Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 February 1882 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

Maud Muller on a Winter’s dav Went out upon tne tee to play. BeneatnA er he* looks - >Of rad bangadnair, and her crftnso*locks. She straddled about from ten to tw«, And the* a hole in the toe, fell through. * -K.. % ilk On the bottom of the pond she sat As wet and mad as a naif drowned’ rat. A man with a hiexory pole went there. And Ashed her out by her auburn hair. 1 Her mother Is said to have banged her well Though just how hard Miss Maud won’t tell * 1 And hung her O’fer a stovepipe to dry, Witha thumb in her mouth, a flat In her eye. Alas! for the maiden; alas! for the hole, And ’rah for the man with hickory pole. For the truest words of tongue or pen, Are a “skating girl’s like a headless hen.” When you want to get right down to solid taffy for a comedian; say he is as funny as a Philadelphia death notice. Patrick comes to the morgue to claim a lost relative. “Has he any peculiarity by which he can be recognized?” “Yes, he i 3 dumb,” Sympathetic: “I feel for you deeply,” said the hungry man, probing about in hi 9 soup bowl for a stray oyster. A lady who suffered from phthisis. When asked by her lover for kbthisis, Hald, ‘ I’ve such a cough You had better go ough And be courting some healthier mhthsis.” “The second cousins ot tbe corpse will please come forward and take their places,” loudly called the sexton on one occasion. “The lateral branches of the corpse,” said another, “will now join the procession.” So you enjoyed your visit to the museum, did you?” inquired a young man of his adored one’s little sister. “Oh yes! And do you know we saw a camel there that screwed its mouth and eyes around awfully; and sister said it looked like you when you are reciting poetry at evening parties.” “How are you and your wife coming on?” asked a Galveston man of a colored man. “She has run me oft, boss.” “What’s the matter?” “I is to blame, boss. I gave her a splendid white silk dress, den she got so proud she bad no use for me. She’lowed T was too dark to match de dtess.” Oh, I suppose be loves Sarah, and would be glad to marry her,” she was saying to the woman iu the postoffice corridor, yesterday; “but I duuno.” “Isn’t he a nice young man?” asked the other. “Well, he’s nice enough, but very reckless with his money. At Christijms time he made us a present of a French clock for tbe parlor, aud there’s not one of in the house cau speak a word of French!” “You may talk about your meau men,” said one rustic to auother on the ferryboat jhe other day; “but we have got a woman over there in Alameda who takes the pie.” “Kinder close —is she!” “Close! Why, last month her husband died—fourth husband, mind—and I’m blamed if sbe didn’t take the door-plate off the front door, had his age added,and then nailed it onto She said she guessed likely she’d be wanting a new name on tbe door soon anyway.” A Deadwood man advertises his wife as follows: “My wife Sarah has shook the ranch, when I didn’t do a darn thing to hur, an’ I want it distinctly understood that any man that takes hur in an’ keers for hur on my account will get himself pumped so full of lead that some tenderfoot will locate him for a mineral claim. If she runs hur face for goods I won’t put up for hur, an’ He lick the sou-of-a-toruado that takes a stand-off even for the drinks. A word to the wise is sufficient, an’ orter work on Tools too.” Rev. Dr. McCo-sh, of Princeton College, tell a story of a negro who prayed earnestly that he and his colored brethren might be preserved from their upsettin’ sins. ‘“Brudder,” said one of his friends at the close of themeeting, “you ain't got de hang ob dat ar word. It’s'besettin’.not upsettiu’.”“Brudder,” replied the other, “if dat’s to it’s so. But I was prayeu’ de Lord to save us from de sin ob ’tox'catiou, an’ es dat ain’t an upsettin’ sin I dunno wbat am.” Pathetic love story: “It is the first time you ever repulsed me. Edith, and it shall be the last,” said young DeCourcey, (as he arose, haughtily, and moved toward the door. “Stay!” cried she, piteously, as if her heart wool d break; we “must not part ip anger.” “Well,” he rejoined, half penitently, “what shall I do?”Oh, Gus, aon’tblame me,” she exclaimed, with a perceptible shiver; “my neck is very sensitive. I stood it as long as I could. Go aud warm your nose.