Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 February 1882 — A BASHFUL MAN. [ARTICLE]

A BASHFUL MAN.

Mv father was a farmer of no small property, with no o:her learning than what he had acquired at a charity school, but my mother being dead, and I an only child, he determined to give me that advantage whioh he fancied would have made bin! happy—a learned education. I was therefore sent to a grammar school at G——, and from thence to Cambridge, with a view of qualifying me for holy orders. Here, having but a small allowance from my father and being naturally of a timid and bashful disposition, I had no opportunity of rubbing oft that native awkwardness which was destined to came me so much misery. In my person lam tall and thin, with a fair complexion and light flaxenhair, but of suen extreme susceptibility to shame that on the slightest subject of confusion, my blood all rushes into my cheeks and‘l appear a perfect “full blown rose.”

The consciousness of this failing made me avoid society, and I became enamored of a College life. I had determined on living at the University and taking pupils, when two unexpected events grehtly altered the posture of my affairs, namely, my father’s death and the arrival of an uncle from the East Indies. This uncle I had seldom heard my father mention; and it was generally believed that be was long since dead; when he arrived only a week too late to close his brother’s eyes. I confess (what I believe has been often experienced by those whose education has been better than that of their parents) that my father’s ignorance and vulgar manners had often made me blush to think I was bis son; and at his death I was not inconsolable for the loss of that which I was not unfrequently ashamed to own. My uncle, too, was but little affected, tor he had been separated from his brother. for more than thirty years, and in that time he had acquired a fortune of £80,000; and upon this be built his hopes of neverending happiness. But while he was planning schemes of greatness and delight, whether the change of the climate affected him, or what other cause I know not, be was snatched from all his dreams of joy by a short illness, of which‘.he died, leaving me heir to all his property. Tiius was I, at the age of twenty-live, possessed of an ample fortune, and well stocked with Latin, Greek and mathematics. But these advantages were more than counterbalanced by my awkward habits and by my total ignorance of the usages of refined society. I now purchased a fine estate in a fashionable district, and my company was much courted by those of my neighnors who possessed marriageable daughters. From these gentlemen I received familiar calls and the most pressing invitations, and, though I wished to except their poffered friendship, I repeatedly excused myself under pretense of not being quite settled; for the truth is that, when I have sallied out, either on horseback or on foot, with lull intention of returning their several visits, my heart failed me as I approached their gates, and I have frequently returned homeward, resolved to try it again to-morrow.

However, I at length determined to conquer my timidity, and accept an invitation to dine on a certain day with one whose open, easy manner left me no room tofaoubta“cordial,welcome.Sir Thomas Burton, who resides about two miles di-ttaut, is a Barouet, with an estate of about two thousand a year joining to that I hud purchased. He had two sons and five daughters, all grown upand livinar with their mother and a maiden sister ot Sir Thomas, at Burton Hall, dependent cm the father. Conscious of my unpolished gait, I had been for some time past taking private lessons from a Professor who teaches “grown gentlemen to dance;” and, although 1 at first found wondrous difficulty in the art he taught, mv knowledge -of mathematics was of prodigious me in teaching me the equilibrium of rn.\ body, and the due adjustment of 11ib center of gravity to the five positions. Having now acquired the art of walk tug without tottering, and learned to make a bow, I boldly ventured to accept the Baronet’s kind invitation to a family dinner, not doubting that my new acquirements w< old enable me 'to see the ladies with loiu'aWe ity.

As I approached the h -se, the dinner bell alarmed my fen r i lost I bad spoiled the dinner hy ; ■ w-ms of punctuality. Impress ' iis idea, I blushed the deepest ciiumon, as my name was rejieatedly announced by the servants who ushered me into the library, scarcely knowing woat or who I saw. At my enterance I summoned all my fortitude, and made my new learned bow to Lady Burton, but unfortunately bringing back my left foot to the third position I trod upon the gouty toe of poor Sir Thomas, who had followed closely at my heels to be the noraeuclator of the family. The confusion this occasioned to ine is hardly to be conceived, since none but bashful men can judge of my distress; and of that description, the number. I believe, is very small, indeed. The Baronet’s politness bys degree dissipated my concern ;and the cheerfulness of her ladyship, joined to the familiar chat of the young ladies and their

