Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 May 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Spuing goods—rat traps. The American press—the corset. A rolling mill gathers no moss. The first roes of spring—the shad’s. A BtEious individual—the collector. Young grandson, presenting his cigar case to his grandfather. “No, my lad, I don’t smoke. ” “Quite right; at your age it is objectionable. ” It is said that old Father Time is bald-headed so that he can’t he taken by the forelock. He is the fellow who scythes for more worlds to conquer. “Papa,” said a lad the other night, after attentively studying for some minutes an engraving of a human skeleton, “bow did this man manage to keep in his dinner ?” Seven millions of rabbits have been killed in one year in Australia, and these are hardly missed. With an Australian it!s only his dead hares that are numbered. Remark Cardinal de Betz, which is as true now as when it was uttered: “A politician must often change his opinions if he wishes always to remain hi the same party.” “Uncle Willyim, when I grow up shall I still be your nephew?” “Ye’s, my child. You will be my nephew at GO just the same as at 6.” “Yes, Uncle Willyim, but then you won’t have been my ifnele for a good while, will yon ?” “What did the doctor say? tell me,” says the sick man, nervously. “Oh, he didn’t say anything,” replies his friend, encouragingly, “but there is no occasion for any alarm—he seems quite easy and well satisfied.” “Yes, so would I if I was in his place.” A safeguard : Subaltern—“ Meier, when you are on guard at the powder magazine, and a man passes smoking a cigar, what do you do?” Meier—“ Shout to him to throw it away. ” Subaltern — “And then ?” Meier—“l pick it up and smoke the rest of it myself.” Tragic : “Was it a small, white, curly dorg, with a blue ribbon round his neck, yer was lookin’ for, miss?” . “Yes,” gasped the young lady, in aarawvs sus'pense. “Well, J-ack Adams’ Nowfoundland purp, he’s a-gone and swallered him. ” They carried her into the nearest drug store. “Do you hear this?” cried Mrs. Boscom, reading. “ ‘ The exoesaive deathrate in Spain is owing largely, to the uncleanly habits of the people. Thousands of Spaniards have never washed since they were born.’ No wonder tho poor creatures are dark complected!”— Burlington Free Press. A famous North Carolina clergyman while preaching from tho text, “He giveth His beloved sleep,” stopped in the middle of his discourse, gaaed upon his slumbering congregation and said: “Brethren, it is hard to realize the unbounded love which the Lord appears to have for a large portion of my auditory.” A humane man grabbed a olub, jumped in and killed a goat that was chasing a man who carried a red handkerchief in his coat-tail pocket down the street, and the man came back and asked him why he did it. “To save yon,” replied the humane man. “Save me, be hanged!” cried the other, “I’ve just bought that goat, and was coaxing him home.” “Clairvoyants are not so wise as they pretend to be,” remarked Brown; “fact is, they can hardly tell you what you know yourself.” “Can they do that?” asked Feuderson. “No doubt of it,” replied Brown. “But I went to one the other day,” said Fenderson, “and she couldn’t tell me the first thing.” “Yery well,” answered Brown, “and how does that conflict with my statement?”— Boston Transcript. “I was at the theater last night,” said Clara, “and what do you think? Charley Norris was there, in the very next seat to me.” “Was be?” replied Mary. “Did he favor yon with any of his long stories?” “Oh, no,” said Clara; “he hadn’t much to say to me; he talked most of the time to the young lady with him.” “I see,” said Mary; “he gave her tongue and you cold shoulder. ” Boston Transcript. A merchant advertised fer “saleswomen,” and had only two applications —one from, a half-blind woman of 60, and the other from a girl es 14, who proved so giddy on a day’s trial that he discharged her at night. The next morning a new advertisement appeared, calling for “salesladies,” and before 9 o’clock theie was such a rush that he had to put out a sign of “Positions all filled” before his business could proceed. The dude, the beautiful dude! The essence concentrated of trousered prude 1 We see and love him, and who shall dare To chide ns for loving a thing so fair? We love his face, with smile so bland; We love the cane In his well-gloved hand; We love his somber apd lofty air, His tout ensemble of well-dressed care. We love the go-to-the-party dude! Who stands by the wall as though llrmly glued; Who goes to the opera with well-banged hair. With a higu silk hat and a languid air. He walks on the avenue every day. In a clerical collar and aimless way: He rarely smiles, and his driveling talk Is Slow, like'his tongue and his languid walk. —iSexc York Ecernnq Post.