Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 May 1883 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

“Now is the time to subscribe,” said the cross-roads editor, as he led his wealthy bride to the marriage register and shoved a pen into her trembling hand. Blobson says he does wish the ladies would give up their fondness for long trains in society, and run an accommodation train once in a while—an inch above the floor, for instance. “How do you like my waffles?” asked a society belle of her guest. “Could not be nicer,” was the reply. “Did you really make these yourself?” “Oht yes indeed, I read off the recipe to the cook and turned the patent flour-sifter all myself.” First dude, with an embarrassed smile: “Say, Augustus, 1 really believe Pve broken a corset lacing. Have you an extra one with you?” Secobd dude, withan expression of horror: “Really! Why, Algernon, where could you fix it if I had one? The gyurls are all looking at us, ye know.” A young city fellow dressed in a faultless suit" and a pair of shoes which tapered to a point in the most modern style, was visiting in a rural district A bright little boy looking him all over until his eyes rested on those Shoes. He looked at his own chubby feet and then at his visitor’s and then looking up, said: “Mr., is all your toes cuttedoffbut one?”

Unfortunate little Levi: “ Why so gloomy this morning, Jacob?” “Ah, mypoorlettle Penjamin Levi—he is tead!” “Dead? You susprise me. How did it happen?” “Veil you see, my leetle Pen jamin he was at der synagogue to say his prayers, and a poy putin his head at der toor and gries; “Job Lot!" and Pen jamin—he was vas gilt in der grush.” “Dude” has been discovered to be the ablative of an irregular Latin moun “Dud” signifying brown goose. It is thus declined Singular—Dud, dudis, dudi, dudem, dud, dude. Plural—Dudes, dudium, dudibus, dudes, dudes, duibus. Being in the ablative it is so much taken away from a real brown goose. Under the homeopathic doctrine it follows that the cure of adudeisto rub him with goose grease.—[A Oakey Halt Myomatoses tumors growing in the ciliary muscles are often mistaken for ciliary staphyloma. [Louis. Medical Herald.] This is only too true; and the ignorance at the bottom of such mistakes can not be too severely reprimanded. The man who does not at once perceive that his myomatoses tumors are not ciliary staphyloma, cught, perhaps, to be permitted to live, but that he should be allowed to raise a famliy is altogether preposterous. Phrases of Women. ’ Wrinkles disfigures a woman less than ill-nature. —Dupuy. Woman is an idol that man worships until he throws it down. Women love always; when earth slips from them they take refuge in heavefi. The whisper of a beautiful woman can be heard further than the loudest call of duty. v There is no torture that woman would not suffer to enhance her beauty.—Montaigne. Of all things that man possesses, woman alone take pleasure in being possessed. —Malherbe. Before promising a womat to love only her, one should have seen them all, or should only see her. —A. Dupuy. We meet in society many beautiful and attractive women whom we think would make excellent wives—for our friends. We censure the inconsistency of women when we are the victims; we find it charming when we are the objects.—L. Desnoyers. The highest mark of esteem a woman can give a man is to ask his friendship; and the most signal proof of her indifference is to offer him hers. Men are so fearful of wounding woman’s vanity that they rarely remember that she may, by some possibility, possess one grain of common sense.—Mis e Bradden. Women among savages is a beast of burden; in Asia she is a piece of furniture in Europe she is a spoiled child.—Senac de Meilhan. It is not easy to be a widow; one must re-assume all the modesty ofj girlhood, without several hundred thousand dollars. Women of the world never use harsh expressions when •>, condemning their rivals. Like the savages, they hurl elegant arrows, ornamented with feathers of purple and azure, but with poisoned points.