Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 January 1883 — PLAYING MASON. [ARTICLE]

PLAYING MASON.

‘Bring Forth the Royal Bumper, and Let Him Bump.” Peck’ Bun. This week the youth tells the comer groceryman that his pa joined the Masonic order, and getting “initiated,” along 'with a rehearsal of the parent’s injunctions to him to always be good, with the prospect of being admitted to the order himself when he grew up. The idea took root at once in the bad boy’s mind. He procured a bob-tailed billy goat from a neighboring livery stable, and the subsequent proceeding will be found below, as related to the grocer: “Well, sir, my chum and me practiced with a goat until he could but a picture of a goat every time. We borried a buck beer sign from a saloon man, and hung it on the back of a chair, and the goat would hit every time. That night pa wanted to know what we were doing up in the room, and I told him we were playing lodge and improving our minds, and pa said . that was right, there was nothing that' boys did of our age half so much good as to imitate men, and store by useful nollidge. Then my chum asked pa if he didn’t want to come up and take the grand bumper degree, pa laughed and he didn’t care if he did, just to eneourage us boys in innocent pastime thhtwas so improving to our intellect We hhd-shut the goat up in a room and he had got over\blatting, so we took off the handkerchief, and he. was eating . some paper collars, and we told pa to oome up pretty soon and give three distinct raps, and when we ask him who ■comes there he must say, a ‘pilgaric who wants to join your ancient order and ride the goat’ Ma wanted to come up, too, but we told her if she came in it would break up the lodge, cause a woman ■couldn’t keep a secret and we didn’t have any side saddle for the goat Say, if you never tried it the next time you initiate a man in your Mason’s lodge you •can sprinkle a little kyan pepper on the goat just before you turn him loose. You can get three times as much fun to the square inch of goat You wouldn’t think it was the same goat Well, we got all fixed, and pa wrapped and we let him in and told him he must be blindfolded, and he got on his knees a laffing, and I tied a towel around his ayes, and then put the buck beer sign right against pa’s clothes. He was laughing all the time and said we boys were fuM of fun as they made ’em, and we told him it was a solemn occasion, and we wouldn’t permit any levity, and if he ■didnt stop laughing we couldn’t give him the grand bumper degree. Then ■everything was ready, and my chum had his hand on the closed door, and some kyan pepper in his other hand, and I asked pa in low base tones if he felt as though he wanted to turn back or if he had nerve enough to go ahead and take the degree. I warned him that it was full of dangers, as the goat was loaded for beer, and told him he had now time to retrace his steps if he wanted to. He said he wanted the whole bizness and we could <go ahead with the menagerie. Then I said to pa that if he had decided to go ahead, and not blame us for the consequences, to repeat after me the following: •“Bring forth the Royal Bumper, and let him Bump!” Pa repeated the word's and my chum sprinkled on the goat's moustache, and he sneezed once and lookbed easy, and then he see the lager beer .goat sign up, and he started for it, just like a cow-catcher, and blatted. Pa is real fat, but he knew he had got hit, and he grunted and said, ‘Hell’s fire, what you boys doing? and the goat gave him ■another degree, and pa pulled off the towel and started for the stairs, and so did the goat, and ma was at the bottom of the stairs listening, and when I looked over the bannisters pa and ma and the goat were all in a heap, and pa was yelling murder and ma was screaming fire, and the goat was blatting and sneezing, butting, and the hired girl came into the hall and the goat took after her and she crossed herself just as the goat struck her,, and said: “Howly mother, protect me!” and went down stairs the way the

