Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 November 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

No one ever heard corn-stalk. Still at the head—hair brushes. Always going to seed—-Canaries. The old ticket—A restaurant check. Somebody has said that mean men are the best at guessing conundrums. This comes from the fact that they hate to give anything up.—New York News. The time of young ladies is divided into two parts. Half of the time they wait for the mails, and the other half for the males.— Burlington Free Press. “The celluloid,” observed Jenkins meditatively, after he had passed the greater part of two days in trying to get one collar clean, “might better be called a sell’unalloyed.”— The Judge. Summer boarders that have been assigned to the top floor of old-fashooned farm-houses for a term of weeks unite in the opinion that such buildings are erected on the principal of hide-roast attics. Why is a thief that is brought into the police court for stealing some books,' like the Recording Clerk who makes an entry of-the same? One steals the books and the other books the steal.— Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. ron soup. “I’m now in the height of the season,* Said the elevator man; And when asked to give his reason, The inquirer he did scan, As he sighed, Like a monk In a cloister, And replied : “Because I’m a ‘hoister.’ ” —New York Journal, A country lad thinks that a city girl wears a red dress out in the field where the cows are grazing just to give her an excuse fbr climbing a tree when she imagines the cows are going to chase her. These city misses are sometimes so giddy when they get out in the rural districts. — The Dairy. “Did you have any deviled ham at the banquet last night?” inquired a member of a certain secret society in Austin. “I don’t remember having seen any deviled ham,” replied the secret society man, “but I believe the champagne was deviled by the way my head feels this morning.”— Texas Siftings. “Your mother-in-law appears to have a pain in the side?” “Not at all. She has the toothache.” “But every now and then I see her put her hand on her side, as though she felt a pain there.” ‘‘That is because she has. put her teeth in her pocket.” —Pittsburgh Sunday Telegraph, In a certain Arkansas danCe-house and saloon there is a reversible motto hanging against the wall. At the opening of the festivities the motto reads, “God Bless Our Home.” But as the evening wanes, and knives and pistols flourish in the air, the proprietor flops the motto over, and it reads, “What Will the Harvest Bel”—Texas Siftings. ANTI-JASPERS. pat nigger Jasper am a fool To’ny de earth do move, — , ’Case I, myself, done ’sperience A fac’ dat I ken prove. I went up town one evenin’ To see a friend o’ mine. An’ cornin’ home he ’sposed to me To tick a glass o’ wine. Dat night de worl’ was rollin’ so, Like apples in a trough, I sot right down and hoi'.myself, To keep from glidin' off. -«=ZndenendenL “I wish our minister wouldn’t preach go awfully long,” said- his wife. “I am glad he preaches as long as he does,” said he. “Now, there you are contrary again. You just say that through spite, because you know that keeps me quiet that much longer.” “No I don’t, pither. I say it because it gives me the only chance to sleep on the Sabbath without being disturbed by your .continual talking.” “Well, now, you just wait until next Sabbath. I’ll not let the children sit between us; and if I can’t talk any I can hunch. I’ll pay you for talking that way about me, when you know I scarcely ever talk any.” Kentucky State journal.