Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 March 1882 — SPRING FOOLISHNESS. [ARTICLE]

SPRING FOOLISHNESS.

Last summer thft English dog-cart wlnt “ “ * “There’s music in the heir •” sorrowyoung hußb »nd, as he reached for the paregoric bottle. Never go into a newspaper office to shoot the editor. If you do, you had better take your coffin along. Sweet Evilina from the suffocatiM embrace of her lover cried out: “Give me liberty or give me breath.” ■ Plump girls are said to be going out of fashion. If|thiß is true, the plumper the girl the slimmerherchances. A party of San Juan rapehers made a bonfire of an Apache Indian, and the coroner’s jury returned a verdict of “overcome by heat.” Old Deacon Dobson always boasted that he was “prepared for the worst,” and his neighbors thought he got it when he married his second wife. Run over himself: The best description we have ever heard of a slow man was that he Was too slow to get out of his own way. A Wisconsin man, while sitting up hugging his girl, received a telegram stating that he had fallen heir to a fortune. See what a man gets for being generous with his hugging. An lowa girl husked fifty-one busho, 8 i of i , co £? tr one Bitti ng, and the Philadelphia News meanly says: “It is astonish much husking a girl can get through with when searching for red ears.” .One of the gallery gods writes to a New York paper complaining of the admission to the gallery of Wallack's of a man who wore a dress coat. Perhaps it was a poor waiter who had no other garment. Old saying: “I have divided my subject,” began the parson, “into two heads. ” “Two heads with but a single thought,” whispered Fogg to Mrs. F., and then closed his eyes for his usual nap. “Did you get that girl’s picture, Brown? You remember, you said you were bound to have it.” “Well, not exactly,” replied Brown; “I asked her for it and she gave me her negative.” ° “I thought, Miss S., that you hated that flirty minx. Yet you went up and kissed her.”. Miss B.—“ I do hate her and that is why I did it. Look at the big freckles on her cheek where I kissed the pbwder off.”

Fritz has been hunting up the pedigree of Dr. Tanner, the celebrated hungry man, and finds he is of very ancient lineage. The forty-third verse of chapter nine, Acts of the Apostles, reads: “And it came to puss that he tarried many days with one Simon A. Tanner.” % A lecturer wrs explaining to a little girl how a lobster cast his shell when he had outgrown it. Said he: What do you do with your clothes when you have outgrown them? You ca3t them aside, don’t you?” “Oh no,” replied the little one, “we let out the tucks.”

One of the Oscar Wilde agonies: A new agony is for a young lady to buy a thirty-six ceut tambourine, paint a sunflower in one corner of it and a pond lilly in another, and hang it upon the wail as a decoration. Tnis signifies, “Art and music have joined hands, let ’em jingle.” Minnie wants to know who sets the fashions. Weil, we don't want to boast dear, or appear unduly conceited, or that sort of thing, but the fashion of wearing a spring overcoat, flavored at the elbows with benzine clear through the Christmas holidays, and along into next February we set that one ourself. We don’t know who set'the Jothers as that is the only one we are deeply interested in. Aftfoolish old woman, being one evening at a party was greatly at a loss for something to say. At length she ventured to inquire of a gentleman who sat next to her wbetfier his mother had any children. The genman politely pointed out the absurdity of her inquiry. “I beg pardon,” exclaimed the old lady, perceiving her mistake; “you don’t understaed I wish to inquire whether your grandmother had any children.” In a country place in North Carolina some time after the war, they elected as justice of the peace an old white-haired negro, honest and wellliked. His first case was ajury trial. After the pleading was over, the counsel informed his honor that he could charge the jury. “H’m. Charge fj®. J ur y?” ‘‘Yes, your honor.” Wal, gemmen ob de jury, it ’pears ue case am trew, and 1 got to close it wid de charge, considerin’ de ’sperlence you liab got. I tink I will charge you two dollar and half ’piece.”

Making the best of it: Miss Fitzyoy arose and drawing aside the drapery from the window looked out upon the grass, brown with age, and the ground, stiff with half frozen mud. “Would that pa had sold his ice business last fall,” she murmured, as she observed only the veriest skimming on the gutter. “But perhaps it Is for the best. This weather will drive dear George out of the plumbing business into some more lucrative calling.” And with a young girl’s hope for the best pervading her sour, she skipped down stairs to buckwheat cakes and cofTee, wreathed in smiles. —Polly: “Well. Pat, what is it now? Would you rather look a bigger fool than you are, or be a bigger fool than you look?” Pat: “Sure, now, my darlint, I'll be both till out which side of the argimint yer on yerself when, bejabers! I’ll join ye, right or wrong.”