Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 July 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Adam’s first wife must have been the Eve of suicide when she ate of the forbidden fruit. He spent S6O on his daughter’s art tuition, and then she couldn’t draw a conclusion. An Ohio man has taken the smallpox from a pet pig. When once this disease gets into a family it is pretty sure to go through it; A New York tailor says that when he desires to get rid of a poor-paying customer he misfits him so badjy that he is laughed at Then he gets mad ai d patronizes some other tailor. “What is a woman?” says an exchange. It is—well, we suppose she is a combination of dynamite and mule, for she looks as innocent as a mule and talks like dynamite when she is mad. “Is anybody waiting on you ?” said a polite dry-goods clerk to a young lady from the country. “Yes, sir,” replied the blushing damsel; “that’s my fellow outside; he'wouldn’t come in the store.” In a recent sermon, statistical Talmage said: “Every human being winks about 30,000 times a day.” He might have added that in Brooklyn a good deal of the winking is at sin.— New Orleans Picayune. A man looking over his wash, which the laundress had just brought home, remarked that he could very well understand how his nether garments might shrink up, but what puzzled him most was how the ruffles grew on each leg.

“This is a fine time of night to come home, and you just married, ’’ said x Mrs. Dayis indignantly, lepking at the clock, which had just told the midnight hour. “My dear,” replied her husband ponderously, “I decline to be interviewed on the subject of politics.” “Liver is king.” We have seen the foregoing statement in a dozen different papers, signed, too, by some prominent doctor who is in the patent-medicine business. It is strange, if liver is really king?, that nobody at a boarding-house ever says, “Pass me the fried king.”— Texas Siftings. A Chicago Judge has decided that it is not unlawful to call a girl a “heifer.” Neither is it unlawful to punch the head of the person who would use such language to a girl. And* now we suppose it is not unlawful to call the Judge an ox, who couldn’t find an excuse for punishing the man who Called the girl a heifer.— George Peck. - “Children,” said a rural Sundayschool Superintendent, “never strike a. man—” “ Got that money yet ?” shouted a man looking through the doorway. “Unless you owe him,” continued the Superintendent; and, seizing a bench leg, he made it so warm for his intruder that he afterward declared the thermometer ranged among the nineties.— Arkansaw Traveler. “I suppose you must have your sad days, as well as any one, ” said a lady to the editor of a Chicago humorous paper. “What day of the week are you the saddest?” and she beamed on him with a pitying look. “Well, let’s see,” says the editor, as he opened a drawer in his desk and took out a pinch of tobacco and placed it in a briar-wood pipe. “Tuesday, I believe is the most sad and mournful day to me, ” and he heaved a sigh as he lit a match on his boot. ‘“Why Tuesday?” asked the lady K as she wished she could take a comb and straighten out his hair which seemed to be scrambled.*: “Oh, Tuesday, you know, is the day we receive the .London humorous papers.” The lady got his name in an autograph album and went away to engage a Chinese laundryman to translate it. — Peck’s Sun.