brothers, insensibly led me to throw off my resetve and sheepishness; till at length 1 ventured to join the conversation and even to start fresh subjects. The libary in which we were seated being richlv furnished with books in elega’nt bindings, I conceived that Sir Tnomas was a man devoted to literature, and ventured to give my opinion recpectihg the several editions of the Greek classics, in which Sir Thomas’ ideas entirely coueided with my own. While talking on the subject my attention was directed to an edition of X enophon, in sixteen volumes, which, as I had never heard of such a thing, greatly excited my curiousity, and 1 rose up to see what it could be.

The barnonet saw.whatl was about, apd, as I supposed,willing to save me trouble, rose to take down, the volrmee, which made me more eager to prevent him, and hastily laying my baud on the first volume, I pulled it forcibly;, but lo! instead of books a beard, which the book-binder’s art had b»en made to look like sixteen volumes, came tumbling down, and unluckily pitched upon an ink-stand on the table under it. In vain did Sir Thomas assure me there was no harm; I saw the Ink streaming from a beautiful inlaid table on the splendid Turkey carpet, and, scarce knowing what I did, attemptedto stop its progress with my white pocket-hankerobief. In the height of this confusion we were informed that dinner was served up; and I, with, joy then understood that the bell which at first had bo alarmed my fears was only the half-hour dinner-bell. In walking through the ball and suite of apartments to the dining room, I had time partially to collect my scattered senses and desired to take my seat between Lady Burton and, her eldest daughter at the table. Since the fall of the wooden Xenophon, my face had been oontlnurally burning like a fire-brand; and I was just beginning to recover myself, and to t feel comforts bly cool, when.an unlooked-for aoc dmt rekindlecfall my blushes. Having set my plate of soup too near the edge of the table, in bowing to M ins Diuab, who politely complimented me od the pattern of my waist-coat, [discharged the whole scalding contents into my lap.ln spite of an immediate-supply of napkins to wipe the surface of my “clothes, my trousers were not strong enough to save me from the painful effects of this sudd an fomentation, and for some minutes my legs and thighs seemed in a boiling ealdrouv At last,wheoJtbepaiu brgan to abate I managed to bear it in silence, and sat with my lower extremities parboiled, amid the stifled giggles of the servants. I will not inflict upon my reader a relation of aU the blunders which I made during the first course, by spilling a sauce-boat, upsetting a salt celler, etc.; rather let me hasten the second course, when fresh disasters quite overwhelmed me. I had a piece of rich sweet pudding on my fora, when Miss Louise Button begged to trouble me for a pigeon that stood near me. In my haste, I wbip?ed the hot pudding into my mouth, t was impossible to conceal my agony, my eyes were startling from their sockets. At last, in spite of shame and resolution, I was compelled to drop the cause of torment on my plate. Bir Thomas, his sons and the ladies all compassionated my misfortune,and each advised a different application. One recommended oil, another water, but ail agreed that wine was the beat for drawing out the beat, and a glass of sherry was ordered me; hut ohlhow shall I tell the sequel? Whether the butler by accident mistook, or purposely designed, to drive me mad, be gave me pale brandy with which I

filled my mei^th, “already, flayed and blistered. Totally unused to every bind of ardent spirit, with my tongue, throat and’palate as rawas beef, what could I do? I could not swallow, aud, clapping my bands upon my mouth, the liqlior squirted through tny nose and fingers like a fountain over all the dishes, aud I was crushed by bursts of laughter frem all quarters. • ’ Iu vain did Sir Thomas reprimand bis sods and the servants; in vain did Lady Burton ohide her daughters; for the measure of my shame and their diversion Was not yet completed. To relieve me from the intolerable state of prespiration which this accident had Caused, without consideration I wiped my face with the ill-fated handkerchief which was still wet from the conser quences of the fall of Xenophon, and covered my features toitn inky streaks in all directions. The Baronet himself could not support this shock, butjoined with bis lady in the general laugh, while I, springing from the table in despair, rushed out of the house in an agony of confusion: and disgrace which the most poignant sense of guilt could not have excited.