Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 October 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Nothing in it—a dude’s head. Even the best clock stores keep the second-hand timepieces. “No more reflections, please,” said, the looking-glass, after it tumbled down stairs. Toots wants to know why tho saloons don’t issue thousand-smile tickets. Is the man who delivers a declamation through the telephone a hellocutionist ? Why is death like the tag attached to a dog at the canine show ? Because they are both bound to a cur. When Carlyle said that everybody -Should have an aim in life he had no reference to the fair sex. He liad doubtless often seen a woman trying to throw a stone at a hen, “Dead broke, eh ?”, queried a Boston man of a seedy-looking individual, whom lie saw passing into a shop adorned with three golden balls. “No,” was the curt reply, “pawn-broke.” The editor of the Waco (Texas) 1 .Sentinel, having been blown up by the explosion of a saw-mill boiler, we suppose it will now be in order to allude to him as “our highly-steamed contemporary.” —Life. One of the most sanguinary puns of the season was perpetrated by the Boston Bulletin, as follows: “A blooded horse is of course a good gore.*' After such an effort as this life appears much brighter.— New York Advertiser. Railroads have ironed the country. So have laundry proprietors. Each have done considerable mangling, but as this is talking iron ically we will desist, as each have a polished way about them.—CarZ Pretzel’s Weekly. The Philadelphians are worrying over the fact that the coal supply will run short in less than 1,000 years. They need not borrow trouble on that score. The Philadelphian will be where he will need no coal in less than a 1,000 years.— Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. The President of an Insurance Company addressed the following note to one of his policy-holders: “It has come to our knowledge that you have written several spring poems with the intention of offering them for sale to the public p ess.” I write this to say if you persist in your purpose it will work a forfeiture of your policy. You only pay the oixlina-ry rates, and we always classify spring poets as ‘extra hazardous.’ ” A Trojan 2i.tye&-old was sitting on his mamma’s lap after having undergone the. preliminaries to retiring for the, night. His countenance assumed a deeply thoughtful expression. Suddenly, having apparently reached the solution of the puzzle exercising his brain, he looked up into his parent’s face and sagely asked: “Mamma, wasn’t I good not to be a girl?” Having received maternal approval of his forethought, he quietly and contentedly dropped asleep. POKING FUN AT POKES. See the women with the pokes— Horr.d j ikes— What a world of merriment their ugliness provokes! How they wobble, wobble, wobble. In the balmy air of June, While the French-heeled beauties hobble. And the envious turkeys Robbie In a hoarse, derisive tune. Keeping time, time, time, In a sort of jerky rhyme. To the hop and bobbing motion that the mincing ' gait invokes From the pokes, pokes, pokes, pokes, Pokes, pokes, pokes. From the bobbing and the wobbling of the pokes. —Burlington Free Press. “John,” said a farmer to an old negro, “if you don’t return that plow you stole froni me I’ll have you arrested and sent to jail. ” “Boss, yer must be outer yer head.” “No, I’m not. You thought that you were very sharp, but I have caught up with you. Bring that plow home.” “Boss, I insists dat yer must ..be wrong in yer mine.” “All right—■ have it your own way, but I’ll take immediate action, for I know very well that you stole my plow.” , “Didn’t do it. Now, what sorter plow did I steal, sah?” . “A plow with a blue stock.” “Will yer swear to it, sah?” “Yes, I will. ” “Well, de plow what I stole from yer is got a yaller stock. Jes’ go on an’ hab me ’rested fur stealin’, an’ I’ll hab yei-sef'rested fur swarin’ ter a lie, Talk ter me ’bout de hones’ness ob a vfLite mau.”—AYkansate Traveler.