boys slide down hill, with both hands on herself, and the goat refired up and blatted, and pa and ma went into their room and*fihut the door and then my chum and me opened the front door and drove the goat out. The minister who comes to see ma three times a week, was just ringing the bell, and the goat thought he wanted to be initiated too, and he gave him one for luck, and then went, down the* sidewalk blatting and sneezing, and the minister came in the parlor and said he was stabbed, and then pa came out of the room with his suspenders hanging down, and he didn’t know the minister was there and he said cuss words, and ma cried and told pa he would go to hell sure, and pa said he didn’t care; he would kill that kussid goat afore he went, and I told pa that the minister was in the parlor, and he and ma went down and said that the weather was propitious for a revival, and it seemed .as though an outpouring of the spirit was to be vouchsafed to His people; and none of them sat down but ma, ’cause the goat hadn’t hit her, and while they were talkin’ religion with their mouths, and kussin the goat inwardly, my chum and me adjourned the lodge, and I. went and stayed with him all night, and I hain’t been home since. But I don’t believe pa will lick me, ’cause he said he would not hold us responsible for the consequences.. He ordered the goat himself, and we filled the order, don’t you see? Well, I guess I will go and sneak in the back way and find out from the hired girl how the land lays. She won’t go back on me, ’cause the goat wasn’t loaded for hired girls,she just happened to get in at the wrong time. Good by, sir. Remember and give the goat kyan pepper in your lodge.”

Getting Ready for Spring.

Agriculturist. A light and warm workshop is a good investment. Men and boys cannot be expected to do much work if their fingers are numbed with cold, but if a suitable place and proper facilities are provided, the stoimy days of winter may be turned to good account Among the needed preparations for spring is putting the implements in good order. Not merely the mowers and other costly implements, but even the hoe and spade will do better work if properly, ground. All iron and steel tools and parts of machines can be readily preserved by the use of a mixture of lard and rosin, melted together (an ounce of rosin to a pound of lard), and stirred while cooling. 'This may be applied by means o| a rag, or better, by a swab, made by winding a bit of cloth around the end of a stick. Only a light coating is needed, and this is more readily applied if the article be warm. If the woodwork of machines was originally painted, it is well to repaint when necessary, but if it was merely oiled, use linseed oil again. For wood that has not been painted or oiled, crude petroleum, (several applications to saturate the wood) is an excellent preservative. Where there are many small tools, such as the trowels, hand-forks, etc., it is well to paint a portion of the handles a bright red. Such affairs are quite apt io be left where last used, or dropped in'going from place to place. The red makes them very conspicuous, and will often save much hunting. Besides repairing, various garden conveniences may be made. Markers of various widths are useful, though it is quite as convenient to have a marker so arranged that it will'serve for several distances. The bead of the marker should be a pitoe of scantling, and the teeth of hard wood. Placing one row of teeth 9 inches apart, and the teqth of the other row a foot apart, will allow, by the use of every mark, or everyother one* rows at four different distances to be made, 9, 12, 18, and 24 inches. A good wooden reel for the garden line is much more useful than the poorly made iron ones so often sold. It is well to have ready the bbxes for raising plants from seeds, either in the house or in the hot bed. Those for the window may be a foot wide, three inches deep, and of a length corresponding to the vrindow frame. Those for use in the hot beds are most cheaply made from the boxes in which starch, soap and other articles are purchased. These can be bought, when empty, at a low price, ‘and by cutting them in halves two may be made from each, the cover forming the bottom of one of then}. Boxes without either top or bottom, with mosquito netting tacked on in place of the ‘•over, are of great service in keeping insects from melon and other vines.

Birds and Telegraph Wires.

New York Star. At a recent meeting of the Electrotechnic Society of Berlin Herr Massman read a paper on some observations which he had made on the Imperial telegraph lines at the instance of the Secretary of the Postoffioe. He found that in districts where there are no trees,the smaller birds of prey, such «s crows and magpies, are very fond of roosting on telegraph poles, while sparrows, starlings and swallows frequently alight on them in great numbers. This leads to a fouling of the wires with excrement until they look as if they were plastered. The soil has, however,no

