Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 September 1883 — NASBY. [ARTICLE]

NASBY.

Mr. Nasby Has a Dream in ’Which the ' Troubles that Attend a Reorganization of the’ Democracy Appear Most Vividly. ~~ [From the Toledo Blade.] Eonfederit X Roads | (wich is in the State uv Kentucky), > Sept. 1,188!. ) Others besides the profits, and them in Holy Writ, heV dreems; and, es dreems wuz profetik in the daze uv old, why not know? Troo, they wuz inspired, and ther dreems wuz inflooenced from the hed, while mine come mostly from the stumick, wich is fittin. Ther ain’t no espeshl head in the avrige Dimocrat to inflooeuee, while all uv em hev stumick. A angel hoverin around wuz the coz uv in the profettik days uv yore, while mine is sooperindoost mostly by cold pork or bolonysassige. That’s the difference atween the dreem uv a-profit and the dreem uv a Dimekrat I dreemed last nite. I bed bin partakin uv a free lunch wich Bascom sot in, honor uv his 25th anniversary, and, ez Deekin Pogram hed jist sold a mule for cash, he wuz libral iu settin uv em up, and the result wuz I rolled under the table and slept all nite, Bascom crooelly lockin up the bir so that.ef I shood awake I cooden’t do him any damage by takin drinks and forgettin to mark em dowu. Foolish man! Ez tho I wooden’t mark ’em down! Ez I never eggspest to pay. anyhow, why shooden’t I mark ’em down? But I slept and I dreemed. I dreemed that we lied looked ever the hull feeld and desided that'by keerful and akoot management we cood elect a Dimekratic President in 1884. Somehow the management uv the entire biznis hed sort o’ drifted into my hands, and I wuz marshellin the forces and makin the disposishen of everything connected with the campaue. « “Now look-a-here,” I remarked to (’em, “ther seems to be a prejoodis agin the old-style Dimocr.sy. A record sich ez- we hev is a mity bad thing for a party wich is goin’ to site a battlexm the single ishoo uv Reform, and with the one single war-cry, ‘The rascals must go!’ In such a site them wich hez bin objeckshunable to the people at large must keep in thejbackground till after the site is won. Ez the ishoos is to be new, we' want the corpses to remain berried until jist after the battle, mother, when they' may res urect and come in for the spoils ez fast ez they hev a mind to. Only they must lay low till after the ides uv November, 1884.” That wuz agreed to ez beiu mity good . sense, and I perseded to arrange the line uv battle. 1 shoved tee old Dimoerisy into the background, all them with butternut clothm, and put in the front the noo recroots wich we hed won from the Republican party, and sicii cleen shirted Democrats ez bed come up sence, the War, and wich hedn’t ez yet entirely gradooated in our skool; and a very handsome line I made uv it. The next question wuz, Who shood we hev fur standardbarer ? I was castin about, lookin fur some Goliath uv Gath without a damagin record, and one with wind and limb euuff fur our purpose—some young man—too young to hev bm obnoxious doorin the late bnpleasantnis, and who hed bin out uv the kentry ever sence. I coodent find exactly the man, but finally decided on hevin Hancock to the front, notwithstandin his defeet four years ago. A bloo uniform takes well at the North, and the South, jedgin the man by his company, have no objeckshun to it They are shoor of a man which trams with Us, no matter wat color the yooniform he wears. And I grouped about him Ben Butler, who actilly did hang a man wunst, and Hoadly, uv Ohio, and a hundred or more very new Democrats, ez many more Republikins which lied gone off with Greeley and stayed, and others wich, becomin disgusted with the corrupshuns of Grant, who wooden’t give em places, hed sought the companionship of Tweed and Tilden. It wuz a very pretty show I made with em, and our front looked as innocent and gileless as noo milk. But misforchoou alluz follows Dimoerisy. Jist ez I hed em all arranged ole Sammy Tilden •cums rollin and staggerin to the front with his war record, his Tweed biznis, and_hih_ljterary buro, and all the rest uv it hangm to him—so loadid down, in fact, that he coodent waddle, much less run; ami he snatched the banner out uv my hand and, with a smile that wuz sweetnis itself, remarkt:

,“tJv course I must kerry this!” “ The blazes yon will! ” sed I. “Yo u?” “Certinly—*l must be vindicated. Es we don’t vindicate me, wat is 'the yoose uv a Dimer kratic victory? Es Dimekrats wich hev borne the hept and burden uv the day ain’t put to the front, why Dimocrisy ?” He passed down the line till he staggered to the center and bumped up agin Hancock, wich stool on a slippery place (all in our ranks stand on slippery places), wich knocked Hancock ors his pins‘ and he went on with his ozashun: “A Dimekratic victry without me to the fore wooden’t be a Dimekratic victry at all. It is doo me. I wuz defrauded out uv the Presidency. I bought the Presidency, and pade for it a good milyun uv dollars uv hard cash. But I didn’t git it. It is my turn now. I must be vindicated.* “Avant!” I shreeked. “We ain’t in the vindicatin biZnis. We don’t want vindicashens -we want postoffises. Wat do we keer for vindicashen® ? Git out* ” But it wuz uv no avail. With strength for wich I didn’t give him credit, he clutched the banner and held it, loaded ez he wuz. . .Ind immejitly ther wuz a movement from behind that wuz simply appalin. John Kelly, wich I hed liid in the rear P&nk, plunged to the front; all the old Copperheds and Secesh uv the old times cnm rushin up in plane site—-till remarkin that, es they wuzn’t to be r,n-, dicatid, why a site at all? and ajl,,uv ear clamuß that the ehetf tmduv the Dimtr crisy wuz to vindicate them. This one grabbed a ipostoflis, wich, he sed, wuz necessary to his vindieaabeu, another a-custom-house, another anominashen to

the Governorship uv his State; and so on all around. .It wuz ez perfeck a pandemonium ez ever I Bee. And, to make the matter wuz, the rush wuzn't confined to the livjjn. The ghosts uv ded DimikratS hovered over ’em, smiling, saying that, while they cooden t vote or be voted for, ther memories must be vindicated, and without sich vindieashefi ther wuz no Joose for a Dimpciisy at all. The gost uv Boss Tweed sailed in; and that uv Jesse D. Brite uv Injeany, wich ought to hev bin forgotten 15 yeers ago, wuz prominent; and in breef, es ther wuz a map livin espeshly obnoxious to the peopel, or the gost uv a man whose metnry wuz pertiklerly vmsavory, they wuz ail ther and very conspicuous. The efleck wuz suthin elcctrikle. TJie dissatisfied Republikins wicn hed drifted into our ranks becoz uv our civil-servis biznis and .differences ..on. the money question and the tariff and sich causes helchther noses a minit and then began a„stampede. “Ther ain’t no yoose,” sed they in korus. '* It’s the same cussid old party after all. Dimoerisy never learns nnytlmig and never forgets anything. ” They scurried away ez tho they believed Asiatic cholera hed struck the assemblage, and the quicker they got out the better for em, and the other class uv patriotic Repu.blikens "wiMi hed jined us moved off slowly, swa’rih that, onless they hed the controle uv the offises, they did I't see any reason for ther stayin in sich company—that they’d bedam es theywiiz goin to rooin therselves pullin chestnuts out uv the fire for other men. And they went, leavin us just the same old material, with no mofe chance uv wjnnin than (’apt. Webb bed uv swim min the rapids at Niagar a. Jist then I awoke. The sun wuz shinin thro the winders uv Bascom’s, and the aired gal the fiore, preparatory to the day’s biznis. I sot a moment and thawt. Ded men have long fingers. Long after they are under ground they reach and reach, with a more wicked grip than they hed in life. Vallandighain ded yet speaketh, and Boss Tweed’s memory is yet potent for evil to us. So long ez we llev to bear his substance. We can’t get rid uv Boss Tweed or Vallandigham till we hev showed that we hev abandoned the ideesuv Boss Tweed and Vallandigham. We hev inherited a record wich we hevn’t purged .ourselves, uv, becoz, no matter ez to our men, the moHsiesuond methods are precisely the same. Yoo may paint over the spots uv a lepnrd and cut off the tale uv a fox—-but the one will chaw up antelopes, and the other steel chickens. Dimderisy is Dimoerisy, no matter how it is disgised. Wuz this dreem profetic? I think so. lam sore and sad. If wat I dreem comes to pass, and it Jocks as tho it wood, that Nigger Lubbock—on whose hed cusses—w.ll hold my postoffis four yeers longer, and by that time I shel be postoffises are not, and wher it makes no difference to me who is President. Well, be it so. I am fastened onto Bascom and the Deekin for the present, and that is good enufi for one whose whole life hez bin a struggle for a very little bread and a great deal uv likker. ; Petroleum V. Nasby (Despondent.)