Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 May 1883 — Page 3

A GRAND SPECTACLE.

Alexander Crowned and Proclaimed Emperor of AU the Russias. " ■ ■ ■"— Brilliant Coronation Ceremonies that Cost $10,000,000. Tke Czar has been crooned and proclaimed Emperor of all the Russias, andsti 1 Uvea. The Nihilist plots and schemes for his destruction, if there were any, failed of accomplishment There were no untoward accidents or incidents. The following account of the coronation ceremonies is taken from the New York Herald's cable report: The procession moved from the Imperial Palace before 7 o’clock, amidst the tiring of artillery and the ringing of the Cathedral bells. > The gendearmeries and troops led the way, and the imperial ooaches which followed were surrounded by masses of mounted General officers and personal guards. All the princely guests and representatives, personally, of foreign powers, followed. At an early hour the foreign Ambassadors, members of the Diplomatic Corps and Envoys had met by appointment at the residence of the German Ambassador, that place having been selected for its convenient location; they joined in the procession, gilded state coaches having been provided for them. The Czar looked in excellent health, and appeared in the Cuirassier Guard •niform of pure white and without ornament or decoration. The Czarina wore a heavily-embroidered costume, and the imEerial pair moved from the throne-room to ie Uspensky Cathedral under a magnificent eanopy, upheld by thirty-two Generals of the army. Drummers, trumpets and popular acclamations announced the starting of he procession. The divine services in the,Cachedral were began at 8 o’clock, the invited guests, only 250 in number, orowding the chapel-like building. 'The services were performed while the procession was passing from the palace to the church, and at the conclusion of the Te Deurn the C; arowitch and the other members of the imperial family and tile foreign Princes entered and took their places at the right of the throne Everything was in .readiness, and the audience only , awaited the arrival of their Majesties. 'At the Cathedral entrance they were met by the superior clergy. The regalia accompanying the procession consisted of the two imperial crowns, the two collars of the Order of St, Andrew and the globe and •cepter, whose money value exceed $2,000,600, but whose statistic value is very small. The imperial crown was that of Catherine, with its fifty large stones and 50,000 brilliants, which had been used at five preceding coronations. The Orleff diamond mounted the scepter, and the sphere holds • the finest sapphire* in the world. Their Majesties entered the Cathedral with all pomp, and took their places on the throne dais. The throne of Alexander was of carved Ivory, and that of the Czarina was of silver gilt, incrusted with diamonds, but lower in form than that of the Emperor. The imperial insignia were placed on tables in front of the throne. The metropolitan of the Novgorod advanced with the clergy t® the foot of the throne, while the clergy and the Czar repeated the Lord’s prayer. This was followed by the repetition by him of the creed of the apostle.-, as adopted by the Greek church. He then received the ermine mantle for the first time, and, it having been placed upon his shoulders, .the crown was raised upon its cushion, and the Emperor himself took it in his hands and placed it on his head. The Empress was crowned in the traditional manner, the Czar touching his own crown to her forehead, laying it aside and placing her own crown upon her brow. The announcement of the •onclusion of the ceremony was made by a salvo of artillery, followed by cheers throughout the Kremlin and ro-echoed by cheers and tinmpet blasts throughout the olty. The ceremonies were followed at once by almost innumerable banquets, the Czar's guests being much too numerous to admit of their entertainment at one meeting. The manifesto of the Czar remits all arrears of taxes np to January, 1888, and all penalties under judgment not yet enforced against persons who wer e concomed in the last Poi&h insurrection. In the evening the Kremlin, with its spires and grand cros -, was brilliantly illuminated .by many hundred electric lights, which had been especially arranged at high altitudes by riggers and sailors brought from Rega and Cronstadt. They illuminated the whole city. The cost of the coronation ceremonies trill, it is said, reach $10,001,000.

THE WHEAT BELT.

