Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 July 1882 — FULL OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

FULL OF FUN.

A note about the Senate: An executive session is one in which to do nothing said keep it sly. j“Please keepoffthe grass:” Walt, Whitman’s “Leaves o'* Grass” is some of the grass that people are directed to keep off of. A point weU token: Many a selfmade man .would hove done better by himself bad he let the contract out to somebody else. Breeding: In a horse car”—Campbell, my dear follow, don’t show good breeding toward the ladies, or folks Will think you came from the country.” Fogg at the theatre: “H’im!” ejaculated Fogg. “So they say this play is taken from life ? I should say rather that the life is taken from the play.” Electrical: “It is hardly fair in you to steal my thunder,” as the olond remarked to the lightning rod. “Oh, I shall draw it mild,” the rod replied. Cooked his own goose: “Mr. D.. if fou’ll get my ooat done by Saturday shall be forever indebted to you.’’ “If that’s your game it won’t be flone,” said the tailor. Didh*ttalk United states: Student, fresh from college, to conductor: “I wish to get on the penultimate car*.” Conductor: “We have no peanut oar: you can take the smoker.” Nautical; “Isn’t this cheese a life, tie old?” asked the customer of the grocery clerk. “I don’t know,” answered the boy, “I’m only a passenger here. You must ask the skipper.” Musical: “You are as full of airs as a music box,” is what a young man said to a girl who refused to let him see her home. “That may be,” was the reply, t*but I dont go with a crank.” / Superstition: “Do you believe In Signs?” asked the shopkeeper. “WeU, yes, I used to,”eaid Fogg, “but sinoe you placed in tne window. ‘Selling for lessthan cost,’ I have weakened considerably.”

Well taken: “le the point well taken?” asked a member of the convention. “GewhUiikenß, yes!” shouted a member near by, springing to his feet. Some one had left a pin with a view to just such a coincidence. Hard-pan logic: Physician—“ And is that all you. are going to give me—twenty mark* for forty visits?” Miser—“l should think that was enough. You must consider that if I hadn’t been sick you wouldn’t have had anything.” Our navy: Philadelphia mothers now ieli-their youngsters that if they are right good little boys until the bicentennial celebration this fall they Mill take them down to tips river bank and let them play with the United States navy. Theological reflection: “ Yep, sah,” said Brufider Johnsing, “of de descendants of de rooster what crowd at Pater was to make a noise ebery time a lie is told der would be such a noise in de world dat yer couldn’t heah de hens cackle.” A little learning: £mall boy: “Please, sergeant, can I have a near M&r w* “Because, the latter baU is torn out.” Sergeant : I kno# you fellers in the second form ain’t got so far as all that in the dictionary.” . What he was suffering from: “Poor man,’ f exclaimed the physician as he approached the patient’s said man. “Her name isn’t neuralgy, it’s Sophia, and we’ve only been married six months.”

Granger statistics: A promident granger from Onion Creek was in Austin yesterday. Desiring to obtain some reliable figures about the oat crop we asked him if hie could tell us precisely how many acres he had in oats ana how many bushels he raised to the acre. I can’t give you the precise figuies, but I raised aheap sold right smart and I’ve got a powerful lot left. Undoubtedly in: “Is Mr. Vanderbilt in?” asked a gentleman of a person who was lounging at the entrance of the officers’ apartment at the Grand Central Depot, New York.' The latter regarded his interrogator with a look of mingled pity* and contempt as he answered: “In? Well, I should say so. Lake Bhore stock was 98 three weeks ago and now it’s 112. He’s in about |500,000 if he’s in a cent.” Correspondent answered: “Edward Athelwald” wants to know what is meant by the expression, “damned with faint praise.” Well, Edward, when a gentle-hearted editor, dipping his pen in nectar, says of the journalist at tbe head of the opposition sheet that “in p”lnt of editorial abl ity and general intelligence he divides honors with a Little Neck clam,” that, Edward is “damning him with faint praise.” A matter of wind: At a German church a new oraganist had been engaged who was fond of adding some improvisations to everypiece he played . On the first Sunday when he bad finished the “Gloria,” he wished to add a few bars es his own, but the blower suddenly ceased to work. ,‘Go on,” the organist dried, angrily, 'don’t yoq see I astill playing?” “Playing, indeed’ said the blower. “I have been In this business for the last tnirty years and I know just exactly how much wind is required for a ‘Gloria.’ Ides’tees why you should have any more than your predecessor.’