Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 June 1883 — Page 3

The Republican. RENSSELAER, INDIANA. G. E. MARSHALL, - - Publisher

Am extremely-unusual occurrence happened at M. Rothschild’s bank, in Paris, the other day. A band of some fifty Polish Jews entered the bureaux and claimed pecuniary assistance. As they refused to retire unless their demand was complied with, M. de Rothschild was obliged to send for the police to expel them from his premises. The Soldier’s Home estate at Washington covers 502 acres. There are .500 inmates, with 150 out pensioners, who get $8 a month. The revenue is about $160,000 a year, derived in part from SIOO,OOO levied by Gen. Scott on the city of Mexico for having permitted guerrillas to fire on American troops, and from a fee of 12 j cents a month deducted from the the pay of all soldiers in the army.

The latest “American” story going the rounds of the European press is that of a traveler of that nationality who found it necessary to excuse his inability to join in the hilarity of other travelers because of his poverty. "Gentlemen.” said he, “I know I’m more or less of a saturated blanket on this party; but the fact is, I’m a very poor man—steeped to the lips, I may say, in impecuniosity. When I tell you, in strict confidence, that this is my wedding tour, and I have been compelled to leave my wife at home, you can form an idea of the narrowness of my resources. ”

The artesian well which was bored at Akron, Col., 112 miles from Denver, has met with an unfortunate mishap. Work was going on finely when, at a depth of 1,250 feet, the ponderous drill, with its weight of 2,000 pounds above it, stuck in the tube, and could not be forced down to the bottom. Since then all efforts to prosecute the work have proved unavailing. The work was under the management of Prof. Horace Beach, the United States Artesian Well Commissioner, who believes that abundance of excellent water can be made to spout to the surface in Colorado in artesian wells which are sunk to the depth of 2,000 feet.

The Bell Telephone Company had a gang of men recently in Camden, N. J., putting up a line, and they proceeded to dig a hole in which to place a pole in front of a property owned by a Mr. Beckett. Mrs. Beckett, in the absence of her husband, protested against the digging of' the hole, but without effect upon the minions of the corporation. Finally she sent for husband. When he saw how things stood he went for a lawyer. As soon as he went away Mrs. Beckett put on her shawl, and, going out, jumped into the hole and dared •the workmen to dig it any deeper. The workmen stopped until the husband returned, when he made a compromise, pulled his wife out of the hole wherein she had planted herself, and allowed the work to proceed.

Abound the Chicago Board of Trade have grown up shops where, by furnishing the machinery for cheap gambling on the price of grain, the proprietors have made fortunes. In a small way, and for the benefit of small gamblers, they imitate an incident of the business daily done on ’Change. That incident is the buying and selling of speculative trades of cereals, not with the intention of delivering or accepting the commodity itself, but, at an agreed time, of settling upon the difference in price. There would seem to be no occasion for the Board of Trade to fear the rivalry of these common shops, but it has essayed to crush them out by inducing the telegraph company of withhold from them the quotations of the markets made on ’Change. These quotations are essential, since they are the arbiters by which the small transactions of the customers of the shops are determined. The matter is now in the courts.

The confusion caused by a number of different places in the same country bearing the same name is nowhere more felt than in Brazil. In that empire there are thirty-five towns and villages called Santa Cruz, and as many as 172 named Santa Anna, seventeen Santa Isabel, forty-six Santa Rita, and twenty-four Santa Maria. Udless the province and postal town are exactly given in each of these cases, a letter or paper may wander about in the hands of the postoffice for months before it reaches its destination. And these particulars are the more necessary, as,

while there are 9,660 towns, villages and hamlets in Brazil, the number of postoffices is only 1,400. The same evil is frequently felt in the United States, where repetitions of the same name for different places are very common. One of the most favorite names in recent times is Bismarck, which has been given to a dozen difierent settlements in the Western States.

Im a party in St. Joseph, Mo., were a young man “noted for his conversational powers,” and a beautiful girl “from one of the upper counties.” In the course of a struggle for a trinket “the girl sank her ivory teeth into the fleshy part of the young man’s arm.”. He politely concealed his pain until he returned home, when, on removing his garments, blood was found trickling from the wound. Next morning the lacerated arm was swollen to twice its natural size, and he was laid up for several days. The St. Joseph paper, in relating the incident, refers to another and worse one of a similar nature that occurred at Cape Girardeau a few years ago, in which a young gentleman actually died from a playful bite on his thumb by a young lady. The paper remarks: “It frequently happens that the bite of a woman is poisonous.”

