Rensselaer Republican, Volume 15, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 September 1882 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Homeward bound—The tethered goat. It is the late cat that catches the early bootjack. ' Wanted —An artist to paint the very picture of health. Go to the butoher’s if yen would hear joint debates. When 10-cent pieces again become fashionable as artioles of jeweby every man can wear a dime-and-pin. Julia Ward Howe says women do not fall in love any more. Perhaps not, but they contiuue to have all the symptoms. * Some men wear their beat trousers out in tho knees in winter getting religious, ami jt he seats of their pants out in summer backsliding. Though the telephone has superseded the telegraph to a certain extent, yet the average woman still continues to faint away upon receipt of a telegram. A stranger in a printing-office asked the youngest apprentice what his rule of punctuation was. Said the boy; “I set up as long as I oan hold my breath, and then I put a comma; when I gape, I insert a semi-colon; and when I want to Bneeze, I make a paragraph.” “Why do they call him a brakeman ?" asked the child, after that excellent official had looked in at the oar door and “hollered” one of the lamps out. “What does he break?” “He breaks the silence.” said the father, and the train rolled on, laden with truth.— Burdette. A little boy was once charged by his father, who was a carpenter, to grind his edge tools during his absence. The little fellow worked like a dutiful son, and on his father’s return said: “Pa, I have ground all the tools, as you told me to do, and have them all in good Order except the handsaw. I have not yet quite got all the gaps out of it.” A philosopher inadvertantly remarks: “Waiting for a man to come home from a lodge is dull business for a lively woman.’’ This is important, if true; but a lively woman is too sensible to do any such foolish thing. She just bolts the front door before retiring, and lets the man wait until she gets ready to let him in. We speak advisedly, brethren.— New York Commercial Advertiser. The boy stood near the mole’s hind legs, With utmost confidence— Although no more he’ll look M sweet, He’ll nave a deal more sense. THE LITTLE KAIBBN. Her feet were exquisitely sash (How wildly my heart used to beat, When I was a passionate bey, At the sound of her dehiiate test#-; Her hand was exquisitely small (And I, her blind slave to oonunand. Would have died had she only ordered With a wave of her little white hand 1); Her lips were exquisitely small (Their cold words yet rankle and smart), Exquisitely small was her head. But smaller than all was her heart! —New York Sun. A little Austin girl, about 10 yean of age, attended a child’s party not long since. When she came home her mother asked her how many little girls there were at the party. “Guess how many.” “Ten?” “Guess again.” “Twelve?" “No. you are off your feed, nia, entirely. There were bo little girls (here at all, but there were quite a number of young ladies present,” replied “the young lady,” scornfully. The climate is said to be to blame for the excessive precocity which has become epidemic among the babes and sucklings. —Texas Siftings. “Hello! coming out of a pawnshop? What have you been doing there?” The party accosted, with confusion—“O, you see, I thought I’d go in and haye "my watch—ah—valued. You see yon can get a more accurate estimate in that way than in any other.” About three weeks later the same parties meet under similar circumstances: “Ha, been getting yonr watch valued again?” “Well —a—yes 1 I saw from the stock-market news that there has been a readjustment of values, and so I thought I’d see how it affected my wateh.” “No, am,” said a Comstock (Nev.) barber to a suspicious-looking transient customer, who affably remarked, as the lather was being laid on, that he supposed there were a great many men who failed to pay their shaving scores. “No, sir, I used to give credit, but I never do it now—in fact, nobody ever asks for tick any morp.” “How’sthat?” “Well, you see,” said the barber, trying the edge of his razor on his thumb nail, “I had a set of stiffs who used to ask me to chalk it down. I got tired of keeping books, and I adopted a new system. Whenever I shaved one of these old standbys I put a Hick in his nose with mv razor, and kept tally in that way. They got so they didn’t want to run bills.” There was a tremor in the customer’s voice, as he asked from beneath the lather: “Do von object to being paid in advance?*^