Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 October 1883 — Topnoody Squelched. [ARTICLE]

Topnoody Squelched.

“My dear,” said Mr. Topnoody to his wife, “do you want to go to the boat race at 3 o’clock ?” “No, I don’t. I’ve been working in the kitchen all morning and Um tired, and, besides, you know as well as I de that I don’t like athletics in any shape.” “Of course, my dear, you don’t; but your tongue is so athletic I didn’t know 1 but that yon might want to give it a chance to —” “Shut up, Topnoody. I won’t stand it.” “Sit down, love.” “I’ll do as I please.” “Will vou go to the boat race, dear?” - “No, I tell you.” “Why not, my dear?” . “Topnoody, I 'despise puns, and yon are a pun, but I’ll use one to tell you why I won’t go. When you were a beau of mine years ago I liked yon because I didn’t see you very often, but now, when there is barely a trace of youi former, self, and I have to have you around always— to take in a beau trace every day, so to speak, it makes me want to break somebody’s skull, and—” Topnoody fell off his chair in a faint. —Merchant-Traveler.