The channel tunnel to connect the shores of England and France is still a vexed question. The Law Journal, referring to the appointment of the committee of both houses of Parliament in connection with this matter, says sight must not be lost of the fact that such Parliamentary sanction is not necessarily required at all. If the tunnel should be worked from the French side alone, the soil of the tunnel as it progressed would be French, and the question would not be whether the tunnel should have Parliamentary sanction, but whether it should have Parliamentary prohibition, by confiscating the property of the company in English soil when the foreshore was reached. If Parliament refuses sanction to the tunnel, it is far from following that the tunnel will not be made; and the real question before the committee will be whether Parliament should refuse sanction now that it is asked for, at the risk of the tunnel being made in the future without any sanction being asked.

When Harrison made Webstei Secretary of State the rage for office in Massachusetts got to fever heat. Among those that went to Washington was a neighbor of Mr. Webster, of habits too convivial for his own good. The Secretary did his best to get him to leave Washington, promising the very first office his old friend could fill. But the office-seeker, day after day, went to the State Department to ascertain if the office had yet been found. Mr. Webster gave orders not to admit him. One morning be went, determined to know his fate, and his looks showed it. Drawing a large knife, he forced his way to where Mr. Webster sat alone writing. Seeing the maniac, for maniac he was, Webster reached for the bell. Seeing this, the fellow shouted: “Don’t touch that bell, Dan Webster, or I’ll cut your heart out of you 1 You promised to give me an office and you haven’t done it. I have lived here until I have spent every cent I had and all I could borrow; I have been kicked out of my boarding-house, the mortgage on my farm is foreclosed, the homestead, with all its furniture, sold, and my wife and little ones turned out, houseless, homeless, on the world. And now,” he said, as he advanced, “all I have to say to you, sir, after such treatment, is to tell you, in the language of the lamented Shakspeare, to go to you!”' Then he left. In what part of the works of the “lamented Shakspeare” the words are found has never been ascertained.

Probably Made It Do.

In times gone by a wholesale merchant in this city had the reputation of being terribly hard on a debtor who met with ill-luck, and it was therefore with a sad heart that a Poughkeepsie grocer, who had been obliged to close his doors, sent him word and waited his coming. “I shall take your house and lot, of course,” said the creditor. “Of course.” “And your horses.” “Yes.” “And your wife’s jewelry?” “Certainly.” “And your boy’s pony?” “Yes.” . “And—and, look here, sir; are.you hiding anything from me?” “My dear sir,” replied the debtor, “I want to reserve my grandmother’s tombstone. It has not been put up yet, and stands in the barn.” “Want to reserve it, do you?” mused the creditor. “Well, I’ll see about it— I’ll see if it will pay me to have it cut down for the baby my daughter lost last week!”— Exchange,

THE BAD BOY.

