Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 September 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

/ fFrom Peck's Sun.l A Chicago business man whipped o neighbor who alluded to his son as a dude. The parent said his son had been called a thief and a defaulter and a drunkard, and the father did not sees like resenting it, because the boy was able totuke care of himself, but when he was called a dude hq felt as though, if it was true, the hoy needed an ablebodied man to take his it was: false, the man making the charge ought to be whipped anyway. “Boy,” said Uncle Abe, “you arts gwine. out inter de worl for yer sef, wid a fait edicatiou an’ a good stout par of bans. No doubt es yer mammy hed consulted yer wishes, ver’d been bohn a millionaire, but she didn’t do hit, soyer’l be bliged ter develope inter what am *termed a self-made man, an' es yoain't mighty earful yo’se gwine to make a poor job ob hit. Any time yer wantsadvice, ask it freely, but doan write fer money, fer I shall nebber get de letter. Remember yer mammy’s teaebin’s, an” above all things, drap, an’ keep outen evil s’eiety, an’ vou’l kim outen de topob de heap. Yo’ve got jess two minutes to catch dat train; let punctuality be your motto. linn,!” 'From Carl Pretzel’s Weekly.} “The lay of the last minstrel”— Beating his hotel bill. “That beats me,” said Mr. Hinjeck. as he joined his index finger to tlie family broom. Good, strong, salty, wet tears soothe and cleanse the heart, as does the dew when it falls upon the three-legged clover. It is not always the case that a man who stands high has a haughty bearing. The man on top of a ladder can better afford to be humble than the one at the foot. It is a mistake .to suppose that unexpected things .always happen. When you go up to the bar down a nickel for a beer, you don't expect toget a 10-cent whisky, and you are not disappointed. If there is a moment when we feel the throttle valve of our yearning for the ungraspable turn loose and the whirligig of our senses seems to take the eccentric motion that precedes the closing out of business, it is when a healthy, robust, June bug marches, with uncertain tread, between us and cur under-garments, and they upon us. (From Chicago Check.] The Parisians who suicide by drowning are almost always found to be in Seine. ' L .' The fellow who was tossed over the fence by a choleric bull knows what is meant by coming out “at the little end of the horn.” “Why don’t that engine start?” “On account of a defunct dog.” “How in thunder can a dog stop it?” “I don’t, know, only the engineer saidrit was on a dead seen ter. ” The office boy would wonder. When e’er he made. 1 a blunder. Why he should stand trom under. When he was getting thunder, Threat’ning connection to sunder -—“ With the man who gave the thunder. But soon he lound. As time came round. The cause of all his wonder; If he like lightning run, With speed his errand done, ... He seldom got the thunder. In an employment office: Young man appears in answer to an advertisement of “Salesman wanted.” “Did you. advertise for a salesman?” “Yes, what can you sell ?” “Almost anything, I guess.” “Well, you mayfdook over these circulars of the Hymeneal Marriage Aid Association. You can have a position tlieTe.” “But what shall I sell?” “Sell! Why, man, sell men, women, boys —anybody you can entice into the scheme. we have salesmen who sell as many as a dozen victims a day, and make money.” The applicant thought over it. Ale this rumpus over »the Germans ostracizing the American hog from their society, and the Euronean prejudice against our canned goo<R, brings up a train of thought that, like Banquo’s ghost, will not down until it is sprung on an unsuspecting public. If it is asked what nation, of people makes it a business to can edibles, it is meet to say the American. Now, if the Europeans like the goods iu the American can, and they are Imtter for gourmet or cannibal than any one but the American can fin, why should not th»French, especially, accept our can in exchange for their can-can? If the American can can-can, cun it be as truthfully said that the French can can cans?