Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 February 1882 — Some New Geography. [ARTICLE]

Some New Geography.

[Detroit Free Press.] “Us what is the surface of tl e eirth composed?’’ ‘‘Of corner lots, mighty poor roads, railroad tracks, base ball grounds, cricket fields and skating rinks.” “What portion of the globe is water?” “About three-fourths. Sometimes they ad i a little gin and nutmeg to it.” “ What is a town ?” “A town is a considerable collection of houses and inhabitants, with four or five men who ‘run the party’ and lend money at fifteen per cent, interest.” “What is a city?” “A city is an incorporated town,with a Mayor who bdievfs that the whole world shakes when he happens to fall Aar on a cross walk.” “What is commerce?” “Borrowing $5 for a day or two and dodging the lender for a year or two.” “Name the different races.” “ “Horse race, boat race, bycicle race, and racing around to find a man to indorse your uo’e.” “Into how many classes is mankind divided?” “Six; being enlightened, civilized, half-civilized, savages, too utter, not worth a cent, and Indian agents.” “What nations are called enlightened?” “Those which have had the most wars and the worst laws and produced the worst criminals.” “How many motions has the earth?” “That's according to how you mix your drinks and which way you go home” * “What is the earth’s axis?” “The lines passing between New fork and Chicago.” 1 “What causes day and niuht?” “Day is caused by night getiiug tired out. Night is caused by everybody taking the street car aud going home to supper.” “What is a map?” “A map is a drawing to show the Jury where Smith stood when Jones gave him a lift Under the eye.” “What is a mariuer’s Compass?” “A jug holding four gallons.”