Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 August 1883 — PTTH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PTTH AND POINT.

A mam of probity—The surgeon. The donkey never suffers from softening of the brayin.’ Ass organ-grinder is not the architect of his own four-tunes. It is at the quilting “bee” where you hear the stinging remark. Pictubes of fancy aae to be found in a frame of mind.— The,Drummer. A mellow drammer— A well-soaked tipster.— Baltimore Every Saturday. Some mens vas alvays like der keyhole on der back of a clock. Dhey vaa behint time.— Carl Pretzel A mam paid his dentist $6 for pulling out only two of his teeth, and on his way borne he met a friend and got on the wrong side of an - argument with him, and he kindly knocked out the balanoe of them for nothing.— Carl Pretzel ’a Weekly. Sevebal fashionable churches in Northern ffities announced that they are closed for the season. Fashionable religion cannot stand hot weather. What jt is going to do hereafter, in its unacclimated state, only heaven knows. — Texas Siftings. Hint for liars about the weather: “I never remember anything like this season for dryness. Three months without any rain.” “Bah! That’s nothing. Now, in 1846, I remember, we didn’t have a drop of rain for eighteen months.”— French. As a matter of faot George Washington sat down in the boat and held on to the seat when he crossed the Delaware, but such a position would not may a a striking tableau, and so the hero of the ferry passed into pictorial history standing.— New Orleans Picayune. A cat has nine lives. But even that doesn’t enable you to comprehend how you can hear her, or him, as the case may be, spit and squall and yell in fifteen different places on the four shed roofs and two fences at the same time. Alas! how weak a thing is science, after all! Pbof. Huxley holds that an acre of good fishing ground win yield more food in a week than an acre of the best land will product in a year. Huxley evidently never tried catching fish himself. If he had he would know that one fish to each square mile of water is about the average nowadays. Two Philadelphia lawyers got into a street fight. Each swore if he had a pistol he’d kill the other. At onoe a dozen were offered to each by spectators. When they found how anxious the populaoe was tb get rid of each they swore friendship, and vowed to live forever, to spite the town. Lady—“ But, Professor, how came you to offend Mrs. Smith?*’ Professor —“Ah, I’vfll tell you. Mme. Smit she come to me and she say I do vant my daughter to sing so high as Mees Brown, and she fly in one rage and say as dere is nosing low in hpr fa-mily,ven I say Mees Shut shahaf a low voice.” “No aunt,” said young Folkestone, “I don’t get on well at all with Clara. And, by the way, there’s one thing I don s t like. Pm afraid she puts chalk on her face.” “Oh, that’s nothing,” replied Aunt Goodwin, laughing, “A nice soldier you would make, now, wouldn’t you? If you can’t face powder, George, how era you expect ever to get into an engagement?” Tourists and other victims of dyspepsia, take the advice of an cfld tar and never go to sea, but buy a guidebook, stay at home and commit enough of its beautiful 30 cents a line puffs of bed-ridden hotels, and regale' your friends with it upon their return from some sequestered spot with their amiable country relations.— Chicago Cheek. . IN AND OUT OF OFFICE. “Oh. listen to the water-wheel through &H the live long day; Your salary will jfcop about the time you lose The fellow ladder’s top, to him all glory AndUmfellow at the bottom is the fellow no 'one knoWB. No geod are all the ‘had beens,’ far in otuntry and in town. Nobody oares how high yon have been, when onoe you. havp come down. When once you have been President, and are President ho mate. You may rttn a tarty, br teach a school, or keep a country store, No one will ask about you, you never will be Uli^B^CL The mill will only grind for yon. while you supply the grist ''—HfrUnyW* Hawkeye. He was on bis knees before her,, and with a voice tremulous tyith passion he said; “Nothing shall separate us evermore, my darting! For yorir sake I will beard the lion in his dpn—l will face death on the battle-fU4d! 1 will skim the seas! I will endure all hardships, all suffering, all misery P He parsed rad looked eagerly at her, with hjs whoso soul quivering in hjs eyes. “Will you do all this for the sake of my love?” said she;, gazing earnestly at ,hjm. “Yes, yes— times yes!” “And if we get married* (here she blushed slightly) “willyou get up first and light, : thp fire ?” With a shriek pf despair he fled. > If infants' bands knit of Saxony yarn are knit with the old-time “garter stitch,” and then when of the desired length are sewed together, they will pot shrink when washed, or at least will not be so likely to shrink much. Be careful to make a very flat seam where the ends are joined. Curtains are draped much highA? than they used to be. It is no longer considered essential that they übull meet low down, but it is good form to tie them back so that one may look out of the window, or so that a small table may be placed close to the window. A Montana Chinaman bought a Piegan wife for two saoks of musty flrar, Her k f«Woo«s wa» tiiroTm % .