damaging effect, as the rain washes it offi unless, indeed, the acid excrement tends to the decay of the wooden poles. Swallows like to build under the eaves, where wires run into telegraph offices,and sometimes cause an “earth” contact Contacts between wire and wire are frequently caused by large birds, such as bustards, storks, swans and wild ducks. They cause the wire to swing and sometimes to break. Accidents of this kind were frequent when the wires ran by highroads, along which young geese were driven to their pastures. Smaller birds, even partridges, are generally killed by the shock of striking the wires. They do not danse much damage to the wires. Holes are often pecked through the poles by woodpeckers (the Pica martins, or black woodpecker; the P. veridis, or green woodpecker, and the P. major, or piebald woodpecker). These birds spare no kind of wood, unprepared pine and oak poles, as well as poles treated with sulphate of copper, chloride of zinc, or sublimate of mercury. Some even state that they will attack oreosoted poles. The theory that the birds mistake the vibration of the wires in the poles for insects humming is doubted by Herr Massman, who declares that they often find insects in the dry poles.

A London Fog.

London Letter New York Times. It is better to be “fogged up” in London than “snowed up” in this country. I say this on the immediate experience of the moment Escaping from a half-buried railroad train between Sheffield and Manchester, I am writing tins letter in the midst of a genuine rich old brown London fog. It is Sunday, and we sholdhave gone to church if we could have walked or driven there. But all traffic is stopped. The house abuts on Regent’s Park, but we cannot see the trees, though we know they are over the way. There is a small garden in front and another at the back. We can see something like the outline of the gates belonging to each. The roads in front and rear are still as death, quiet as the snow-drifts I have left between Sheffield and Manchester. The omnibuses are not running; there are no cabs; the world so far as we know it is in total darkness. The fog is to-day everywhere, even in the house. It has come through the key-holes and under the doors; it makes a halo round the lamp; I can smell it and taste it A certain English writer says if upon the stage you show the audience a palpable mutton chop you must tell them that it is a muttton chop, and then to make sure that you have conveyed this fact to their inner consciences,you must 1« t them smell it In order that the American reader may realize what an out and out London fog is, let me tell him that it is not only darkness that can be seen and felt, but can be smelled and tasted. While I have been writing this- paragraph the garden gates have wholly disappeared, so, also, has the very window sill; it is utterly dark, the window frames are opaque with the fog; the room is lighted with all the poyrer of fires and gas, and yet the very atmosphere is foggy. I have a large experience of this metropolitan phenomenon, but it is darker to-day at 3 o’clock, when the sun should be shining, than it has ev er been in my memory. It is not difficult to realize the possible death of the great city in a fog like this—a never-ending night I have just been in the street,feeling my way a dozen yards. But for the lights in the windows of neighbors’ dwellings, London appears to be really and truly dead. Distant cries of persons trying to guide each other through the abnormal night are heard. Many persons will pray unavailingly for life to-day; the young ahd the aged suffering from chest diseases and pulmonary complaints will die of the fog, literally*choked. And yet a few miles away, we know that the sun is shining, for morning broke here clear and frosty, and we shall hear in the papers tomorrow that an hour by rail from London the air was crisp and bright, wintry, perhaps, but bracing and with a blue sky.

Mrs. Garfield at Home.

Cleveland Letter. Mrs. Garfield is now living in her new home in Cleveland—a plain, unpretentious, but cheery and attractive home. The mother of the late President and the wife of Dr. Boynton are spending the winter with her. She is said to be now looking much better than she has since her bereavement, although mai ks of age* care and sorrow are fixed upon her face. She is often visited by artists competing for the SIO,OOO prize offered by the Ohio Legislature for the best bust of Garfield, who seek her approval of the work. When one of them called on her a few days ago, writes a correspondent who accompanied him, Mrs. Garfield gave the bust a quick, sidelong glance* and then approaching it closer looked at it steadily, and in a most critical. manner, for several moments. Then she spoke: “It looks more like Stanley Matthews,” and then after another inspection: “No, I can’t say it resembles the General to any great extent,” and the disappointed artist sadly withdrew.

At a fashionable welding in Boston the floral piece suspended over the brida couple was a yoke. .