The Millers’ National Association Present Figures Covering Twenty-one States—A Shortage Indicated from the Wheat Crop of 113,000,600 Bushels. The Millers' National Association has given publicity to the wheajb-crop estimate, which promises for the whole wheat-belt of the United States only 373,500,000 bushels for 1883, indicating a prospective shortage from the 1832 crop of nearly 93,060,000 bushels in twenty-one State*, which represent nearly all the wheat-producing areas. The report is considered quite remarkable in the light of the fact that the millers are generally bears. 8. H. Seamens, Secretary of the . National Association, writes in this report: “I have only to say that it is based entirely . upon replies to my inquiries, which have been carefully tabulated, thoroughly analyzed, and the averages closely figured. In short, the conclusions are arrived at by the most careful investigation of the replies, and are given to you with the confident assurance that so far as it is possible te arrive at the probabilities of the growing -crops they are approximately correct.’* It is said that Air. Beamans sent oat 3,000 le tern He received his answers about May 15. The table is mode up by States and is of two columns, one containing wheat-crop estimates of 1882 from the United States Agricultural Department and the Becond column gives Air. Seamans’ estimates follows. ‘California •. .48,000,00 S Nebraska 15,000,000 Texas... 2,100,000 Kansas 23,000,000 Missouri. 21,400,000 lowa 18,800,000 Dakota (approximate) .18,000,000 Minnesota 87,000,000 Wisconsin 18,500,000 Illinois 25,000,000 Kb n tuoky 12,400,000 Tennessee 6,800,000 Georgia 3,800,000 Virginia 8,300,000 Maryland 9,000,000 Delaware 1,000,080 New York 10,000,000 ■ Pennsylvania 22,300,000 Ohio .....26,000,000 Indiana 29,600,000 Michigan 23,300,000

BOB’S PERORATION.

Col. IngermWs Closing Appeal to the Stdf Route Jury. Col Robert G. Ingersoll consumed six days in addressing the jury for the defense for the star-route conspiracy case. The speech is described as a very ingenious oqe, abounding in strong points in behalf of his clients. The conclusion, which had a visible effect upon court,’ jury and spectators, moving many to tears, is as follows: Now, gentlemen, the responsibility is with you. The fate of these men is in your hands. In your keep.ng is everything they love. Everything tnev hold dear is in your power. With this fearful responsibility, you nave no right to listen to the whispers of suspicion. You have no right to hearken to the promptings of fear. Beware of preju. dice. Look to the testimony alone. Be not convinced by the last argument; listen not to epithets instead of facts. Recall every argument made in this case. Put the evidence in the scale, and then have the honor ana manhood to say which scale goes down We ask from you the mercy of an honest verdict; that is all we ask—a verdict of your honesty. It is for you to say whether these defendants shall iive with honor among your fellow-citizens —whet .er they shah live in free air, or be taken from their wives, from their children, from their fireside, from all they hold most dear. It is for you to say whether they shall be clothed with honor, or with shame; whether their day shall set without a single star in all the sky of an eterned night; whether they shall be branded as criminals. After all they have suffered, after they have been pursued by a Government as no do endants before have been pursued, it is for ton to say whether their homes shall be Massed by the lightning of a false verdict You must say whether their future shall b“ one agony of jarief and tears. Nothing beneath the stars of heaven is so profoundly sad as the wreck of a'human being—nothing so profoundly mournful as a home covered with shame.' Nothing is so infinitely sad as a thing that shall cast a stain upon children yet unborn. It is for you to say whether this shall be such a verdict or one in accordance with the law and the facta The prosecution is heated with the chase; they are excited by the hunt; but will say that, in the end, "they will be a thousand times better pleased with a verdict of nob guilty than with what they ask. They would enjoy their victory; they would like success, and they would have you give to those aspirations greater weight than to homes, and wives, and children. I want a verdict that will relieve my clients from this agony of two long years; that will lift from them the cloud—a verdict that will fill their coming days and nights with joy—a verdict that will fill their minds with a sense of joy and gratitude to you, one and all.

STEAMER HORROR.

