Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 October 1883 — THE BAD BOY. [ARTICLE]

THE BAD BOY.

I . ■■■. '..j ' . . “Well, I see yon have got another black eye,” said the grocery man to the bad boy, as he came in with a kerosene can, and sat down by a peach basket while the groceryman drew the kerosene. “How did you get it? Have a fight, or did your pa knock yon down with a chair!’” “Got it trying to be an angel,” said the boy, as he fumbled around the mosquito bar over the basket of peaches, to see if there wasn’t a place where a peach might fall out. “You know tliat blind woman that grinds the hand-organ down on the corner. Well, a person would think that a poor, blind woman, who. has to support herself aud five children grinding out the awfulest music ever was, woidd be the last person in the world to have tricks . played on her, but this morning I found a couple of dudes dropping lozenges in the cigar-box that is on the organ for pennies. The first time they dropped in one the old lady smiled and took it out and eat it, and I wasn’t very mad, ’cause I thought the dudes would surprise her by dropping in a $5 gold piece for a nickel, and make her feel good. But the next time they dropped in a cay-enne-pepper lozenger, and they got behind a peanut stand to see how it worked. She bit it, and then she opened her mouth and bio wed .cold wind on her parched tongue, and I almost laffed at first, she made such a face, but when I see the tears begin to pour out of her poor old blind eyes, and roll down her withered cheeks, and she took the comer of her .apron and wiped the tears away, as she stopped right in the middle of “Annie Daurie” and the organ drew a long breath, and when I looked at those two dudes laffing at her, I got crazy. Somehow I felt as though the poor old woman was my ma, and before I knew it, I jumped right in amongst those dudes, and knocked one of them through the peanut stand on the hot chestnut roaster, and I kicked the other where it hurt, and he ran, and the other one said, “What you got to do about the old woman, don’t yon know— ’ and I said she wah a friend of mine, ’cause she was blind, and then the Italian hit me in the eye with a hard peach, and a policeman came along and the dude j told him I was a terrier, and the policeI man jerked my coat-collar off, but | when I told him what it was all about, he gave me back my coat-collar and chased the dude, and the old woman thanked me with her trembling lips, that were smarting from the lozenger, and I went home to

get my collar sewed on, and pa was going to take it out pf my bide. I guess if I hadn’t told him about the blind wouaan, he would have been kicking me yet. Sometimes I think it don’t pay to be too darned good. For instance, now in this row, all the friend I have got is this blind woman, and she will not know me when she sees me. The two dudes and tlie Italian will lay for me, and the policeman, will, very likely, be told by the dude that it was me who fired the lozenger in there, and I have got to wear tLis black eye for two weeks, just for having a heart in me. Do you think it pays to be good, or didn’t you ever try it ?” “You bet it pays, ’ said the grocery man, as he stuck the nozzle of the kerosene can into a potato,,, and ripped off the mosquito-bar aud told the boy to help himself to peaches. “You have got a friend in me, and you can call on me for a certificate of character at any time. A boy that protects the poor and unfortunate is a thoroughbred, if he does get a black eye occasionally. But I don’t see how it is that the minister is down on you so. He was in here this morning to get trusted for a number three mackerel, and he said he would walk around a block any time rather than meet yon, because you asked so many questions that he couldn’t answer. What have you been asking him lately?” “Oh, I only wanted to get a little light on yachting. He is paid a salary to enlighten his congregation, and he always wants ns to ask questions, but lately he has turned me away with a soft answer. I asked him if he didn’t think Mount Ararat would have been a boss place to hunt, just after Capt. Noah had turned all the game loose, and the water was high so you could sneak right up on to the elephants, and tigers, and chipmunYs,-aml" rels, and the minister, who had been telling pa what a boss time he had last winter hunting deer up in Michigah, got offended and told pa he had better dismiss me with a boot. I don’t know as it would be any more harm to hunt deer on Mount Ararat along about 2,349 years B. C., than it would now, though they might have had a game law that would protect the game, on account of there being only a limited supply. But I suppose the game would have been very poor, cause it had been shut up in the ark a long time without any food, and the Captain of the ark full of bug juice.” “Hold on now, boy, don’t be bearing false witness against thy neighbor,” said the grocery man, horrified at the remarks of the boy. “There is no record that Noah had anything to drink on the ark. Give Koah hi.3_dae, whatever you do.” “Well, maybe you are right, but as I Understand it lie had a terrible appetite for intoxicating fluid on shore, and one would suppose if he didn’t have a bar on the yacht he would have strapped a couple of jugs on the mules when they went aboard, and he must liave known it was going to be a long and tedious cruise, and very lonesome, and if he had anything stimulating on board he took a nip occasionally. And yon couldn’t blame him. Everybody’s appetite is better when sailing, and Noah had to run the boat night and day, and ft wouldn’t be strange if he spliced the main brace. By Jingo, I should think that Noah would have got sick of a menagerie, and been mighty glad when lie struck the top of the monntain and turned them loose, and when the water | went down, and the animals went slid- i ihg down .hill, falljpg over each other to find a good place to nibble grass, it must have been a picnic to Noah, But what do you suppose the lions found to cat? They live on meat, and as there were only two animals of a kind, they had to waft until some more small

animals could bo, raised before they could eat, ’cause if they eat any animal, that settled it, and there wouldn’t never be any of those animals on earth. Say, don’t you think those lions had pretty good control over their appetites not to make mince meat of the otheT animals ? How do you account for the fact that all those animals lived without anything to eat ?” “Oh, I don’t know. You make me tired. I don’t wonder the minister can’t get along with you. Mayl>eNoah took along fresh meat enough to last the lions a year, and baled hay for the elephants and giraffes and cattle. Fix it any way you want to. Darned if I know: anything about it,” said the grocer}' man as he took a piece of sandpaper and began rubbing the rust off the cheese knife. .“That’s thei wav with all of you,” said the boy, as he took the kerosene can and started for the door. “I think that flood was only a spring freshet, and that the world couldn’t have been drowned. How did they know that America was overflowed when America was not discovered till 1492, 4,000 years afterward? lam going home and ask the hired girl about it. She is a Catholic, but she knows more about history than all of you, and she don’t get mad when I ask her questions. By gosh! I would have liked to take a breecliloading shotgun and paddled along in a skiff np to Mount Ararat, just after Noah had run out the gang-plank and let the animals off. I could have got elephants and behemoths and rhinoceroses enopgliior a mess, I bet you,” and the boy went out with his kerosene and a mind well stored with knowledge as well as a pistol-pocket well stored with peaches.— Perk's Sun. •