“You look sleepy,” said the grocery - man to the bad boy, as he came in the store yawning, and stretched himself sut on the counter with 'his head on a pile of brown wrapping paper, in reach of a box of raisins; •‘what’s the matter? Been sitting up with your girl all night?” “Naw! I wish I had. Wakefulness with my girl is sweeter and more restful than sleep. No, this is the result of being a dutiful son, and I am tired. You see, pa and ma have separated. That is, not for keeps, but pa has got frightened about burglars, and he goes up into the attic to sleep. ; He says it is to get fresh air, but he knows better. Ma has got so accustomed to pa’s snoring that she can’t go to sleep without it, and the first night pa left she didn’t sleep a wink, and yesterday I was playon an old accordeon that I traded a dog-collar for after our dog was poisoned, and when I touched the low notes I noticed ma dozed off to sleep, it sounded so much like pa’s snore, and last night ma made me sit up and play for her to sleep. She rested splendid, but lam all broke up, and I sold the accordeon this morning to the watchman who watches our block. It is queer what a different effect music will have on different people. While ma was sleeping the sleep of innocence under the influence of my counterfeit of pa’s snore, the night-watchman was broke of his rest by it, and he bought it of me to give it to the son of an enemy of his. Well, I have quit jerking soda. ” •’No, you don’t tell me,” said the grocery man, as he moved the box of raisins out of reach. “You never will amount to anything unless you stick to one trade or profession. A rolling hen never catches the early angleworm. ” “Oh, but lam all right now. In the soda business there is no chance for genius to rise, unless the soda fountain explodes. It is all wind, and one gets tired of constant fizz. He feels that he is a fraud, and when he puts a little sirup in a tumbler, and tires a little sweetened wind and water in it,until the soaps sud tills the tumbler, and charges 10 cent for that which only costs a cent, a sensitive soda-jerker, who has reformed, feels that it is worse than three-card monte. I couldn’t stand the wear on my conscience, so I have got a permanent job as a super, and shall open the Ist of September” “Say, what’s a super ? It isn't one es these tree-lunch places, that the Mayor closes at midnight, is it ?” and the grocery man looked sorry. “O thunder, you want salt on you. A super is an adjunct to the stage. A supe is a fellow that assists the stars and things, carrying chairs and taking up carpets, and sweeping the sand off the stage after a dancer has danced a jig, and he brings beer for the actors, and helps lace up corsets, and anything that he can do to add to the effect of the play. Privately, now, I have been acting as a supe for a long time, on the sly, and my folks didn’t know anything about it, but since I reformed and decided to be good I felt it my duty to tell ma aud pa about it. The news broke ma all up at first, but pa said some of the best actors in this country were stipes once, and some of them were now, and he thought suping would be the making of me. Ma thought going on the stage would be my ruination. She said the theater was the hotbed of sin, and brought more ruin than the church could head off. But when I told her that they always gave a supe two or three extra tickets for his family, she said the theater had some redeeming features, and when I said my entrance upon the stage would give me a splendid opportunity to get the recipe for face powder from the actresses for ma, and I could find out how the actresses managed to get number four feet into number one shoes, ma said she wished I would commence suping right off. Ma says there are some things about the theater that are not so alfired bad, and she wants me to get seats for the first comic opera that comes along. Pa wants it understood with the manager that a supe’s father has a right to go behind the scenes to see that no harm befalls him, but I know what pa wants. He may seem pious, and all that, but he likes to look at ballet girls better than any meek and loifly follower I ever see, and some day you will hear music in the air. Pa thinks theaters are very bad, when he has to pay a dollar for a reserved seat, but when he can get in for nothing as a relative of one of the ‘perfesh,’ the theater has many redeeming qualities. Pa and ma think I am going into the business fresh and green, but I know all about it. When I played with McCullough here once —” “Oh, what you giving us,” said the grocery man, in disgust, “when you played with McCullough! What did you do?” “What did I do? Why, you old seed cucumber, the whole play centered around me. Do you remember the scene in the Roman forum, wljpre McCullough addrbqsed the populace of Rome. I wife the populace. Don’t you, remembfer a small feller standing in front of the Roman orator taking it in; with a night shirt on, with bare legs and arms ? That was me, and everything depended on me. Suppose I had gone off the stage at the critical moment or laughed when I should have looked fierce at the inspired words of the Roman Senator, it would have been a dead give-away on McCullough. As the populace of Rome I consider myself a ghttering success, and Me took me by the hand when they carped Caesar’s dead body out, and he said, ‘us three did ourselves proud.’ Such praise from McCullough is seldom accorded to a supe. But I don’t consider the popu-