The Pilot Explodes on the California Coast—Eighteen Lives Lost. Some of the Victims Blown Inland, and Landed Lifeless on Terra Firma. I A shocking disaster is reported by tele- ; graph from San Francisco. Tito stern-wheel ■ passenger 6teamer Pilot, plying along the bay, was blown to pieces by the explosion j of one of her boilers, and fifteen of the pas- j sengers and crew lost their lives. The par- ' ticulars of the sad affair are embraced in the j following dispatches from SanFzancisco: Officers of the steamer Donahue reported that j in passing Donahue Landing they noticed the j Pilot coming down the creek in midchannel, and a few minutes afterward saw no sign of the incoming steannA A message was sent to Petaluma directing that a relief train with physicians and mm e? for the wounded be immediately dispatched i o Lakeville. When the relief train arrived the surgeons on board found little to do, as of all those ; know n and believed to be on board none but the Captain and two others (one the pilot) ! could he; found. They were discovered iin the fields, seriously injured, the I Captain the least of the three. Search was ; was made in every direction in the sand ! dams near the bank, and, one after another, i four men were found, all more or less j seriously injured- some -with an arm or leg ; broken in the fall One was but slightly in- ! jured, having fallen in long grasses Out of | these he managed to scramble on higher and | drier ground. Had he been more senously ' injured he would have been drowned by the | high tide. Last reports show that eight are | killed, seven wounded and ten missing, i Most of the latter are probably dead, but | the bodies have not yet been found. The | names of the passengers cannot be definitely i ascertained, as no names are recorded at the i points of departure. It is thought many of the passengers who k escaped scalding ' and mangling were j drowned, as the boat sank immediately after j the explosion. The explosion is attributable to defective boilers. Those persons who witnessed the explosion from the steamer Donahue, say that it was almost-^unny to see the way the smoke-stack went ftp. It seemed, as they say, to leave the vessel in advance, and shot up in the air over 810 yards, coming down • again within a few feet of the vessel. ! Matthews, late of Sonoma Mountain, on ; his way to Arizona, lost four children, and ; another will die. His wife is crazy. A BTKANGE INCIDENT. The most extraordinary incident in connection with the disaster was the finding of Mrs. George I*. AlcNear, a passenger, about a mile and a half from the Beene of the explosion. She was standing in the mud and was still alive, but unconscious. It is presumed she struggled through the mud and weeds for that distance in search of relief. She was immediately removed to Lakeville, but died a few minutes after her arrival. UNRELIABLE, BUT INTERESTING. In Brooklyn lives a girl who eats daily three pounds of candy. A Tuscan girl has gone to Join the Mexican troops now fighting the Indian?. A girl in Canandaigua swam four timei across the lake without resting once ( In Westchester county lives a beautifnl girl who has raised peventy-two broods ol chickens so far this season. Six lovely maidens of Troy, N. Y., hav« built a raft on which they intend to spend the summer floating up and down the Hudson riven A Newabk girl put an artificial rattlesnake in her Boston conßin’s room to frighten him He is now dangerously ffl with brain fever. A vebt wealthy New York girl has adopted a Japanese baby of 2 years She paid #3.00C for him, and has named him James A Garfield. , ~ A Texas girl has gone into a convent jfo l six months and given out word that she. ji dead, just to test her lover and see if he Wui marry some ©he else.

EAST RIVER BRIDGE.

