad-brimed specimen from Texas, on Wisconsin street. “Who vos you, I don’t know?” Looking the inquisitive German in the face he., replied, “I am a cow-boy.” “Dot’s good,” replied our German friend, “Shake; I vos a bully boy doo?” They shook. ~~ A Montana cabin on the Northern Pacific railroad hung out the following sign written with charcoal: “Only nine miles to water and twenty miles from wood. No grub in the house. God bless our horiie.” A man in such a predicament must have more than ordinary faith to hold out long. A North Carolina woman recently dislocated her jaw by yelling at a campmeeting. It would be better for the managers of a camp meeting to put in a seam boiler, and fog horn, where so much noise is needed, and not dislocate a woman’s jaw by over-working it. To be sure, a woman's jaw is calculated to stand a good deal of wear and tear, but there are times when the requirements exceed the capacity. [From the Norristown Herald.] An exchange says “there are two moons this month,” but it is safe to wager that the man weo sees two moons is not a member of a temperance society. A scientist says that in the moon a hickory nut falling from a bough would crash through a man like aminnie ball. That settles it. We shall never go to the moon to gather hickory nuts. A young man while out riding one Sunday was thrown from his carriage and had oneof his legs broken. Thepunishment was visited upon him for breaking the Sabbath. He should have gone out and played base ball. Major Daniel Simpson, “the veteran drummer of Boston,” celebrated his 93d birthday a few day ago. It is supposed that fie always went a few miles out in the country when he wished to beat his drum. His great longevity is evidence that he never played on the aggravating thing withing hearing of his neighbors. A prying sort of an individual has discovered that the oyster has a trunk. ’Sneh aTeceptable may be necessary, "• from the fact that the oyster spends the summer by the seashore; but if the bivalve wants to put on as many airs as the fashionable young lady at the seaside, It must also have a big band-box and a little pug dog. \