Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 February 1883 — PA'S MARVELOUS ESCAPE. [ARTICLE]

PA'S MARVELOUS ESCAPE.

The Bad Boy’s K Tackles His Now Firs Escape, and Finds Cm for Vaaellna. Peck’s Bon. “Got any vaseline?" said the ted boy to the grocery man, as he went in the store one oold morning, leaving the door optn, and picked up a cigar stub that had been thrown down by the stove, and began to smoke it. “Shut that door, dum you. Was you brought up in a saw mill? You’ll freon every potato in the house. No, I haven’t got vaseline. What do you want of vaseline?” said the grocery man, as he set the syrup ksg on a chair by the stove where it would thaw out “Wan’t to rub it on pa’s legs," said the boy, as he tried to draw smoke through the cigar stub. “Why, what’s the matter with your pa’s legs? Rheumatiz?” “Wuss nor rheumatiz,’* said the boy, as he threw away the cigar stub and drew some cider in a broken tea cup “Fa has got the worst looking hind legs you ever saw. You see, Binoe there has been so many flies pa has got offal soared, and has bought three fire escapes, made out of rope with knots in them, and he has been telling ns every day how he oould rescue the whole family in case of fire. He told us to be cool whatever happened, and to rely on him. If the house got on fire we were all to rush to pa, and he would save us. Well, last night ma had to go to one of the neighbors, where they was going to have twins, and we didn’t sleep much, cause ma had to come home twice in the night to get saffron, and an old flannel petticoat that I had broke in when I was a kid, cause the ma went did not know as twins waaofc the bill of fare, and they only had flannel petticoats for one. Pa was cross at being kept awake, and told ma he hoped when all the children in Milwaukee were bora, and got grown up, she would take in her sign and not go around nights acting as usher to baby matinees. Pa says there ought to be a law that babies should arrive on the regular day trains, and not wait for the midnight express. Well, pa he got asleep, and he slept till about eight o’clock in the morning, and the blinds were dosed, and it was dark in his room, and I had waited for my breakfast till I was hungry as a wolf, and the girl told me to wake pa up, so I went up stairs, and 1 don't know what made me think of it, but I had some of this powder they make rad fire with in the theater, that me and my chum had the 4th of July, and I put it in a wash uish in the bath room, and I touched it off and hollered fire. I was going to wake pa up and and then tell him it was all right, and laugh at him. I guess there was too much fire, or I yelled to loud, cause pa jumped out of bed and grabbed a rope and sashed through the hall towards the back window, that goes out on a shed. I tried to say something, but pa ran over me and told me to save myself and I got to the back window to tell him there was no fire just as he let himself out of the window. He had one end of the rope tied to the leg of the wash stand, and, he was climbing down the back side of the shed by the kitchen, wth nothing on but his night shirt and he was the horriblestlooking object ever was, wjjih his legs flying and trying to stick his toe nails into the rope and the side of the house. I don’t think a man looks well in society with nothing on but his night shirt. 1 didn’t the hired girls for being scared when they saw pa and his tegs come down outside the window, and when they yelled I went down to the kitchen, and they said a crazy man with no clothes but a pillow case around bis neck was trying to kiok the window in, and they run into the parlor, | and I let pa in the kitchen. He asked me if anybody else was saved,and then I told him there wasn’t any fire, and he must have dreamed he was in hell, or somewhere. Well, pa was astonished, and said he must be wrong in his head, and I left'him thawing himself by the stove, while I went after his pants, and his legs were badly cliii'ed, but I guess nothin' was froze. He lays it all to ma, and says if she would stay at home and let people run their own baby shows, there would be more comftrt ic the house. Ma came in with a shawl over her head, and a bowl full of something that smelled frowy, and after she had told us what the result o her visit whs, she sent me after vaseline to rub pa’s legs. Pa says he has demonstrated that if a man is cool and collected in case of fire, and goes deliberately at work to save himself; he will come out all right”