The Magnificent Structure Open to Travel. One of the Greatest Engineering Feats of the Age. * The completion of the great suspension bridge over the Ea-fc river, between New York and Brooklyn, has been looked forward to with a great deal of interest all over the country, and the formal ceremonies of opening the structure to the public traffic were witnessed by an immense throng. The building of a bridge to connect the two cities was first suggested by Thomas McElrath, of the New York Tribune, nearly half a century ago. but it was not seriously entertained, however, and nothing was done then. In January, 1857, Air. John A Roebling, a Brooklyn engineer, acted on by the staeof popular leeling, suggested the con traction cf a suspension bridge, to cost $2, Oo.uOJ, with a rt aaway -0 > L-ec above high water mark, that s.iould be available both for veliic.es and pedestrians, and on on which trsins shou d run front shore to shore a: shor. in:ervtua This may be iaid to have been tho first definite proposition made. Three years later in April, iB6O, the same/ gentleman 1 1 .ted his views in the columns of the Architects' and Mechanics' Journal He then o imated the ccsi at $4,00J.00.i, a.d the annual revenue derivable from a 3-ce:it tqll, which should include the fare, over in tie cars, at th'JCO.OoO. Six years more elapsed, and then Mr. William 0. Kingsley, of Brooklyn, who had taken up tha project warmly, and who was seomued by Henry C. Murphy (sinco deceased) and Congressman William E. Robinson, began to work zealously for the accomp ishment of what many consider* i an impossible design. A bill "was int odueed into Congresß, empowering a company that had been formed to build the bridge, and it passed in March, 18(59. The work was commenced under the auspices of the company, which, like others, was at first a private corporation. But as it progressed it became evident that its cost would largely exceed the estimate. Objections were also raised to inch an undertaking being in the hands of the company. The remit was that in 1875 a bill was passed by the Legislature of this State, authorizing the cities of New York and Brooklyn to buy out the stock, the former to the extent of onethird and the latter to that of two-thirda, This arrangement was carried inte effect, and a Board of Trustees was appointed by the Mayors of the two cities,under whose direction the work has been carried eut. Opera .ions were commenced on Jan. 8, 187 o,» so that the work has gone en for nearly thirteen years and five month*. The approaches to the bridge are not yet complete, but they are soon to be. The total length of the bridge is 5,089 feet, the span between the two columns being 1,505 feet 0 inches Ion?. The summits of the towers that support the great structure are 218 feet above high water, and their foundations go down on the Brooklyn and New York sides respectively 45 and 78 feet The clear height of the bridge above high water in the center is 185 feet, the grade of the roadway is iibi feet in 100, and the width of the bridge 85 feet No less than 14,801 miles of wire were used for the cables, each single wire being 3,579 feet long. These cables, which are four in number, weigh 3,588)4 ton?. The ceremonies attending the opening of the great bridge were, under the direction of the Brooklyn authorities, and were of an imposing character. Business was generally suspended in both cities. President Arthur and his Cabinet Ministers and a large number of other distinguished persons graced the occasion with their presence, and the parading of the crack local military regiments added eclat to the affair. Gen. James Jourdan was Marshal of the day. At night there was a pyrotechnic display on the bridge, andfche public buildings of the two cities were illuminated. The completion of this grand etruoture marks another decided advance in the construction of fhls da'B of bridges, as this is the largest of its kind in the world, and probably in all material respects the most notable one. It certainly is the most remarkable one in tbi 5 country, in regard to the length of span and the amount of material used in its construction At the time of Its construction the suspension bridge built by Roebling at Niagara was regarded, with respect to its single span, its elevation above the- water, and the daring involved in its construction, as an additional wonder of the world. This was in 1855; and, however great may have been its prominence at that date, it has since become so dwarfed by greater constructions that it is now scarcely noticeable. In 18(50 the bridge at Cincinnati wss completed with a span Cf 1,057 feet, or nearly 200 feet more than the Niagara bridge, and it at one# supplanted the latter as a work of art, in the matter of magnitude. Then Roebling built the upper bridge at Niagara, with a span of 1,250 ieet, some 40u feet more than the first Niagara; and then the Cincinnati structure ! fell back to second place. And now Reebling has once more excelled himself by oon•tructiug a bridge, with a single span of | 1,(500 feet, nearly double that of hw first I work, and a third' larger than the Cincinnati j effort, I There is no suspension bridge in Europe : that is at all oomparable to any of these, 1 unless it be to the first one built by Roeb- | ling at Niagara. There is one at Fribourg ! In Switzerland, which has a span of 870 feet, | some 50 more than the Niagara span; and j there are three or four bridges of the kind in England which have spans of between ! SCO and 700 feet

NATIONAL BANKS.

Decision sf the Attorney General by Which They are Enriched. $3,000,000. [Washington Telegram.] There can be no question, of course, that the decision sf the Attorney-General in the matter of the construction of the Tax law, to the effect that National banks are not required to pay taxes after Jan. 1, last, la correct At all events, it will be the construction which the tax-collecting power will adopt The decision furnishes another illustration of the crude nature of important legislation. There prob/tbiy are very few men in the two houses who thought at the time they were voting en the Internal-reve-nue section of the bill, that the banks were te be made a favored class, and beperraitted to escape the payment of #1,000,000 in taxation. Bat there can, of course, be no question that there were no taxes due and payable on the 8d of March, when the repeal took effect Fbom Maine comes the story of a woman only 30 years old who has been struck by lightning twice, had been on the train when It was attacked by robbers once, has been apparently drowned twice, abducted twice, and met with numerous accidents with homes, and still she is hale and hearty.

THE BAD BOY.

