Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 July 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Never put a bib on a child with a poor appetite. Tt will be sure to go against his stomach. Thebe are some men so talkative that nothing but the toothache can make one of them hold his jaw. The cabbage is a less-pleasing quadruped than the rose; but the rose is .at a discount when corned-beef is in season. “You are setting us a bad example,” as the algebra class said when the teacher wrote a hard eqdation on the board. An Arkansas editor says that the stingiest man in town talks through his nose to save the wear and tear on his false teeth. Thebe is no difference between a well-limbed tramp and a well-trimmed lamp when a cyclone makes itStoppearance, for they both light out. “No, I won’t take your combings and have them made into bangs, either,” growled Mr. Oldhusband to Jus wife. “Why, sir?” “Because Pd be arrested for tress-jtassing.— Pittsburgh Telegraph. Samuel Gunn was arraigned in a local court for intoxication. When he shot his breath at the Judge the latter remarked that it was evidently a muz-zle-odor, but he couldn’t permit a discharge. He stood before her holding both her hands in his, and he asked her, 'softly, “Why am I like a railroad train?” “Because you never get anything to eat?” “No, my own, it is because I hold twowrists. ”

“Oh dear,” 'exclaimed Edith to her doll, “I do wish you would sit still. I. never saw such an uneasy thing in my life. Why don’t you act like grown people, and be still and stupid for a while.”— Burlington Hawkeye. On the street: “I understand that you own a great many houses and small farms in the suburbs.” “Yes.” “Do you live on any of them?" “No.” “Themyou don’t raise anything?” “Oh, yes; every spring I raise rents.” A German went to a friend and said: “To-morrow I owe you $20,000. lam ruined. I cannot pay it, and I cannot shleep.a vink.” The creditor said: “Vy didn’t you vait to dell me to-moYrow ? Now neither can I shleep a vink.” Ann Eliza writes to ask why a poor man.< invariably keeps dogs. We have not given the question much considera tion, but we have concluded that a poor man sqpports_a dog to. keep the wolf from the door.— Yonkers Statesman. It is sad to hear a religious society’ singing, “When I can read my title clear to mansions in the skies,” when you reflect upon the lamentable fact they have ndt got so far as to be able to read a clear title of their church mansion on earth.— Boston Transcript. ;

A new coachman has been advised to be scrupulously polite toward his employer if he wishes to keep his place. Accordingly, when his master visits the stable the following conversation takes place: “Well, John, how are the horses this morning ?” “ Quite well, sir, thank you. And you?” Gratifying : Amateur artist (to the carrier) —“Did you see my picture safely delivered at the Royal Academy ?” Carrier—“Yessir, and. mighty pleased they seemed to be with it—leastways if one may jedge, sir. They didn’t say nothin’—but—Lor’; how they did laugh!”— London Punch. “What are we going to’ do with our dead ?” asks an excited cremationist. Be calm, man. We can get along well enough with our dead. They won’t trouble us. They are good and quiet enough. It’s the live men that worry, us. What are we going to do with some of the live men ? And we will Vll you, confidentially; there is one of them we are going to push down a four-story elevator well, if he comes up with the same old bill just once more to-day. Then you can take what is left of him and go on vith the discussion of your question. —Burlington Hawkeye.

Near Bozeman, on the Northern Pacific railroad, is a curve which, if prolonged, would make a circle 600 feet in ! diameter. This is a very sharp curve, as 720 feet is the smallest diameter deemed safe. It is said that decaying cabbage will produce diphtheria sooner than any. other nuisance about the house.