Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 June 1883 — PRTH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PRTH AND POINT.

The engine-ear ought to be on the donkey engin©. Slang never heard from toe lips of a bride—“ Don’t give me away.” The HarvardvLampoon says a Cambridge ton of ooal is toe champion light weight The greatest talker m existence could not talk long enough to tfre a wagon wheeL The diamond is the stone for an engagement ; bnt give ns the old cobblestone m a free fight. “Miseby loves company.” That’s the reason a hen-pecked husband advises his friends to marry. One who knows says that in the the country they blow a horn before dinner, but in town they take one. * A young ladies’ seminary blew •np the other day down East. It is supposed that a spark got into the* powderroom. <? “Dwo vos sohoost enough, budt dree was too blendy,” remarked Hans, when his girl asked him to take her mother along with him to the dance. In answer to the question, “Can a man marry on $lO a week?” some one asserts: “He cannot if the girl is aware of the amount of his,income.” Country yokel (to his son, at a concert, during the performance of a duet) — “D’ye see, Tom, now it’s getting late, they’re singing two at a tune, so as to get done sooner.” Euchebed ; Jack (admiringly)—“You are a tramp, Miss Marian.” Miss M.—, “Why do you call me such a name as that?” Jack (triumphantly)—“Because of your taking tricks.” “In chosing a wife,” says an ex-' change, “be governed by her chin.” The worst of it is choosing a wife one is apt to keep on being governed in the same way. Somebody has discovered that the correct pronunciation of the word Khedive is “Kedowa.” They might as well tell us that the proper way to pronounce bee-hive is behowa.

“You have been very faithful,” said a merchant to his clerk, “and as a reward a pleasant little vacation is in store for you.” There came a rush of business, and the clerk’s vacation turned out to be a vacation in store. —Burlington Freje Press. The fat woman of a down-town 'museum recently married the “living skeleton” belonging to the same show. The youth of the Yonkers Statesman sententiously remarks that she proha- > bly went on the theory that “nearer tb* bone the sweeter the meat.” Some railroad employs a female switch-tender. Those officials are on the right track—women are ahead of anything as switch-tenders, as when they are on duty the switch is never off, and then they are always posted on the proper time for trains, you know. Gent to waiter—“ Bring me. some grammatical and typographical ersors.” Waiter (looking puzzled at first, but recovering in a mo&ent his usual serenity): “We are just out of them, sir,” “Then what do you mean by keeping them on your bill of fare ?”

rjk snowy and blowy; I’m fireezy, breezy, Bneezy and wheezy; I’m mad/ylad and sad; I’m hazardous and blizzardona; Lm airy, hatry, flary and scary; I’m clinging; ringing- and stinging: I’m howling, scowling t>nd growling: Tm changy, rangy and mangy; I’m horrid, florid and anti-torrjd; I’m billons, tedious and tough; I’m terrible, tricky andarcii; I’m fearless, cheerles and rough; I’m bad and my name Is March. —Danville Advertiser. Clarence Fitz-Hebbert sends us a beautiful poem beginning “I will wait for my love at Heawen’s gate.” Wa think you are about right, Clarence. People who write that kind of poetry seldom get any farther than the gate. You’ll probably continue to wait there long after the rest of us have passed on inside unless you reform and quit writing poetry and learn to spell Heaven with one y. —Burlington Hawkeye. She said: “For her part, she had no opinion of these new-fangled nice folks that are so dreadful particular about ‘diet,’and' oan’t eat nothing but vegetables and such flummery. She called ’em fools, as the Psalmist did.” And when some one inquired for the passage, she cited Psalms cviL 17, 18, to wit: “Fools, because of their transgression and because of their iniquities, are afflicted; their soul abhorreth all manner of meat.”— Congregationalist. “Arrested for carrying * pistol, iras he a magistrate of. an officer, referring to a gentleman who had just been arraigned. “Let’s see the pistol.” The weapon was produced, and handed to the Judge, who examined it, and asked—“ Where did you get it?” “Bought it at a hardware store. ” “What did it cost?” “Fifteen dollars.” “Fine implement. How’ll yon swop?” And the Judge drew out a pistol, and handed it to the prisoner. ’ “Take $lO to boot,” “All right. Pll fine you $lO. That makes us even.”