Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 October 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

High in rank —Old butter. A corner in pork—A pig’s ear. What letter in the alphabet is the' best initial for oucumber? Double you. | * • ; ! A hog may be considered a good mathematician when it comes to square root. “Can yon tell me the cause of aboil?” Certainly; a fire under a kettle of water. | “Dear lady, please help an unfortunate man. I ain’t had no work at my trade since last winter.” “Poor man! What is your trade?" “Shovelin” enow, mum.” -j “Mamma,” said Harry, “what’s thedifference between goose and geese?” “Why, don’t you know?” said 4-year-old Annie: “one geese is goose, and & whole lot of gooses is geese.” From the Burlington Free Press: “Who is that Thin, Sad Man—is he an. Editor?” “Oh, no, my son, the Editor is Fat and Strong. The Man yon see was married when he was 19 years old. ” Some little girls are peculiar. There is one who wont play “Come to tea” with her playmates, because she don’t like to talk about her neighbors.— Carl ! Pretzel's Weekly. j Ax Irish soldier, on hearing that his | widowed . mother had been married ] since he quitted Ireland, exclaimed: | “ Murther! I hope she wont have a son j older than me; if she does I shall lose | the estate. ’’ j It took two doctors to put back in ! place the lower jaw of a Newport, Ky,, woman who had thrown it out of place while trying to tell a neighboring woman across the fence two. new scandals at tlie same time. “No, George, I can never return your love; I never dreamed yon loved me so—you should have spoken of it before. But I cannot return your love.” “No,” moaned the broken - hearted lover, as he grasped his hat, “nor the oysters and ice-cream neither,” and George went out into the wet.—Rochester Post-Express. A very good hit was made at an election in Scotland by one of the defeated candidates. A gentleman approached him with, “Well, Mr. ——, how do you feel?” “Well,” said he, “I feel, I suppose, pretty much as Lazarus did.” “As Lazarus did?” said the first speaker; “how is that? “Why,” said he, “Lazarus was licked by dogs, and so was I. ” As in India one day an Englishman sat With a smart native lass at the window, “Do your widows burn themselves? Pray tell me that!” Said die i.retty, inquisitive Hindoo, “Do they burn? That they do!" the gentleman said, “With a flame not so easy to smother; Our widows, the moment one husband is dead Immediately burn—lor another." . A young dude of the slioe-string kind attempted to pilfer a lock of hair from the rcd-liead of a Washington street girl. She foiled him in his efforts by having her hair bleached. That of course t clianged the combination and as he was not familiar with it, he took the hint, and ceased tampering xvith the lock .—Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. darwin’s missing link. If Darwin was correct, 4s many now suspect, An i his tneiry is plausible we think, And If we're not. mistaken After due consideration, We have positively seen the missing link. Tins scientific seeker Could now exclaim Enreka, “ - Though the object did his search so long i lude. L He would feel a thrill ot pleasure. a joy beyond all measure, Could he gaze upon the gay and festive dude. —Son York .Journal. “How can I leave .you, my darling?” murmured a Toledo lover in tones of distressing tenderness, as he observed both hands of the clock approaching a perpendicular on the dial. “Well, John,” responded the girl with wicked innocence, “you can take your choice. If you go through the hall you will be liable to wake up father, and if you leave by way of the back • lied you’ll be likely to wake up the dog.”