Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 November 1883 — Unsolved Mysteries. [ARTICLE]

Unsolved Mysteries.

But there are some unsolved mysteries in the great problem of life that give me cause for reflection and anxiety. If I were rich I believe I would build me, a lonely cell somewhere in Clifton or some place like that, worth about $1)0,000, with a store-room like a wholesale grocery, where I might have plenty of help in. studying intricate problems in our daily economy, or extravagance, as the case may be. For often and often I wonder and wonder : Why you always put teaspoons into the vase upside down? —Why the pantaloons of a godless atheist who never said a prayer in his life bags at the knees just as quickly and decidedly as the breeks oLthe saint who spends half his days on his knees ? Why it is so wrong to eat pie with a knife ? What Washington said to General Lee at the battle of Monmouth ? Why so many Generals in the army have been privates ever since the war? How the directory of a railroad«company can get rich, while the stockholders gradually starve to death? How a receiver prospers and grows fat on a business that ruined the merchant? ‘ Why a man who “has gone out of politics” never misses a convention, and always keeps ‘"in the hands (and also the pockets) of his friends?” What the State would do for penitentiaries if all the rascals should suddenly step up and confess? Why a woman falls like a flash not two inches from the banana skin she steps on, while a man falls like a cyclone half way round the block, howling like ja, demon at every plunge, and at last climaxes with a crash under a peanut stand on the other side of the street ?

I Why “pure bear’s oil” is always cheaper when pork is away down, and booms np like a baloon in the cholera years ? Why, when spring chickens are so small you have to eat them, by the dozen to taste one. the price is so high you have to buy them by the chicken? Wliy a man frequently tries to make himself necessary when he would serve humanity much better by making himself scarce ? Why it is so much easier to lose half a dozen bets than it is to win one ? Why Tom Thumb was always billed as “23 years old” until the day he died, when he made a jump of more than his lifetime ? Why some people “remember the Sabbath day” as though it was only a parlor-car porter, and give it a quarter in full of all demands? Whatever became of the “blue-glass” remedy ? And what went with all the archery clubs ? I don’t believe in philosophy wasting its time on trifles. If the wise men want something useful and practicle to ponder over, here are their problems. It. J. Burdette.