Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 June 1882 — To Cnre "Mashers." [ARTICLE]

To Cnre "Mashers."

The lady has only to cast her eyes modestly down and fix her gaze intently on the feet of the mashers. The glance at the feet should be concentrated, yet full of pity, and should linger slightly as the lady passes by. Instantly the whole platoon of mashers are affected by a profound distrust. The sympathetic look strikes terror to their souls. They all cast down their eyes, and look at their own feet The horrible fear that their shoes are not in the latest stylo tikes possession of their bosoms. Each One is smitten with tlx) conviction that his foot is abnormally spacious; he becomes conscious of multitudinous protruding corns and bunion?; his shoes, peradventure, are muddy or dusty, or something has gone wrong with the set of his trousers at the ankle. The stoutest lah-de-dah collapses at the mere possibility of sucli a thing—his nerve is gone. The eyeglass falls from his eye, tuo arms lose their kimbo; he feels that his pantaloons are cupped at the knees, and that his coat is fnll of misfits and wrinkles; ho suspects the cleanliness of his stockings, shudders at the thought that the solo and upper leather have parted company, revealing that painful fact. He even flies to some secluded spot and makes a protracted investigation before he can satisfy himself that all is right; And even then his nerves do not recover their tone. He is liable to be again panic-stricken. A glance of pity mingled with a slight smile cast at his feet will l-enew and aggravate all his paralytic symptoms. j The masher, the lah-de-dah, the lumtum, like all other creatures, have their weak spots. To prevent a hog from rooting, slit his nose; to keep a jackass from braying, weight down his tail; to keep a masher from mashing, gaze sadly at his feet. ... i