lace of the imperial citv of Rome my master piece. Where ! excel is in coming out before the curtain between the acts, and unhooking the carpet. Some supes go out and turn their backs to the audience, showing patches on their panto, and rip up the carpet with no style about them, and the dust flies, and the boys yell ‘supe,’ and the supe gets nervous and forgets his cue, and goes off tumbling over the carpet, and the orchestra leader is afraid the supe will fall on him. Bqt Igo out with a quiet dignity that is only gained by experience, and I take hold of the carpet the way Hamlet takes up the skull of Yorick, and the audience is paralyzed. I kneel down on the carpet to unhook it, in a devotional way that makes the audience bow their heads as though they were in church, and before they realize that I am only a supe I have the carpet unhooked and march out the way a ’Piacopal minister does when he goes out between the acts at church to change his shirk They never *guy’ me, ’cause I act well my part. But I kick on holding dogs for actresses. Some supes think they are made if they can hold a dog, but I have an ambition that a pug dog will not fill. I held Mary Anderson’s cud of gum once, while she went on the stage, and when she came off and took her gum her fingers touched mine, and I had to run my fingers in my hair to warm them, like a fellow does when he has been snowballing. Gosh, but she would freeze ice cream without salt. I shall be glad when the theatrical season opens, ’cause we actors get tired laying off.” “Well, I’d like to go behind the scenes with you some night,” said the grocery man, offering the bad boy an orange to get solid with him, in view of future complimentary rickets. “No danger, is there?” “No danger if you keep off the grass. But .you’d died to see my Sundayschool teacher one Saturday night last summer. He keeps books in a store, and is pretty soon week days, but he can tell you more about Daniel in the lion’s den on Sunday than anybody. He knew I was solid at the theater, and wanted me to get him behind the scenes one night, and another supe wanted to go to the sparring match,and I thought it wouldnt be any harm to work my teacher in, so I got him a job that night to hold fflie dogs for the “Uricle Tom’s Cabin” show. He was in one of the wings holding the chains, and the dogs were just anxious to go on, and it was all my teacher could do to hold them. I told him to wind the chains around his wrists, and he did so, and just then Eliza began to skip across the ice, and we sicked on the blood-hounds before my teacher could unwind the chains from his wrists, and the dogs pulled him right out on the stage, on his stomach, and drawed him across, and he jerked one dog and kicked him in the stomach, and the dog turned on my teacher and took a mouthful of his coat tail and shook it, and I guess the dog got some meat, anyway the teacher climbed up a step-ladder and the dogs treed him, and the step-ladder fell down, tfiid we grabbed the dogs and put some courtplaster on the teacher’s nose, where the fire-extinguisher peeled it, and he said he would go home, cause the theater was demoralizing in its tendencies. I ’spose it was not right, but when the teacher stood up to hear our Sunday-school lesson the next day, ’cause he was tired where the dog bit him, I said ‘sick-em,’ in a whisper, when his back was turned, and he jumped clear over to the Bible-class and put his hand around to his coattail, as though he thought the “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” party were giving a matinee in the church. The Sundavschool lesson was about the dog’s licking the sores of Lazarus, and the teacher said we must not confound thp good dogs of Bible-time with the savage beasts of the present day, that would shake the daylights out of Lazarus and make him climb the cedars of Lebanon quicker than you could say Jack Robinson, and go off chewing the cud of bitter reflection on Lazarus’ coat-tail. I don’t think a Sunday-school teacher ought to bring up personal reminiscences before a class of children, do you? Well, some time next fall you put on a clean shirt and a pair of sheetiron pants, with stove-legs on the inside, and I will take you behind the .scenes to see some good moral show. In the meantime, if you have occasion to talk with pa, tell him that Booth and Barrett and Keene commenced on the stage as supes, and Salvini roasted peanuts in the lobby of some theater. I want our folks to feel that I am taking the right course to become a star. I prythe au reservoir! Igo hens, but to return. Avaunt!" And the bad boy walked out on his toes a la Booth.— Peck’s Sun.

Definitions.

Bath.—-The leveler—a tub in which King, burgher and peasant look and act alike. Bummer.—A philosopher; the latterday name for a modern Diogenes, derived from the Greek word TnaMp. Soldier.—A machine working automatically; powerful for autocrats; powerless for democrats. Thieving.—A too-visible appropriation of another person’s goods; called speculation when artistically done. Honor.—An invisible quality that men swear by, not act by; a colloquial phrase. Army.—A conglomeration of atoms, that one atom may raise itself above the others. Happiness.—An abstract term, meaning absence of misery. Blue Blood.—A fife stream tinged blue with the dregs of centuries. Politician.— A human sac-simile of the Keeley motor; a thing of promise and of little worth.— The Judge.

"FLY BELL.”

