Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 April 1883 — A Bad Witness. [ARTICLE]

A Bad Witness.

Utica Observer, “Do you know ths prisoner well?” asked tiie attorney. “Never knew him sick,’'replied the witness. “No levity,” said the lawyer, sternly. “Now, sir, did you ever see the prisoner at the bar?” “Took many a drink with him at the bar.”| “Answer my question, sir,” yelled the lawyer. “How long have you known the prisoner?” “O-h, from two feet up to five feet ten inches.” u “Will the Court make the •” $“I have, Jedge,” said the witness, anticipating the lawyer; “I have answered the question. 1 knowed the prisoner when he was a boy two feet long and a man five feet ten.” “Your honor ■” “It’s a fact, Jedge; I’m under oath,” persisted the witness. The lawyer arose, placed both hands on the table in front of him, spread his legs apart, leaned his body over the table, and said: “Will you tell the Court what you know about this case?” “That ain’t his name,” replied the witness. “What ain’t his name?” “Case.” , “Who said it was?” “You did. You wanted to know what l lmew about this case. His name’s Joe Smithy “Your Honor,” howled the attorney, plucking his beard out by the roots, “will you make this man answer?” “Witness,” said the Judge, “you must answer the questions put to you.” “Land o’ Goshen, Jedge, hain’t I been

doin' it? Let the blamed cuss fire away Fm all ready.”. . „ said the lawyer, “don’t beat Mxrat the bush any s||re. and the prisoner have been friends?” “Never,” promptly responded the wit--11600. “What! wasn’t you summoned here as a friend?” “No, sir! I wa-i summoned here as a Presbyterian. Nary one of us was ever Friends. He’s an old-line Baptist, without a drop of Quaker in him.” “Stand down!’’ yelled the lawyer, in disgust. “Hey?” “Stand down.” . “Can’t do it. I’ll sit down or stand up-” “Sheriff,remove the man from the box.” Witness retires, muttering: “Well, if .he ain't the thick headest cuss I ever laid my eyes on*