Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 October 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Calling the roll—Yelling “ Hot burn?.” A thunder storm is. a high-toned aflair. \ A batchelob compares a shirt-but-ton to life, because it too often hangs by a thread. ■ " ■ ! “No,” laid a Philadelphia—phiianthrbpist, “I care iaothing about the' swindle; I only sued the man as an act pf charity. There are 65,000 lawyers |n the United States, and not work , enough for half of them- — Philadelphia i News. . , Ouk esteemed local contemporary, the Times, had an editorial yesterday morning headedr “What Can We Have to Drink?” When you are drinking , with us, brother, you can have just what you call for, if the apothecary has it in stock.— Lowell Citizen. A bridegboom’s caution: The Rev. Samuel Earnshaw, of Sheffield, says that he was once marrying a couple j when he said to the man: “Say after me, ‘With my body I thee worship.’ ” The man innocently asked: “Must I kneel down to her” ?— London Echo. “Do you always kiss him and say ‘good-bye,’ every morning, as he leaves the house ?” asked a lady of a wife who had just parted from her husband at the street door. “Yes, every morning; I may never again see him alive, and if that should be the case, I wish to retain remembrance of a pleasant parting,” the wife replied. “Well,” remarked a woman in a New England village, talking to her summer boarders about a neighbor, “she’s the greatest natural liar I ever saw, and I’ve often thought if she’d only had a first-class education in her youth what an author she’d a-made before us.—Boston Transcript. In a crowds" Who’s that man?” “Oh, it is one of the most prominent IrishAmericans.” “Who is that other man ?” “He is a distinguished German-Ameri-can.” “And that one?” “A well;knoWn French-American." “And that one over there with a bundle under,, his arm ?” “Oh, he is nobody—npthing but an American-American. Lawyer—“Do you not consider Mr. Biggs, my client, a man of truth and veracity?” Witness hesitated. LawWell, I put my question in another form. Do you think he has a mind which can not distinguish truth from falsehood?” Witness (eagerly)“Oh, no, sir. I’m sure he can.” Lawyer —“Your Sure of it—and why are you sure of it?” Witness—“l know he can distinguish between the two. It isn’t possible that he would always happen to lie. If he didn’t, know the difference, he would tell the truth by mistake once !in a while.” Lawyer.—“ That’ll do, sir; j you may stand down.'” “Now, Johnny you’ve been in the hot | pun again.”. “No, I haven’t, either.” “Why, I saw you right in the hot sun.” ! “No, vou didn’t see me in no hot sun.” I “Do sou think I’d lie ?” “I don’t know j what you’d call it, but you didn’t see mein the sun.” “Why, Johnny, will you presist in contradicting me ? I- saw you sitting on the curbstone, right in the broiling hot sun. Poor child! Mgybe the sun has affected your mind! Now, wasn’t you in the sun?” Maybe it’s done that with your mind, fur how could I git in the sun? Do you know how far the sun is from here?” Then his mother slipped off’ one of her slippers, and Johnny slipped out of the side door.— Kentucky Journal. VET ANOTHER. Only a pair of breeches, —— i ——— • Only a ragged cm!. Only some little trinkets, Only a home-made boat. 'y: Only a mangled baSC-bart Placed in a drawer with care, Only beside it some marbles; A pocket-knife, too, was there,. Only an empty trundle-bed, Only a young voice cone, Only a mother’s bitter tears, Only a heart forlorn. ... Only a slender figure Laid away in.the family lot, Only a little toy pistol That busted when it was shot. —K. 0. Picayune l ' WH£RE THE WASP FAILED. A wasp went madly to his work, And various things did tackle, He stung a boy, and then a dog, • And made a rooster cackle. He settled on a drummer's cheek And labored with a will; He prodded there for half an hour. And then he broke his drill. I Toledo Blade.