The Long-Lost Son Dodge Played in a Pennsylvania . Town. The Putative Father Bound, Gagged and Robbed of a Large Sum. (Glen City (Pa.) Telegram to Chicago Times.] Elmer Snyder is a wealthy farmer who pvea a abort distance outside of this village He is a widower, Uvea in a big house, and stands high in the community. Mrs. Snyder died five years ago from grief because her son ran away. Two weeks ago a young man appeared in town and claimed to be the long-lost son. The neighbors circulated stories of a fast life in Chicago, and were auspicious, but the farmer believed In himLat Wednesday a handsome, elegantlydressed woman, unaccompanied, drove up to the village inn, and secured accommodations for a few days, saying she was from Philadelphia and desired a quiet room. While walking on the street she met the lately-returned farmer’s son. Tney suddenly became int mate, and until Thursday night he was c. nstanty in her society. He introduced her to a few Soung ladies as Mrs. Dickerson, of Philadelelphia, and said she wa< the wife of a friend of his. On Friday morning the servants in the Snyder household were surprised by the non-appearance of Mr. Snyder. Bui sting open the door, they saw the old man lying at full length upon the floor, bound ana gagged. The ropes that bound him were wrapped around nis arms and with a double twist, while the gag was tightly wedged in his mouth. Cutting the cords and lifting him to his feet, they administer el restoratives. When he had nuttic ently recovered, the old man said: “That young man was not my son. 1 have been cruelly deceived and roboed,’’ printing to a safe which stood in the corner of the room. The servants saw that the safe had been opened and the contents scattered about the floor. “Last night,” continued the farmer,” the yonng man and I remained up till about 1 o’clock talking about the Western States. At last he started to talk about my real estate, money, bonds, etc., but I never suspected anything and shortlv after I went to bed. How long I slept I don’t know, but I was roughly awakened by a gag being forced into my mouth, and before I could help myself I was bound and gagged. As soon as the light was turned up 1 recognized the faee of the young man whom I thought my son and the stylish woman who had stopped at the tavern. The young man laughed quietly, and, taking up my trousers, took the key out of the pocket and deliberately proceeded to open the safe. The pair then examined the contents. The money they put in a valise the women carried, while the papers were tossed about as you see them. After they had taken everything, the young man came up to me and laughingly said; ‘Good-by, papa. I’ll nay your respects to your son when I get back to Chicago. He wants to hear from you’ They then went out, locking the door after them." Thia morning a detective from Chicago arrived, looking for two indlvld uals whose description tallies exactly with that of the farmers bogus son and the flashy women who put up at that tavern. Going to see Mr. Snyder, the detective saw that the young man was not his son, but an old Chicago thief and confidence man, and known among his associatertin crime as “Fly Bill,” and who went under the aliases of John Peters, Harry Rutledge, etc. The woman, he said, was a noted courtesan from Chicago, who is wanted there for a number of crimes. The loss to the farmer is nearly •8.500. The booty consisted of #4,900 in greenbacks and the rest in Government bond#*. The numbers of the bonds have been given to the authorities, and a heaw reward will be offered for the arrest of the thieves. A watch was kept at all the railroad stations, but it is thought that the pair are already out of the country.

THE PRESIDENT.

Ho Will Divide the Sammer Between the East and the Northwest. [Washington Telegram to the Chicago Tribune.] President Arthur does not intend to spend the summer at the Soldier’s Home. After July 1 he will not again be in Washington until September, possibly not until October. It is his purpose to visit the New England watering places He said to a friend Saturday that he should remain here until July 4 or after to finish necessary business, and that he should then visit New York and prepare for an extended summer trip He will probably first go to Newport, where he la expected. His remembrances of last summer are pleasant From Newport he will go along the New England coast, possibly in a Government steamer, touching at Boston. After which he will visit one or two points In Maine. He may decide to accompany Senator Frye on a fishing excursion. He expects to remain in New England until some time in August After that his plans axe undecided, but he has a trip to the Yellowstone country under favorable consideration. He has a great desire to see the Northwestern country, of which he knows comparatively little Should he go to the Yellowstone Park he. of course, will stop in Chicago and accept the in- , vitation for a reception which was long ago tendered him by Collector Spalding. He has received earnest invitations to visit Santa Ee on the occasion of the 310th the settlement of the city, but if he takes a trip further than New England it will undoubtedly be to the Northwest A few who are not willing that a President should have the recreation which other American citizens are at liberty to take think they see in this trip a purpose on the part of the President to make the people of the different sections better acquainted with him, with a view of promoting his chances In the Presidential nominating convention

OUT OF THE USUAL COURSE.

Ths eastern side of Mount Washington. N. H., is still covered with snow. A bird follows the steamer Regular up and down the Ohio river, and frequently aughts on the boat A book weighing three and one-half pounds was thrown up by an artesian well on a farm near Old San Bernardino Crossing, Cal Chiari, a Bohemian physician, though only 80 yean od, has made more than 8, UN postmortem examinations. His favorite song is “Down Among the Dead Men. ’ At Austin, Texas, an Italian organ-grinder with a monkey drew a 1 crowd, and the monkey, in attempting to kin a pretty colored girl, bit her in the cheek. The Italian was arrested and fined for assault Thbbb is now lying at a wharf in Fall River a schooner named the Cabot, which in 1847 sailed from Boston for Ireland with a cargo of grain for the famine-stricken popple of that country. The purchase money for the grain was raised by subscription, and the Cabot accomplished her errand in seventeen days, making one of the quickest trips across the Atlantic ever made up to that time by a sailing vessel.