Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 November 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

'The mania for adulteration is so great that you can’t buy a pound of sand and be sure that it is not half sugar. “Did the child die under suspicions circumstances ?” asked the coroner of a witness. “No, sir, it did not. It died under the back porch. A little singular that passengers are not permitted to converse with the man at the wheel, notwithstanding he is a spokesman of the ship.— Boston Transcript. “I have a bright prospect before me,” | said the loafer. .“You always will have,” remarked Fogg; “I don’t think you will ever catch up to it.”— Boston Transcript. A young blood, afflicted with a horrible stutter, enters an English pharmacy. “I wa-wa-want,” says he, “some p-p-p-pills of ip-ip-ip-ip—” “Hurrah !” cries the impatient clerk, and the blood flies. “I declare I” exclaimed Mrs. Tidnice “I never saw a girl like our Sarah Jane. I worked almost two hull days on her new bathin dress, and don’t you think, she got it wringin’ wet the fust time she put it on!” Elderly philanthropist; to small boy, who is vainly striving to pull a doorbell—above- his—reach: — “Let me help you, my little man.” (Pulls the bell.) Small boy—“ Now you had better run, or we’ll both get a licking !” John Quincy Adams made it a rule to be on time to a minute, and in this way he lost hundreds of valuable hours waiting for other people. A man who has been waited for is always more welcome.— Detroit Free Press. An exchange sighs for the good old says when they “blew a horn for dinner.” The exchange earn have all that diet it wants, but for us- a little iced tea, chicken and vegetables fit the complexion better.— -Carl Pretzel's Weekly. There are some girls so awfully nicethat they will not dance with a fellow in a ball-room if his hair sticks up on the back of his head. The same girl may be seen at the age of 31 looking in seven different directions for a husband. Father to his from-the-university-back-returning-son—“Well, thou hast, of course, no debts?” Son-—“ Three thousand marks." Father—“ What! 3,000 marks?” Son—“ Well, art thounet proud that thy son so great a credit bath?" - Translated from the Omnibus. “I don’t want no rubbish, no fine sentiments, if you please,” said the widow who was asked what kind of an epitaph she desired for her late husband’s tombstone. “Let.it be simple. Something like this: ‘William Johnson, aged 75 years. The good die young.’” “Alligators,” writes Dr. Henshall to the Forest and Stream, “may be partially tamed.” This statement cannot induce us to attempt the domestications of alligators, however. It is the part that cannot be tamed that would likely to chew you up sometime when you’renot looking. “By Jove!” exclaimed Adolphus, stroking the capilliary suggestions on his superior lip, “the fellows say that a mustache hides the expression of a fellow’s face, and they’re all going toshave before taking part in our theatricals.” “How fortunate!” was the sympathetic reply of Julia, “you won’t have to shave, will you?”

BIRTH-MARKS. Born in Boston, Too-much brains; Born in New York, — =- All for gains; Born In Hartford, All for races; Born in St. Louis, Famed for heat; Born in Chicago, The world to beat; Go to the bad, sure Born in Indianapolis, ■ ' ~— Past water-cure; Born in Richmond, Handsome, you bet; Born in Whitehall, Handsomer yet; Born in New Orleans, Never backs out; Born in Cincinnati, Often flooded out; Born in Philadelphia, Proud of one’s birth; Born in Yonkers, Owns all the earth; Born in Fall River, Bound to advance; Born in Memphis, glance; Born in Peoria, Rich as a Jew; —---—-—<- Born in Buffalo, Will beat one’s way-through; Born in Detroit. Is A Number One, Born In Providence, . Loves a good pun; Born in the land of the sunny clime, Will ne’er lack “taffy” at any time. —Chicago Telegram.