Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 July 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

A hcmane equestrian will never stirrup his horse. A man fell from the roof of a barn and killed himself. He was an eavesdropper. \ When the Ohio river took to rising it only emulated the example set by tiie Ohio politician. One swallow may make a summer* but a swallow-tailed coat does not necessarily make a gentleman. How many mint juleps does it take to make a nose-gay?— Atlanta Journal. Certainly one less than nine will make it rosy-eight.— Georgia Major. What is the simplest way to keep jelly from molding on top ?— BoardingHouse Keeper. Put it on the table once in aVhile.— Philadelphia News. When a rich man dies from too much bug juice, his physician informs the world that- ffhe disease was “voluntary and responsible insanity;” when a poor man goes under from the same cause, it is called chronic alcoholism.— Carl Pretzel’B Weekly. Priest —“ Pat, I understand you are going to be married again.” Disconsolate widower—“Yis, your riv’rence.” Priest—“ But your wife, Pat, lias only been tfead two weeks.” D. W.—“Yis, your riv’rence; but shure ain’t she as dead now as she iver will be ?” Customer (to grocer)—“How much are these eggs a dozen?” “Dwentyfive cents,” replied the grocer. “Why, how’s that? Jones sells them at 20 cents.” “Und vy don’t you py ov Jones, denn?” “Because he hasn’t any this morning.” “Veil, I vill sell deim for dwenty cents too, venn I don’t got any.”

“The top of the morning to ye, Mistress Jones, ” said Patrick. “Was that young lady I saw wid ye yisterday yer sister?” “Yes, Patrick,” replied Mrs. Jones, “that was my nister.” Patrick — “And was she married, I don’t know?” Mrs. Jones: “She has been mdrried, but she’s a widow now.” Patrick—“A widdy is it? And is her hoosband. did?” An old but good story of Tom Ingoldsby (Barham ) is that he once entered a Quakers’ meeting-house,, and, looking around at the grave assembly, held up a penny tart and said solemnly: “Whoever speaks first shall have this tart.” “Go thy way,” said a drabcolored gentleman, rising, “go thy way—” “The pie’s yours,” said Tom, squeezing the raspberry treasure into the hand of the pious rebuker and walking out of the assembly. NEIGHBORS. I’ve several good neighbors. And one he has a dog; Ano h sr) as a small boy; Another keeps.a bog. Anoihsr has some pig:one; An .taer owns f-oi.e cats; t Another sea iters wildly His lately-poisoned rats. Anp;Ler comes an’d borrows My paper every day;. Another < n the cornet Is learn,ng how to playO Boone! heroic Daniel! O man who got away! I well know why you ventured 'Mid savages to stray! ■ Committee of Solicitation—“ls Mrs. Smith at home?” Mary Ann (lately landed) —“No, ma’am.” Second Lady of Committee —“How unfortunate! We wanted to see her on business. Please tell her so when you hand her these cards.” Third Lady—“ Have you any idea when she will be in ?” Mary Ann (who has been drilled for formalities only)—“Yes, ma’am; she said when she ran out on the piazza as how she’d eome right in again as’ soon as she heard the door shut. ” “Now, children,” said Mrs. Shoddy, as she finished staining their lips and chins with rouge; “now, children, after you are out a little while you must ring Mrs. Envious’ bell and pretend you’ve called to play with her little daughter. If she asks you what made the red stain on your face, tell her you had strawberries for dinner. There,” she muttered, when the ohildren were out of sight. “There, I guess she’ll be blind with envy when she thinks I have ' been able to buy strawberries at 40 cents a pint.” LOUISE. When I vex mamma, as I fear I do, t,hough not to tease her. She valnlv tries to look severe « While saying “Now, Lou'ser!" When papa, comes at nlghttall he Gives Vroetings such a a few do And calls m-, on, so tenderly. His-precious, narling “Lu-lu." Myabrothers call me ‘‘Were.” As “Lon” The girls hail me so easy. And grandma, sweetly beaming through Her "specs, says, "little Weezy.” But one w iose name I mustn’t tell. Because h - loves me nearly, Just says, “Louis',’’ which makes me—well. Love him—a llotle merely. —H. C. Hodtje.