Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 August 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

[From the Burlington Bswkcye.} The youngest “boy preacher” in this country is now about 41 years old. Isn’t it about time to set another batch liefore the present stock of boy evangelists mature? \ One-fourth of all, the pineapples imported in the United States go, to Philadelphia. A pineapple tastes good to your nose, but it conldn’t be much more indigestible if it was made of hickory. “You’re not going to ask me sl7 for that bonnet?” “Indeed,” replied the milliner, “I don’t make a dollar on it when I 'throw it away at that prioe.” “Merpiful saints,” ejaculated the customer, “I can get one half so large for S2O just down here at Fnssandfeathers." “What do they grind at a spice-mill ?” asked« Rollo, as he walked past one with his father. “Customers,” replied Hollo’s father, who knew what pepper was made of and how cinnamon was flavored. “They grind the customers.” And Hollo said, “Oh!” He will say it louder when he is old enough to keep house himself. Some wise man says, “ There is a remedy for every wrong.” Oh, yes, that’s all right, but what good does that dO k the man who comes out of clfnrch late and finds that the wrong man ha» taken the right umbrella, and left him a good handle with three broken ribs and a dome of holes? THE LAY OF THE DUDE. Oh! come with me, and be my love: For thee the sidewalk’s length I’ll rove. I’ll pierce the champagne jug for Its wine. And pose for thee, if thouTt be mine. IH chase the anise-seed bag o’er the plain, And the poodle-dog I’ll lead with a chain. And the English coach, with its loity seat, I’ll drive with a four-in-hand so fleet. [From Chicago Cheek.] A college crew has lately been beaten on the soull, and an old professor remarks that tins is the most direct way of getting anything into their heads. They say that Sitting Bull wants to be baptized. It would- not be a bad idea, provided the Government would furnish boiling water and baptize by immersion. It is suggested that the national capital be removed to Ohio, so that the citizens of that State, who are either office-holders or office-seekers, may save traveling expenses. “What are the wild waves saying, sister?” They are saying if the man with strong feet would only wash them oftener, • there would be a less number of sudden deaths to record each year, and fewer tantilized authors would be writing on the subject: “Is Life Worth Living?” Out in Texas, where the gentle revolver flourisheth “like a green bay horse, ” the popular form of salutation is s.omewhat thusly: One shot fired through your hat, “Good morning!” Two shots fired through your hat, “Hjdw are you? glad to see you!” Three shots mean, “By jinkum! old fel., where been all summer? Here, shake!” The more bullets that go through your hat, and the oloser they come to you without hitting you, the more cordial is the salutation intended. [From Casl Pretzel’s Weekly.] When a persfln is breathless with delight, does he cease to exist? It is a little strange, but one can pull fresh fish out of salt water. A Justice of the Peace has been rewarded for not taking leg bail. Did one ever see a woman get off a horse car with her nose in the proper direction. Elevated railroads are numerous. Elevated schooners—of beer—are not uncommon. A man living in a section of this country where no secret societies existed, had used up all the excuses for remaining out late at night, was heard to exclaim “Oh for a lodge. ” She lay quite still; her sleep was that of an infant—deep and checkered with sweet dreams that brought the shadow of a smile, now and again to the red, haft-parted lips; her Meep lashes lay like a shadow upon her smooth, soft cheek; the flush of health, and youth, and beauty tinted its rounded outlines. A fluttering leaf was wafted by ihe breeze against her palatial ear, and she awoke with a startled grunt and made for a more retired mudpuddle.