’ ■ “See here, you coon, yon get out of here,” said the grocery man to the bad boy, as he came in the store with his face black and shining, “I don’t want any colored boys around here. White boys break me up bad enough.” “O, philopene,” said the bad boy, as he put his hajids on his knees and laughed so the candy jars rattled on the shelves. “You didn’t know me. lam the B&me boy that comes here and talks yonr arm off,” and the boy opened the cheese box and cut off a xuece of cheese so natural that the grocAy man had no difficulty in recognizing him. “What in the name of the seven sleeping sisters have you got on your hands and face?” said the grocery man, as he took the boy by the ear and turned him around. “You would pass in a colored prayer meeting, and no one would think you were galvanized. What you got up in such an outlandish rig for ?” “Well, FU tell you, if you will keep watch at the door. If you see a baldheaded colored man coming along the street with a club, you whistle, and I will fall down cellar. Tho bald-headed colored man will be pa. You see, we moved yesterday. Pa told me tp get a vacation from the livery stable, and we would have fun moving. But I don’t want any more fun. I know when I have got enough fun. Pa carried all the light things, and when it come to lifting, he had a crick in the back. Gosh, I never was so tired as I was last night, and I hope we have got settled, only some of the goods haven’t turned up yet. A drayman took one load over on the West Side, and delivered them to a house that seemed to be expecting a load of household furniture. He thought it was all right, if everybody that was moving got a load of goods. Well, after we got moved pa said we must make garden, and he said we would go out and spade up the ground and sow peas, and radishes, and beets. There was’ some neighbors lived in the next house to our new one, that was all wimmin, and pa didn’t like to have them think he had to work, so he said it would be a good joke to disguise ourselves as tramps, and the neighbors would think we had hired some tramps to dig in the garden. I told pa of a boss scheme to fool them. I suggested that we take some of this shoe-blacking that is put on -with a sponge, and black our faces, and the neighbors would think we had hired an old .colored man and his boy to work in the garden. Pa said it was immense, and he told me to go and black up, and if it worked he would' black hisself. So I went and put this burnt cork on my face, ’cause it would wash off, and pa looked at me and said it was a whack, and for me to fix him up too. So I got the bottle of shoeblacking and painted pa so he looked like a colored coal heaver. Actually, when ma saw him she ordered him eff the premises, and when he laffed at her and acted sassy, she was going to throw biling water on pa, but I told her the scheme, and she let up on pa. O, you’d a dide to see us out in the garden. Pa looked like Uncle Tom, and I looked like Topsy, only I ain’t that kind of a colored person. We worked till a boy throwed some tomato cans over the alley fence and hit me, and I piled over the fence after him, and left pa. It was my chum, and when I had caught him we put up a job to get pa to chase us. We throwed some more cans, and pa come out and my chum sorted and I after him, and pa after both of us. He chased us two blocks and then we got behind a policeman, and my chum told the policeman it was a crazy old colored man that wanted to kidnap us, and the policeman took pa by the neck and was going to club him, but pa said he would go home and behave* He was offul mad, and he went home and we looked through the alley fence and saw pa tryj ing to wash off the blacking. You see that blacking won’t wash off. Yon have to wear it off. Pa would wash his face with soap suds, and then look in the glass, and he was blacker every time he washed, and when ma laffed at him he said the oftulest words, something like ‘sweet spirit hear my prayer,’ then he washed himself again. lam going to leave my burnt cork on, ’cause if I washed it off pa would know there had been some smouging somewhere. I asked the shoe-store man how long it j would take the blacking to wear off, I and he said it ought to wear off in a | week. I guess pa won’t go out doors mufch, unless it is in the night. lam j going to get him to let me go off in the i county fishing till mine wears off, and ; when I get out of town I will wash up. ; Say, you don’t think a little blacking j hurts a man’s complexion, do you, and ! you don’t think a man ought to get mad | because it won’t wash off, do you?” “O, probably it don’t hurt the com--1 plexion,” said the grocery man, as he sprinkled some fresh water on the wilted lettuce, so it would look fresh while the hired girl was buying some, “and yet it is mighty unpleasant, where a man has got an engagement to go to a card party, as I know your pa has tonight. As to getting mad about it, if I was your pa I would take a barrel stave and shatter yonr castle scandalously. What kind of a fate do you think awaits yon when you die, anyway ?” “Well, lam mixed on the fate that awaits me when I die. If I should go off sudden, with all my sins on my head, and this burnt cork on my face, I , should probably be a neighbor to you, way down below, and they would give me a job as fireman, and I should feel bad for yon every tune I chucked in a nnther chunk of brimstone, and thought of you trying to swim dog-fashion in the lake of fire, and straining yonr eyes to find an iceberg that you could crawl up on to cool your parched hind legs. If I don't die slow, so I will have time to repent and be saved, I shall be

