Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 October 1883 — A Heart Like a Baby. [ARTICLE]

A Heart Like a Baby.

“Dot vhas der troubles mit .ine—l vhas too tender-hearted,” replied Carl Diinder as a policeman warned him that he would have a case against him for having his saloon open after hours. “You see,” he continued as he wiped off his bar, “if I vhas all closedbop, mit my boots off nnd ready for bed, somepody goes rap! rap! on der door. I think it vhas against der law, but like enpugh it vhas my brudder Henry, who lifs in Buffalo, und so I opens der door. Who you think it vhas? “I can’t guess.” “It vhas a bpleecemans! He looks allaroundt, vhalksin softly like cats, und says that he vhas in such awful pains dot he must have some whisky or die. I can’t help dot I vhas porn mit a heart like a baby. I don’t like to see dot man die, und I gif him some whisky und he tells me he vhill pay oop vheq he cuts der coupons off his bonds. You see how it vhas?” “Yes.” “Vhell, der next time I vhas all glosed oop somepody goes uap! rap! on der door. I tinks it vhas my wife’s sister, -who lives in Mt. Glemmens, und I vhas a brute if I doan’ let her come in. Vhen I opens der door who vhas it ?” “I don’t know.” “It vhas an aidermans! He shlips softly in urid drops on a shair, und says to me: ‘Carl, I vhas played oudt. I make more ash ten speeches in der Gouncil to-night, und I vhas all exhausted till I can’t shtand oop. For der sake ov my innocent children gif me some peer!’ Vhell, dot vhas me mit my tender heart again, und I draw him a quart of peer und he drink him oop und tells me to put in the annual estimate next spring. Could you plame me for dot?” “No, but you must obey the law.” “Oxactly, but some odder time I hear a rap! rap! on der door, und I tinks it vhas my poy Shon, w'ho vhas oudt on a i farm mit his uncle. Shon vhas a good i poy, und I like to see him, und I opens der door. Who you tinks dot vhas ?” “John!” “Not some previous. It vhas a barty mit a big Klug hat on, und he carries a big cane, und he looks solemn. He vhants whisky straight, und vhen I tells him dot der law catch me oop, he pounds on der table mit his Cane und calls oudt, ‘Hang der law! Vhy, I was der man who makes all der laws in Detroit!”Vhell, dot makes my heart ; tender again, und he’drinks his whisky ! up and tells me dot I shall send my bill : to der Transportation Company. Can I help dot?” “You’ll have to help it.” “Vhell, one more time I turn eaferypody oudt and lock oop der doors, und shlip into bedt. I vhas dreaming like thudder vhen somepody rattles on my door und calls me to get oop. Maype it vhas my frendt, Capt. Gross, who runs avhay from his vise in Buffalo. If so, I likes to see him. I open der door and.who you tihk it vhas!” “Your grandfather.” “Not quide, my frendt. It vhas a man mit a silk hat und a gold-headed cane und a pig stomach, und he says he vhas a doctor who must has some whisky to keep off der shmall-pox. Dot appeals to my heart, und vhat can I do ? I tell you. I like to obey der law und shut oop my place, but if you come some- i dimes und find der back door open und . some men at der tables, you shust re . members not it vhas glub-night, und dot ve drink some buttermilk, und discuss old dimes in Shermany.”— De'roit Free Press,