Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 April 1883 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Pleasanter by far—to pay your addresses than your debts. They are now telling a story about a Chicago girl who insisted on throwing a shoe after a newly married couple. The carriage is a "total wreck, a doctor has the bride and horse under treatment, and a large number of men are searohing the ruins for the groom. The following is the,reply of a fond father, who had just received a letter from his son, a student in his own alma mater: “My dear Son—Accept my heartiest congratulations. I was engaged to the same Miss Banter when I was in college, and can appreciate the fun you are having. Go it while you are young. Your loving father.” A stylishly-dressed woman entered a Boston restaurant. The waiter handed her a bill-of-fare and said: “Please mark off the dishes you wish to order.” Could a woman in a sealskin oonfess that sheconld not real? Taking the pencil she made a few dashes, and the order read: “Dinner, 50 cents,” “February 20, 83,” “vegetables,” “please pay at the desk,” “celery,” The fiendish waiter brought her beefstake, and o'lions, and prune sauce, and she did not dare to raise a word in protest. “Please sir, there’s nothing in ther house to eat,” said Brown’s landlady. “How about the fish I sent in?” “Please, sir, the cat ’ave eat them.” “Then there’s some cold chicken—'” “Please, sir, the cat,—” “Wasn’t there tarts of some sort?” “Please, sir, the cat —” “All right, I must do with cheese and—” “Please, sir, the cat —” “Then, darn it, cook the cat, and let’s have it all at once.” The Washington Republican in figuring on the result of the next presidential election, claims 180 Northern Republican electoral votes which with the 23 electoral votes of Virginia and North Carolina, would elect the Republican candidate. We are satisfied to let things go at that, without rushing into the excitment of a big eleotion. Our Democratic friends are hard to please, and they may offer some objections. It would be just like ’em. —Norristown Herald.