Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 April 1883 — Some Liars. [ARTICLE]

Some Liars.

THE FISH LIAR Ranks first on the list He goes fishing about once in five years, and spends the rest of the time in lying about what occurred. He caught a bass weighing fourteen pounds, but the hook broke and let him escape. He had a bite from a pickerel four feet long, but he stubbed his toe and couldn’t pull up at the proper moment He began fishing with minnows for bait, but the fish bit so greedily that he finally tied a horn button to the hook and pulled ’em out as fast as he could drop the line. He caught an even tubful, but while he was eating the wharf gave away and let the tub and fish into the water. The fish liar can be fonnd •sitting on the counter at the grocery of an evening, all wound up and ready to begin business, and nothing lets the sunshine into hie life so quick as to get hold of some one who will gasp out occasionally, “My stars! but is that possible?'’ THE HORSE LIAR. Stands second on the list He ie a man who has had a horse which could go in 2:20. He hasn’t sot him now, but that doesn’t make any difference. He has driven that horse in a race with - an express train, and taken first money. And he also had a running horse which once made a dash of twenty-five miles on a bet of $5,000. He hasn’t the horse or the money at the present time, but he can give you the names of a dozen leading bank Presidents and Chief Justices who saw that dash. The horse liar doesn’t stop at lying about his own horses, but he is ready to put in his best licks on horses he never saw. He is in the confidence of the owners of all the celebrated equines. In his opinion such a track is short and such a track is long. He doesn’t believe that Barns was ever much of a horse, and he feels that he could drive Goldsmith Maid three seconds faster than she ever recorded. He is the identical man who first saw speed in Flora Temple,and if he had wanted to be mean about it he could have bought her for $lO and an old plow and made $5,000 out of the trade. He knows all about spavins, ring-bones,poll-evil, pink-eye and glanders, and he has a sure cure for each one. His seat is on the head of the second cracker barrel from the stove each evening through the winter, and when he can 'oonie across some one who has invested sls and a cross-cut saw in an old plug of a horse to use in a cider-mill he is in his glory. He knows all about that horse; been an awful good stepper; saw him run away once and killed two women; Rarey tried to tame him but had to give it up; reckon he could go out now and give most of the boys the dust. And so on until the grocer rubs his sleepy eyes, and regretfully says: “Gome, you liars; it’s time to look up and him!”