feasted brown. That’s what the minister jsays, and they wouldn’t pay him $2,000 a vear and give him a vacation to tell anything that was not so. I tell you, it'is painful to think of that placei that so many pretty fair average people here are going to when they die. Just think of it, a man that swears just once, if he don’t hedge and take it back, will go to the bad place. If a person steals) a pin, he is as bad os if he stole all there was in a bank, and he stands the best chance of going to the bad place. You see, if a fellow steals a little thing like a pin, he forgets to repent, ’cause it don’t seem to be worth while to make so much fuss about. But if a fellow robs a bank, or steals a whole lot of money from orphans, he knows it is a mighty serious matter, and he gets in his work repenting tab quick, and he is liable to get to the good place, while you, who have only stole a few pqjtatoes out of the bushel that you sold to the orphan asylum, will forget to repent, and you will sizzle. I tell you, tho more I read about being good, and going to heaven, the more I think a feller can’t be too careful, and from this out you won’t find a better boy than 1 am. When I come in here after this and take a few dried peaches or crackers and cheese, you charge it right up to pa, and then I won’t have it on my mind and have to answer for it at the great judgment day. I am going to shako my chum, ’cause he chews tobacco, which is wicked, though I don’t see how that can be, when the minister smokes, but I want to be ou the safe side. lam going to be good or bust a suspender, and hereafter you can point to me as a boy who has seen the folly of an ill-spent life, and if there is such a thing as a 15-year-old boy who has been a terror getting to heaven, I am the hairpin. I tell you, whon I listen to the minister tell' about the angels flying around there, and I see pictures of them purtier than any girl in this town, with chubby arms with dimples in their <elbows and shoulders, and long golden hair, and think of myself here cleaning off horses in a livery stable and smelling like an old harness, it makes me tired, and I wouldn’t miss going there for $lO. Say, you would make a healthy angel for a back street of the new Jerusalem, but you would give the whole crowd away unless you washed up and sent that shirt to the Chinese laundry. Yes, sir, hereafter von will find me as good as I know how to be. Now I am going to wash •up and help the minister move.” As the boy went out the grocery man sat for several minutes thinking of the change that had come over the bad boy, and wondered what had brought it about, and then ho went to the door to watch him as he wended his way across the street with his head down, as though in deep thought, and the grocery man said to himself, “that bo ( y is not as bad as some people think he is,” and then he looked around and saw a sign hanging ' up in front of the store, written on a piece of box cover with blue pencil, “Spoiled canned ham and tongue, good enough for church picnics,” and he looked after the boy who was slipping down an alley and said, “The condemned little whelp. Wait till J # catch him.”— Peck's Sun.

Men Under the Razor.

Of all the types seen in barbers’ shops probably the man in a, hurry is the most multitudinous. He tears open the door, glares wildly around the room at the comfortably-filled chairs, mutters a gentle imprecation, and, with a degpaiing look, fires himself out into the street again. Or, if be is not in quite so much of a hurry, he hastily examines the stage at which each patron has arrived in the tonsfiriaj. process, compares his time with his plans, asks when his turn will oome as if he didn’t know that would be as soon as the chair was empty, and finally, after fidgeting around and making everybody miserable, he leaves the shop just before “next!” is called. The thin-skinned man is a tender little body and wants the barber to be “Ol so careful,” and to play lightly over his cuticle or he may break through. And the barber selects a delicate weapon, goes only “onceover” his victim, and when he swabs him with a towel drenched in bayrum, the thin-skinned man starts and shrinks like one who is dosed with a strong hair tonic on a shampooed scalp. The Man-with-a-Tough-Skin rarely deigns to reply to the inquiry: “Does the razor suit you?” He wants to be shaved as close as Shylock, “right up to the roots,” and his stubby beard yields slowly to the best steel and with disastrous effect upon its edge. He is dreaded by the most artistic shavers, but he does not belong to a small contingent and has to brf put up with. The bald-headed man does not cost an establishment much for hair oil, but the muscular energy expended in making the top of his cranium shine like a bil-liard-ball takes off the profits. The highest degree of polish is attained by a rotary motion of the right hand wrapped in a towel while the left hand holds the victim steady. Going aslieep in the barber’s chair is the favorite habit of apoplectic individuals who are not afraid of losing flesh or blood while the tonsorial artists scrape the soap off their faces. They will nod until there is imminent dsnger of a casual ear disappearing in their blissful ignorance of their environment, and yet the papers have not recently reported any coses of fat men getting their throats out in respectable barbers’ shops. There may have been such cases that have escaped the vigilance of the reporters, but probably they were few in number. A special Providence seems to wait on fat men in barbers’ shops when they sleepily shake their heads at the agile razor as it plays around their expansive countenances.—N. Y. Times. ,